CHAPTER609
I must have fallen asleep fast, as I wake up in darkness with the smells of food wafting through the apartment and the faint sounds of music. That means Janetta is in the kitchen and by the looks of it I have slept the entire day away. I must have needed it more than I realized, and I sit up groggy and lightheaded. I feel weird. Hot, but not like flushes hot. I’m feverish and the nausea is all consuming. My head is throbbing, and I am so thirsty my throat aches. My body is heavy and achy like flu or something and when I try to get up, I’m out of sorts.
A sudden sharp pain in my abdomen knocks my breath away as I slide a leg down to the floor. I let out a muffled “Ahhh” noise loudly, and clutch at it before managing to straighten up and breath through what feels like a period cramp low down, only a lot duller. I haven’t had them for years, but memory reminds me within a second that’s what it feels like. A dull thud punch to the lower intestines and I really struggle to breathe through it.
I grasp the bedside table to get my bearings and let my swimming head clear, satisfied when the ache moves across my abdomen sort of warmly and then dissipates. It feels like a pulled muscle and I wonder if that’s normal. I guess if my stomach grows then it has to be.
I stand for a moment and blow out my breath, taking a second to let it subside fully before I carefully walk to the bathroom with the intention of running a bath. The thought of a steamy bath helping how crap I feel is all that’s on my mind. Still foggy headed from sleep as I pad barefoot on cold tiles.
I catch my reflection in the mirror after I turn on the taps and grimace at the mess before me. Blotchy tear-stained and looking like a tragic reject from a horror movie. I haven’t really been putting effort into my appearance lately and my hair is a riot.
I need to get my shit together, Arry is right. I’m stuck in suspended nothing, hoping to find a miracle cure to our predicament instead of focusing on what to do how to get through this and put plans in place. No wonder he’s getting so fed up with this.
I’m fed up with this.
Arry is a planner, he likes to know what’s happening and how everything neatly lays out. He gets used to something quickly and adapts it into his life as quickly as possible, so he can process all of it. Likes all his blocks in a row and neatly labelled so he can get on with what is required of him. All I have done is hinder his ability to do that and it’s messing with his calm, while I’m missing any sort of it.
More of a fall to pieces and bury my head in the worst way and ignore it kind of person, until something motivates me to make a change. This right here… Fighting with him so much lately and having him actually walk out on me, something he hasn’t done in two whole years. This is enough.
I’ll lose him if I keep pushing and pushing.
Another stabbing pain hits me low in the gut and this time my knees buckle, and I end up half kneeling as I catch the vanity to stop myself from an all-out collapse. I grunt this time with the intensity of feeling like something kicked me full force in the abdomen and try to breathe through the gnawing pain.
I’m held rigid unable to catch my breath or move as it encompasses my entire pelvis with a burning searing slice and twisting ache that brings tears to my eyes as I gawp weirdly. Knuckles turning white as I cling to a porcelain rim.
“Aghhh” is all I can let out before a warm flow of liquid soaks through my panties and slides over my inner thighs with the worst kind of sensation. It happens so fast, and it’s so excruciatingly painful that I cannot move.
My heart stops, my everything instantly freezes as though I am on autopilot and looking down on reality in a dream state. I reach my hand down slowly to touch the wet liquid on my inner thigh and pull my fingers back up to see the evidence before me. It’s like time freezes and the pain in my body becomes obsolete next to the pain in my heart and head. Shocked silence, terror, unlike I have never felt before as I bring my hands up to my eye level and begin to shake.
“No… no… no… no.” It’s like someone up there listened really hard to how many times I said I didn’t want this and decided to deal with it all by themselves; except now that I see this on my hands, this hot red liquid that signifies the most awful thing in the world …I start screaming hysterically, wailing like I am being murdered, because my heart feels like it is.
“JANETTA… JANETTAAAAAA…”"
