Chapter 242
“Are you going to take alpha’s offer?” I rub her back lightly, allowing her to sit up and look at me when I feel her push against my shoulder.
“I don’t expect you to understand” I speak softly as I look away from her eyes, ashamed of my own sacrifice for Cole. “I can’t accept sanctuary until he does.”
“Alpha said something along those lines when I first came to his office.” She confesses as she plays with my hair.
“I’m sorry.” I lay my head on her shoulder as I think about what going home is going to mean for me now that I’ve found her. “Did alpha call you down?” I ask after several minutes of silence.
“No. I felt your pain and wanted to know if you were right. That he was punishing you for breaking command.”
“No, he just tricked me into thinking he was going to. He regrets what he did. Said he would have done things differently if he knew I was being tortured.”
“Tortured?” Micayla pushes me up to look into my eyes, I confirm with a light nod.
“I don’t see it that way but he does.”
“Just like you don’t see how you’re being abused.”
She states in a whisper laying her head against my chest this time. I hold her in silence for a while when a light knock reminds me of where we are.
“Everything okay?” Alpha’s voice is light but concerned.
“Yes sir. I’m sorry. I lost track of where I was and what needs to be done.” I speak truthfully even though I can’t turn and look at him right now.
“I just wanted to make sure that your anxiety is staying down. The decisions that you make today need to be done with a sound mind. You can change your mind at any time but it’s important that I know what you may be facing if you and Cole follow through with returning to Red Fang.”
“Yes sir, we’ll be out in a moment.” He says nothing more as the door creaks slowly shut.
“I guess that’s the polite way of telling us to get back to business.” I chuckle nervously against her hair.
She sits up and slowly makes her way off my lap. She’s only moving slow because I don’t want to let her go. While we decided during the run to get to know each other in such a way not to disrupt our training, the last month that we’ve lived together has brought us closer together.
While sex with her is constantly on my mind I haven’t attempted to go past making out and mild sensual touching. I was surprised when she started asking about completing the mate's bond last week. It hurt me badly to explain that I wouldn’t be staying here with her. It was even harder to explain why I didn’t want us to lose our virginity and mark each other before separating because of the many unknowns of my return. Over the last few days she’s settled on just losing our virginity. I can’t say I’m not contemplating that one before I leave.
I stand from the bed as she takes my hand in hers, walking together to the door and entering calmly into alpha’s office, at least I’m calmer than the first time.
“Take a seat. Hopefully being at the desk after such a nasty scare isn’t going to create an issue. Would you like to sit together or do you want a second chair?”
“Are we allowed just one chair?”
I can’t help but test Alpha Black as too many times I’ve been tricked by Alpha Redmen.
“I will never give you a choice that will get you in trouble.”
He smiles as he gestures towards the chair. I take a seat first and guide Micayla gently into my lap.
“I do understand that you may have grown up with that type of experience with Alpha Redmen but, as difficult as it is to do right now, you do need to understand that I’m not him. While your abuse may have only started recently and it’s not as persistent as Cole’s, it is still abuse.” I shake my head.
“No?” Alpha questions.
“I’m not abused alpha.”
“That’s one of the most concerning things I have heard outside of your reaction to the threat of a spanking.”
“I’m not abused.”
“How can you not be abused?” His voice hangs in the air with a note of incredulity.
“I chose this hell, alpha. I was given a choice in the matter when he beat me to the point of needing the hospital wing; abandon Cole or accept my punishment.”
“How often does he belt you?”
I cock my head, curious as to why he’s changed his language to what Cole calls the physical punishment his father implements.
“I’m sorry but I think I’ve finally figured out what the difference is between a spanking and a belting.”
“What do you think the difference is?”
I nearly whisper, shocked that he would reveal such thinking.
“Be still and relax. Nothing is going to happen to either of you.”
I wrap my arms tightly around Micayla as he stands and walks to his file cabinet, the same one he pulled the stiff, thin belt from when he demanded to know what my punishment was back home. Despite my anxiety spiking higher every step he takes towards the drawer Alpha Redmen has taught me well not to run.
“This was out, hanging on the wall when I brought Cole and Jessa in here after Lucas assaulted Cole the second time. He picked it up and examined it, hit his wrist with it. I took it from him before he could hit himself again. He commented on how it differs from what his father uses and that is what I want from you, Jamie.”
I choke on a surprised yelp when he says my name. Micayla rubs my arm soothingly as she speaks near my ear.
“I know the first part of this meeting went wrong for what alpha wanted but he’s not going to hurt you. He’s apologized for hurting you and never put his hands on you.” She tries to remind me.
“Jamie, I’m not going to use this belt on either of you. Ever. Even when you transfer into the pack you will never be spanked by me or anyone else. I explained to Cole that it’s only under extreme circumstances that I will supervise a parent using this on their own child and the minimum criteria that must be met before I will consider allowing it. I also explained that I will never implement physical punishment on gammas, omegas or anyone with a history of abuse.
I understand that you’re having a difficult time accepting the reality that you’re being abused but just because it’s not daily, just because it just started, just because you chose to accept the punishment over abandoning your alpha does not make it any less damaging. You are being punished at an extreme level on a regular basis over breaking a command that any decent wolf with half a brain would know is wrong.”
He stands back up from leaning over the desk, leaving a two inch wide, six foot long very worn leather belt behind. I inch the chair forward and tentatively touch the old piece of leather in front of us.
I feel silly touching it as if it’s a snake ready to bite me and I make eye contact with alpha, looking for the laughing mockery that should be in his eyes. Yet all I see is sadness and concern. He fully understands what I’ve yet to accept.
“There’s no buckle.” Micayla is the first to speak about the observation I’ve yet to make.
“I could be wrong but I believe your alpha calls it a belting when he uses the buckle end of the belt.” I can’t help but shake my head.
“No? You don’t think that’s the difference?” I take a deep breath before speaking.
“Alpha Redmen doesn’t call it anything.” I speak slowly as Alpha Black cocks his head. “He simply tells you what your punishment is.”
“Just like he told you that every time you help Cole you will receive thirty hits with the buckle end.” I nod as Micayla gasps.
“He doesn’t detail each step but once he’s punished you a few times you know what’s going to happen. The only thing he explains is what the penalty is. He doesn’t even tell you when he gives you a time to meet with him if it’s for punishment or not. That’s why that one beating was so bad for me. He used the link to tell me to meet him in his office and I refused to report believing that I was going to be punished. He called me everyday for twelve days. On day thirteen when he didn’t call for me I thought he had finally forgotten or had something better to do. That was when he got the same border patrol wolves that he’s always used to hunt Cole down come after me the next day. He told me that day that running only makes it worse and to never assume I know what he’s calling about.”
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