CHAPTER116
I want to grab him and shake him, bile rising in my throat at the thought of him with someone else. Pushing it down, I try to fight the urge to cry.
“I’m redefining the boundaries of our relationship; uncrossing the line. That’s what you called it, right?” he tosses back casually. I fall back, but I steel myself, swallowing my sobs and forcing my face to stay as impassive as I can muster as my body retches inside in agony.
Isn’t this what I wanted? For him to go back to his women, and I return to being just his PA?
No! Yes! I don’t know anymore.
“You think going off to screw someone will uncross that line?” The words catch in my throat like steel wool; I feel sick with the pain he’s inflicting.
“It’s a start.” He turns into his room and pulls a suitcase from the cupboard; I notice he’s already packed a flight bag on the bed, his passport lying beside it.
“Got over your little break, I see.” I sound cold. The reality is that I’m dying inside, and I want to yell at him. Hold onto him. Beg him to stop doing this, but I can’t.
You kissed me, Jake, twice. No three times. You kissed me and now you’re going to have sex with someone else.
“I think that’s probably the reason for all this recent tension; I need to go let off steam,” he smirks icily, so devoid of feeling. I don’t know this Jake. I hate this Jake. I want my normal Jake to come back, the one who would never talk to me this way, hurt me this way. My Jake would never abandon me to go off and be a lothario!
So, kissing me was ‘recent tension’?
I’ve never known this uncaring, distant, and angry Carrero. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. I want to throw myself at his feet and cry and hold him back from going, but I won’t. I pull my chin up defiantly and push down the hurt, replace it with anger and a glare; I let that trained part of me take over, in all her ice maiden coolness. That old reliable self-preservation has kicked in.
I have pride!
“Enjoy yourself.” I turn on my heel, close to tears. Inside I’m a chaos of emotions and trauma, but my exterior is calm and unflustered, as if this means nothing to me.
“Don’t miss me while I’m gone, tesoro mia.” His voice is oozing with charm. It only stabs at my heart more, unbearable pain that I won’t let him see.
“I won’t,” I reply snarkily, holding myself tall.
Fuck you, Jake. Fuck you, Mr. Carrero.
“I’m sure you’ll find something exciting to do,” he says, focusing on packing, but his voice is flat and emotionless, the cruel and harsh side of him; it’s the first time I’ve ever seen his father within him. I want to slap his smug, angry face, with all my strength.
“When should I expect you back, Mr. Carrero?” I’m in full PA mode now; I’m making a point, a ‘you don’t affect me’ point. If he’s trying to get a reaction out of me with this shocking move, then I won’t let him enjoy it. I won’t let him see that it’s hurting me at all.
“When I’m done. Hard to say; it’s been a while,” he sneers without looking up, clearly twisting the knife harder in my chest.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
I smile graciously, ten out of ten for my acting ability, and still the need to clench my teeth, so precise in my mannerisms. His cell vibrates and he slides it out, answering it despite my presence.
“Hi … I’ll be leaving soon … Yeah, I missed you too, honey … I’ll meet you there.” He sounds like Casanova Jake of old. The ‘honey’ makes me gag.
Oh my god.
I want to throw up, but I steel myself against the door frame.
Why, Jake, why?
“Who?” It’s out before I can monitor it, and I curse myself for breaking, for showing an ounce of emotion over this, for giving him the satisfaction of knowing he’s got to me.
“No one you know. Old flame.” He closes his suitcase, throwing me a fiery look, challenging me to keep going with this; he wants to torture me with details. I can’t bear this. My self-preservation kicks in even more viciously, and I smile fakely.
“If that will be all, Mr. Carrero? I’ll leave you to it. Enjoy your trip.” I’m using the door frame as a crutch, but I can’t stand watching this painful scene unfold; he’s going away with some brainless boobs-on-legs to screw her for at least two days, maybe longer. I don’t want him to. I don’t think I can bear this."
