Chapter 212
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I look at her. I reach my hand out towards her just to hesitate halfway there.
“It’s okay to touch me.” She whispers as more tears stream down her face.
“I know this is a lot to take in, Cole. So I’m not going to push the conversation right now, but I need you to meet with Angel so she can explain the process your father will have to go through in order to make you a feral. I need you to come to terms with what being labeled a feral means as well as how much time you have to plan your escape.” Alpha explains.
“How much time do I have?” I can’t help but ask as I finally swipe my thumb across Jessa’s cheek.
“If Alpha Redmen gets everything perfect the first time, which is very rare, then it will take three months to a year from the time they accept the application.”
I nod my head silently as Jessa leans into my hand and as nervous as it makes me to touch her I don’t ever want to leave.
After lunch with alpha, Jessa somehow convinced me to come back to her apartment. At the moment, I loved the idea but now that I’m standing in her living room, my mind has gone insane. I have never, and I do mean never, been completely alone with a lady before. The closest I’ve ever been was when I was dating Rachel and Rebecca and even then I left in a hurry when they wanted to get intimate with me.
“Are you okay?”
Jessa’s voice breaks through the fog consuming my brain. I look up briefly from the floor as she walks in with a glass of tea in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.
“I haven’t drank from either. I wanted to give you the choice. I know we haven’t spent much time together.”
I nod before reaching for the water. We notice the tremors in my hand at the same time causing me to chicken out of taking the drink from her. I walk to the sliding glass door on the south east side of her apartment instead.
Like most of the buildings I’ve managed to step inside, this one runs long ways from south to north. She called this building the medical dorms where the majority of the single medical personnel that work in the wing reside. I’ve only managed to come ten feet inside but Jessa said it’s a comfortable 700 square foot single bedroom apartment and hers is on the ground floor.
I look out towards the tree line as storm clouds loom overhead. I’m lost in a mild trance as a loud crack of thunder rattles the ground beneath my feet.
“I’ve already taken a quarter of Ativan. I tend to get super nervous around alpha males as they were the main ones to abuse me whenever I was in a pack.”
Her statement combined with the thunder startles me badly and it takes a moment for me to start breathing again.
“At least that’s how it was before Alpha Pierce found me.”
“Has alpha ever hurt you?”
I can’t help but think the worst after such a statement and the answer will make or break the beast raging within me.
“No. Alpha Black is tough yet incredibly gentle and kind. He will challenge you, make you believe that he’s like the rest. I was beyond scared when I finally met him two weeks after I traveled here with Alpha Pierce. His son and his friends were in a bad wreck. Beta Parker was accidentally brought to the wing when he should have gone straight to Crimson General. I contradicted Dr. Morrison when she gave him a sedative. The head injury he had sustained caused him to be combative and the heart and oxygen monitoring had not been put on him yet. The wing was crazy that day and Alpha Damian’s wreck didn’t help so we were short handed and behind on what needed to be done.
When I alerted them to his failing heart rhythms Dr. Morrison got angry which set me up for some really bad triggers. I contradicted her again when Dr. Morrison released Alpha Damian from the wing. Alpha Black still took Alpha Damian to his office only to return an hour later. Even though I had used it several times that night to warn Dr. Pierce and Dr. Morrison of pending bad outcomes, it was with Alpha Damian that I had no choice but to use my gift. I’ve always seen it as a curse as it’s the reason every alpha has abused me, treated me as a feral after my parents died.”
I stiffen up as she places her hands on my back, low on my hips. I shift my feet silently not wanting to admit to my discomfort with the contact she’s made with my body.
“I can feel your anxiety. It’s a lot higher than mine. I don’t want you to leave but I also don’t want you to be so uncomfortable with being here. Would you like some Ativan? It will take the edge off of what you’re feeling.”
Against my true wishes, I nod my head. I can’t help but think about how often my mind and body have disagreed while I’ve been here. She returns only a minute later with an orange bottle with pills inside.
“I have three scripts for Ativan. My lowest dose is a quarter while the highest is a full milligram. This one is half. Considering your size and level of anxiety this would be the best one.”
I nod my head after briefly looking at the label. Before I can react I feel her hands on my face. My mouth is slightly open and she takes advantage of that fact. It’s only a moment after she touches me that I feel the pill drop into my mouth. I immediately react, harshly twisting away from her with a nervous whine but she’s right on top of it.
“Don’t reject it.”
She calls out as she appears in front of me again. Her hands are on my face as she gently pulls me down to her, my forehead resting upon hers.
“It’s the same thing that was in the bottle. I promise you. Get it under your tongue and let it dissolve.”
I do as she instructs, closing my eyes as I wait for it to dissolve. I can’t help but think of how difficult this change will be for me considering the damage twenty years of abuse has caused me. I’m struggling to contain myself. I keep trying to wrap my arms around her but my hesitation is obvious.
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