Chapter 209
“Yes. He needs them Cole.”
“His mom is so worried about him getting them.”
“I know. Most first time moms are.”
We move easily together and without me having much thought, William is on the table striped down to his diaper.
“Check her bag for a clean diaper and some wet wipes.” Jessa instructs as she picks him up and takes him to the scale.
By the time I find the requested materials she’s bringing back a completely nude baby. I close my eyes and turn away. I’m completely useless when they are naked.
“Cole.” I look at Jessa at the sound of my name.
I look at the table in time to see her make two marks on the paper, one at his head and the other at his heel. She works methodically, checking everything about him before she starts pulling things from the cabinet. Two syringes along with bandages and wipes are added to the bin. Even though I would often receive only one shot it tended to be more painful than the broken bones it was meant to help heal.
Instinctively I grab William off the table. I understood the alpha giving Madilyn an IV after she got sick but he’s healthy. There’s no swelling, bruises or anything else that would make the shots necessary. My mind is spinning as I step away from Jessa.
“Just like his mama, you're nervous. All new parents are. Before I got here they followed the human’s schedule for vaccinations, two years ago I changed that. Unless we have a pandemic of a specific disease or the parents travel a lot to other packs, we delay starting the vaccines until the pups are six months old. I have found over the years that giving a two month old pup eight vaccines at the same time produces significant side effects that causes a lot of parents to shy away from allowing the pups to receive them. As advanced as Crimson Dawn is in many areas of medicine they were at the bottom when it came to caring for their youngest members.”
I’m trapped in a trance as I listen to her voice. She has gently adjusted William’s position in my arms so he’s now laying sideways. His head is laying on my left elbow and his legs are straddling my right. She wipes his leg down with two different wipes and before I can think to step away again she quickly gives him both shots in his thigh. The silence is broken with an ear piercing cry as his brain registers the pain of the shots shortly after she finishes giving them.
I’m struggling with the flashback trying to take over my mind. I barely hear the opening of a package before Williams’s wailing settles quickly into a whimper. When I open my eyes, Jessa has wrapped one arm under mine, keeping me still and the other is helping William with a pacifier that he didn’t have before.
“The older kids get fruit popsicles while infants get sugar water frozen to a pacifier.”
I find myself struggling hard just to breathe as the flashes continue. Jessa moves so that she’s helping to support William without taking him from me as alpha and April reenter the room. April has settled down significantly and is talking normally with the alpha.
“I’m sorry Jessa. I’m ready for him to get them now.”
I lay my head on Jessa’s as she starts playing with my hair. I’m trying hard to get out of the flashback but it’s proving much harder this time.
“He’s already finished with the shots. Once I get my mate a little calmer I’ll have you dress William while I explain to both of you the changes I’ve made over the last two years.”
“Your mate?” I hear April question.
As much as I have begged for her to reject me hearing her claim me helps in ways I didn’t expect.
“Cole, what are you struggling with right now?”
I barely hear alpha’s question as I continue to fight my mind’s desire to disconnect from reality.
“His cry.” Is all can manage to breath out.
I’m putting all my concentration into William and Jessa. I have no desire to drop and hurt this young pup entrusted to me.
“Try to relax Cole. I’m helping you with William.” Jessa encourages me softly.
“Please, take him from me. My anxiety will make him cry. I can’t handle him crying.”
“Can you tell me what about this situation has triggered you so badly?” Alpha tries again to get some information from me.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Please just take him.”
I listen as alpha leaves his seat, approaching myself and Jessa slowly.
“It would be very helpful for me to know why this is such a struggle for you. Giving you William while I was calming April and reassuring her that the shots are necessary to keep him healthy was not done to trigger your anxiety. Normally you relax with the pups.”
“They started giving me steroids when I was eight.” I speak the words quickly, muffled by Jessa’s thick hair.
“Is that why you stepped away? You thought I was giving him steroids?” She responds before alpha does.
“He’s not bruised and broken like I was. He doesn’t need such a painful thing done to him.”
I’m embarrassed as to how physically and emotionally torn down I am over something as simple as shots in front of this pack member. I can only imagine how weak the quiver in my voice makes me sound but I can’t prevent where my mind goes when I’m triggered.
“I’m sorry Cole. I didn’t do this to purposely trigger those memories.”
Alpha apologizes as he takes William from my arms.
“I’m sorry l’m so weak. I shouldn’t be here.”
I try to back away towards the door but I’m stopped by a gentle hand on my back. I keep still in the hopes that she doesn’t add any pressure to the bad spot she doesn’t realize she’s in.
“Everyone knows that IM steroids are extremely painful. Doctors are well aware that they should only be given to pups in emergency situations. It is not common at all for a pup to receive steroid injections.”
Her voice sounds shocked that I would assume her to do such a thing. I’m ashamed that I even thought that she would behave that way.
“I should leave. I’m sorry. I should have never thought you would act in such a way.”
“Don’t be.” She holds me where I’m at without realizing that she’s doing it.
“What William received are vaccines. Do you remember receiving those when you were little?” Jessa continues the conversation with me as I move my head to her shoulder.
“No ma’am. I only remember the steroids. Mom stopped taking me for standard physicals around that age but I still ended up at the doctor’s office every two to three months. I got them during every visit.”
“You likely received them as an infant and I can understand with that kind of frequency why you would assume such a thing. The vaccines I gave William will allow his immune system to develop protection from the six diseases that the shots contained without making him sick with the disease itself. Changes that have been made to our schedule at Crimson Dawn is that we now wait until the pup is six months before starting and two shots are the most they will ever receive at one time. The amount of vaccine that werewolf pups need was found to be less than humans so instead of .5 milliliters we give .2. It causes the same immune response while minimizing the side effects.” Jessa finishes explaining.
“Since adopting the werewolf immunologist’s recommended schedule we have not had to hospitalize or even lose a single pup due to a vaccine reaction.” Alpha finishes.
Jessa waits until I lift my head before stepping away and finishing the visit.
“Now, Mrs. April, I still recommend giving William Tylenol every six hours until dinner time tomorrow as it will reduce any soreness he may feel from the shots. If you notice him running a fever or any changes in his eating, give me a call and I’ll have you bring him back in to make sure he’s not having a vaccine reaction.”
By the time Jessa is finished William has all his clothes back on and April is ready to head home.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Cole. Thank you for your help.”
I timidly take her hand and shake it.
“I’m sorry about my reaction.”
“It’s okay. We all have our fears. It’s interesting that your desire was to protect him. Are you that way with all of them?”
“I didn’t do a very good job protecting him.”
“He didn’t need it. I understand that now but my question is the same. Are you like that with all pups?”
I nod my head before looking back to the ground.
“Only the best alphas are willing to protect indiscriminately. Thank you.”
I look up with my head cocked to one side as she walks away, back down the hall where she came. I stare after her a long time before alpha speaks.
“I know after such a difficult reaction to William getting those shots that this isn’t going to be easy. I also know that lunch is the last thing on your mind but it’s important that we start discussing a plan for getting you back here permanently.”
All I can do is nod as I follow alpha and Jessa out the door.
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