Chapter 132
“There are a few things that will not change with the off book run. If I have to admit you to general then I have to alert the council. What they will do, I’m not certain of. The second thing is theft, assault, and rape. I am strict and unforgiving of those things, it doesn’t matter your circumstances.”
I can feel him nod against my chest. His breathing stops suddenly and his body goes rigid as he struggles to cope with getting his leg treated.
“I’m sorry Cole but I have to use the salve to pull the silver and infection out of the wound.”
Angela tries to soothe him but I can tell that he needs a break from the pain.
“Angela”
“I know he needs a break and he will get it as soon as I get this all the way around. I’m not going to start wrapping him immediately.”
He’s shaking from having grabbed my shirt and holding it tightly balled into his fists.
“Breathe Cole, you’ve got to breathe.” I try to soothe as I hold him gently.
“It’s okay to express the pain you’re in. You need to breathe. The yelps and whimpers don’t matter.”
He shakes his head, gasping quickly before holding again.
“Concentrate on my touch.”
Angela encourages him, gently trying to distract him.
“Are you finished?”
“The salve, yes. I still need to wrap it but I’m hoping that goes a bit easier. Cole, it would be a lot easier on you if you expressed the pain you’re in. Holding your breath increases the pain you feel.”
He shakes his head again.
“Alpha’s don’t yelp. They don’t cry out. Every cry deserves to be punished.”
He pants through trying to recover from the pain of his leg being touched.
“Not here Cole. You will never be punished for expressing the pain you’re in.”
I take a minute to hold him before trying to continue with the changes to his run.
“Cole, I never thought to ask this.” I start back gently. “Do you drink?”
“No sir. I’m not very social back home plus I’m usually helping a pup and I prefer to keep a level head.”
“Okay. You came back negative for all drugs, even those we expected you to be on so I don’t believe going over the illicit drug policy is necessary but only fair to say it’s still in place. In regards to alcohol, if you wish to socially drink while you are here, you are allowed but I’m going to limit you to one drink per hour. At your body weight it should normally take more to get you drunk but with your anxiety and depression my preference is none at all so I think this is a good compromise compared to an outright ban.”
“I’ve seen how ugly some wolves get when drunk and I really don’t have any interest in it.”
He’s speaking much clearer and relaxed as I peak over at Angela. He doesn’t show any discomfort from her starting to loosely wrap his leg.
“Drinking is a choice. There’s nothing wrong with not engaging in it. Now I remember you asking about how a wolf’s mental health could affect their position as a prospect. I understand now why you were so worried about it. Self-injury is a very destructive and dangerous behavior that ordinarily would result in your removal from the program. It is a complicated behavior that is both difficult to understand for those who are not familiar with it and difficult to stop as it easily becomes a habit that you struggle to control. Based on the three times I’ve seen you engage in self injurious behavior I am willing to assume that this was taught to you.”
“I’m sorry to interrupt dad, but why would such a thing be taught to him?”
“I’m using the word ‘taught’ very loosely, Damian, as what I believe may have happened is that Cole’s abuser saw him hurt himself, either accidentally or purposely doesn’t matter which. All that matters is that hurting himself was not only seen but heavily encouraged by his abuser as a way to lessen what the abuser did to him. Over time his abuser has convinced him that everything he does wrong is deserving of physical punishment and when he doesn’t receive it he implements his own.
The previous four wolves that I placed on off book runs all had varying degrees of self injurious behaviors. Each of them engaged in it for different reasons. It’s not a simple thing to stop and expecting you to stop completely before you’re permanently in a safe, caring environment is setting you up for failure.”
“So you’re not going to demand that he stops that crazy nonsense?”
“It’s not crazy or nonsense, Lucas. It actually has a very specific purpose for those who are severely abused and neglected. Demanding that he stops would never work and would likely have the opposite effect but you will allow us to intervene, Cole. You’ve done very well so far tolerating my interventions and my expectation is that you continue allowing it to happen. Over the timeframe that you’re here I will be teaching the other trainers what to look for and how to intervene. As long as you don’t cause yourself significant injury I will give you a pass.”
He nods his head against my chest before moving it back onto my arm. He’s finally relaxed despite Angela’s work on him giving me hope that something we gave him is finally kicking in.
“Another major issue that I’m seeing is your lack of interest in eating. Your unwillingness to talk about what’s going on at Red Fang makes it very difficult for me to create a plan for getting you to eat. I need your help with this. You can’t survive on tube feeds.”
He nods again but I can tell he’s not going to stay awake for much longer.
“Now, in regards to the actual run, documentation remains the same. You each will have your own file for recording your experiences with Cole just like you will have a file on each prospect remaining in the run once we finish the physicals. You will not have access to each other’s files and you will not have access to the one going to the council. While it is my standard for all of your reports to come back to me on every prospect so I can look through them before submitting them to the council, I will be handling Cole’s slightly differently. He has expressed fear over going on an off book run as it sounds like the previous alphas that put him on one mishandled the situation. While I can not, right now, explain what will get back to the council, what I can explain is that all my off book runs appear to be normal runs.”
“So you’re going to lie to the council to protect a pervert.” Lucas is quick to snap.
“When a wolf’s life is in danger and I feel the likelihood that they will return to the life that is slowly killing them is high, yes. I will do whatever it takes to get them back in my territory for the year-long run in the hopes that I can earn their trust and either offer them a position in the pack or convince them to seek sanctuary. So I omit what I know will get them withdrawn from the program.”
“So the council will know about me?” Cole whispers.
“I normally submit all observations on the prospects. The council loves when I report back to them as all my tests and training give them a really good idea as to the individual wolf. Other packs appreciate it as well because it gives them a good idea about how well the wolf would fit into their pack, at least if it’s a decent one.” I pause a moment, giving Cole a moment to understand what I’ve said.
“As I discussed with all of you Tuesday night, all physical testing will be one on one with me. Physical training, however, is on pause until I can get a better idea of his physical and mental health. Currently, both are extremely low and I have no desire to make them worse. His run is going to be very fluid so I can make changes where and when I need to.
My goal is to gain your trust, Cole. We both know it’s only a matter of time before your father kills you.”
I feel Cole nod slowly against my arm. It’s easy to tell that he’s finally giving into the exhaustion that the painful bandaging process has produced mixing with the medication he’s on. I continue my gentle petting as he relaxes into sleep praying to Goddess Diana that it’s a peaceful one.
As much as I wanted Cole to hear what I had planned for Lucas, letting him sleep is far more important. I lay with him silently, watching his face for signs of pain or distress. I wait until Pat and Angela get the blanket from under his legs to start moving around. I carefully slide my arm from beneath his head. Lilly jumps in gracefully, holding his head gently until I’m free before lowering him down to the pillow.
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