CHAPTER130
Did that mean that sleeping with me might have felt right?
I push the thought out of my head along with the warmth rising up my cheeks.
“She said you had a proper girlfriend when you were young … fifteen?” I don’t know why I’m even bringing this up, but somehow, I want to hear it from him. I want to know if he had ever loved, despite the warning pain in my stomach.
“Good old loose-mouthed Leila! he mumbles. “I did.” He watches me warily, and I glimpse evasive Jake. I was right; the times I thought I imagined this, he was hiding this little piece of history from me.
Why?
“You want to elaborate?” I coax gently, but my heart rate has elevated.
“There’s nothing to elaborate on. I had a first love; she wasn’t my first sexual encounter. We dated for a year, and then it was over.” He shrugs, still holding me, but loosely now.
“So, it was love though?” My ribs constrict painfully.
“I guess … maybe,” he deflects again, his hand coming up to my hair and playing with a wavy strand, distracting his focus, which means he’s uncomfortable talking about this.
“So why didn’t it last?” I hate that I’m asking, that his evasiveness is making me question him, but something in me needs to know. Obsessively so.
“I was sixteen, she was fifteen … kids playing at relationships.” He slides his fingers down the length of hair he’s playing with, rubbing its softness between his fingertips. I wonder if he’s doing it to distract himself, or me.
“Do you still talk to her?”
Why do I even care?
I guess knowing there has been someone he loved bothers me more than it should.
“Can we not do this, Emma?” he inhales deeply, the definite hint of tension in him again. “Go to bed; we have a busy day, if you’re up to it?”
“I’m sorry,” I mutter, but he pulls me close again, hugging me tightly one more time. His arms are around my shoulders now so my head is mostly squished with his squeeze. Then he relaxes, kissing me lightly on the top of the head the way a parent would or a sibling. He turns me slowly, then playfully shoves me back into my room, catching me off guard so I stumble. The reluctance that had been across his face is suddenly replaced with a cheeky Carrero grin.
“Hey!” I yelp and swat at his hands, instantly outraged.
“Feisty!” he grins, “Slap one shithead and suddenly you’re karate kid?” He laughs at me, and it’s the best noise in the world. I mock-glare at him, but he just tweaks my face in a juvenile fashion and pushes me further into my room with an easy motion. He pulls the door shut just enough to stick his head through and to keep me trapped in here. “I’m glad you’re okay. I didn’t know what I was coming back to; you sounded … not like you.” There’s apprehension as he speaks, but he smiles reassuringly. If only he knew that I have been that way in his absence, on the yacht, that whole time.
“I’m made of tougher stuff, Carrero.” I bow lightly.
“I never doubted that, Miss Anderson. Now go back to bed. We have work tomorrow if you’re sure you’re okay?”
I nod with a convincing smile. But then I remember the leggy redhead waiting out there, and it’s sobering; he wants rid of me so he can go play in his bedroom and ‘left off steam’. We’re back to old Jake once more and our previous relationship, just like he wanted! All the happy bubbles inside of me pop and dissipate as I realize that this is how it is always going to be."
