Chapter 205
“I told you not to contact the council!!!”
He suddenly screams as he turns and runs towards me.
“I told you what would happen if they went poking around my pack again!”
He screams as he pounds his fists into my chest pad.
“He’s removing me from the program! I will become a prisoner in my own territory as soon as you send me home!”
He goes silent while he pants, breathless from his sudden attack on me. He pushes himself hard off of where he collapsed briefly against me.
“I know about the buses coming for the free loaders. I know I’m one of them. I have never stayed longer than three months out of the territory.”
He’s pacing between me and the edge of the mat, his hands in his hair though I can’t tell if he’s purposely causing himself pain or not.
“I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. As difficult as it is to be here, it’s nothing like being home and I’m not ready to leave.”
As suddenly as his rage began, he stops. Collapsing to his knees, completely exhausted.
“I’m tired of fighting alpha but the sooner I return to the monotony of fighting for everything I need the better off I’ll be.”
His voice breaks as he changes his position, getting off his knees. I step back, kneeling down to the mat as he curls into a ball. His face is against his legs and his hands curled around his head as if he’s expecting to be hit. It’s only a minute later that his body is racked with his silent sobs.
“Cole?” I reach out to him, pushing myself closer to him.
“No!”
He pushes me away as he scrambles back to his feet. I jump back on to my own and follow him to the other side of the mat.
“Cole, I need you to talk to me.”
“Just stop alpha! Please stop being nice to me! I can’t do this! I can’t handle returning to hell after you’ve made everything so easy!”
He’s pacing fast, it’s obvious that he wants to run but is blinded by his tears.
“You can’t seriously be thinking about going back.”
Jessa steps out of the crowd onto the mat. He shakes his head as he walks.
“I don’t have a choice.” He whispers.
“You just said there’s always a choice.” She whines defensively.
“Not for me. There’s never any choices for me.”
He slows to a stop, turning to look at Jessa.
“I’m sorry, Jessa. I’m so, so sorry that Diana was so cruel to match you with me. That I’m not man enough to let you go. I try. I fight every single day to do right by everyone but it’s not enough. I never get it right. All I know how to do is fail and the sooner you reject the mate bond the better off you will be.”
“Why do you still think I want to reject you? That I’m unwilling to give you a chance?”
“How can you give me a chance when I have no choice but to return? Once I step foot back on Red Fang territory that’s it. I’ll never leave again. Not without running away and if I do that he will contact the council. I don’t want to leave but there is no freedom without innocence and there’s no innocence without my laptop. I have no way to contact the girls that frequently use my room as sanctuary and Jamie’s dad….”
He trails off, his pacing increasing as his half growl half scream of frustration echoes throughout the annex. He puts his hands in his hair, balling them into tight fists again.
“Cole?”
I can hear the concern in Jessa’s voice as she slowly approaches his pacing body. She stops behind him and I’m surprised when he does the same.
“Jessa please, I can’t handle your fear of me too.”
He sounds so lost and broken that no one makes a sound.
“I’m not afraid. You’re not angry like you were a few weeks ago when I tried to get close to you.”
“Yes, I am. I am the same as you saw before. Angry, frustrated, hurt and confused. I want so badly to be near you but doing so will only make leaving that much harder.”
I can tell that he’s exhausted himself yet the behavior that I am most concerned about keeps appearing. I’m watching him closely, slowly closing the distance between us as he repeatedly places his hand in his mouth just to remove it without biting down. He’s fighting himself on top of everything else going on in his head.
“I don’t understand.” Lucas speaks quietly causing Cole to startle badly.
“What are you struggling to understand, Luke?” I reply calmly without looking at him.
“Going rogue can’t be that bad, can it? And, if he doesn’t want to leave, why can’t he stay? Why won’t you seek sanctuary with us?”
I’m shocked that he was willing to ask such a direct question when he has repeatedly argued against Cole staying.
“There is no freedom. Not without innocence. It doesn’t matter where I’m at.”
“But what does that mean?”
Cole winces hard as Lucas’s brief kindness quickly fades into frustration.
“May I take a guess, based on what Demetri has told us, as to what it may mean.” Patrick speaks up as he walks towards Lucas.
“If you think you know.” Cole whispers but nods his head.
“Will you tell me if I’m wrong?” Again, Cole nods.
“I believe it means that there are things going on inside his pack that his father plans to manipulate in such a way that Cole gets blamed for the rapes he described before he told us of your tryst with Melody.”
I’m relieved at Patrick’s calmness and ability to explain the situation to Lucas. The problem is he doesn’t have the picture that I do.
“Is that what’s going on?”
Jessa speaks out to Cole. Surprisingly, he nods his head, starting his pacing again but changing his position ninety degrees so he now comes towards me instead of Jessa.
“But, that’s not all of it.” I state quietly. “Cole, I will let you choose but Jessa needs to understand why returning home for your laptop is so important. One of us needs to explain it.”
He stops about a foot away and stares at a spot past my left shoulder.
“I can’t. I can’t explain it. I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t.”
I can tell that he’s building up again in a bad way but this time I don’t allow him to get away from me. I close the gap between us as he balls his fists into his hair. I’m close enough now that I can see his tugs on the long locks without so much as a wince.
He tries to step away but he’s too late as my hands grab hold of his elbows. His inability to get away renews his fight as he yelps and screams while he pushes and pulls his body, trying for several minutes to get away before exhaustion hits him.
To my own surprise I managed to hang on to him and in the end he collapses against me, sobbing quietly into my neck. Everything is silent as I hold this shattered young man in my arms. Not even Madilyn can be heard. I close my eyes as I gently sway. One arm is wrapped low around his hips sitting nearly on his rear, the other crosses one shoulder with my hand on his head. I stay with him, in this moment, for several minutes as I know he’s never had this type of comfort from his own father and I truly wonder where his mother has been while everything has happened to him. Has she turned a blind eye or was she abused into giving him to his father?
“Cole.”
I speak loud enough that it brings everyone’s attention back to me.
“I want you to stay like this with me until I explain what happens next with you. First, I do feel that everyone here needs to understand why you will be returning home in July and why this news is so devastating.”
I feel him nod against my neck as I loosen my hold on him.
“What Patrick said is true, Cole is being blackmailed by his father in order to keep him from running from the poor treatment that he’s receiving. The problem is, if he were to run, his father wouldn’t report him as a rogue. Being reported as a rogue wolf isn’t always a dangerous thing. Jessa bounced in and out of rogue status for just over three years before making a permanent home with us. If Cole had the luxury of going rogue, I’m certain he would have done so by now.
No, the problem is his father is using the Big Brother program to save video clips of pack members engaging in illegal acts against women and children in order to prove he is the rapist and pedophile everyone in his pack believes him to be. His father’s plan is to turn him in to the council as a feral alpha male.”
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