Chapter 159
I focus myself on just the pain he’s feeling, starting slowly with his head and working my way down. I’m shocked to find that the pressure I have on his neck is actually hurting him. Most adult wolves find it uncomfortable but not overly painful.
“Alpha, hold his hands. I need you to provide comfort as I deepen my connection with him.”
“What’s going on Jessa? I’ve seen you get a lot harder on adults without getting my help.”
I’m not in a full connection yet so my senses are split making my voice sound differently. I’ve been told that it sounds dreamy when I’m like this. With what vision I have I can tell that alpha has given me what I’ve requested. He’s taken Cole’s right hand, the one closest to me that he’s not laying on, and is using his other hand to gently rub the back of his head.
“Alpha, I need you to make a note in his file that Cole has sensory processing disorder.”
I can hear Lucas in the background snicker before a slap and a soft “ow” is heard.
“I thought all werewolves have SPD?”
“Yes. All pups are born with it. All pups have their wolves at birth which is why all parents can link with their kids at birth and kids can connect with their parents by two. SPD in pups is normal because the wolf side has heightened senses that the pup is learning to utilize. 95% of pups will essentially grow out of the hypersensitivity after they’ve started shifting regularly. To find it in an adult over twenty is very rare.”
“I guess that’s why pups aren’t actually diagnosed with SPD as it’s generally accepted that they are hypersensitive?”
“For the most part. It’s taken some time to do, but in general most doctors now understand that children feel things differently. With Cole retaining his SPD into adulthood, it does make medical procedures a lot more difficult for him to handle as he has an exaggerated pain response.”
“Which means the pressure you use to connect with adults is painful for him?”
“Yes. Cole, you’re already doing very well with the pressure I have on your neck. I need you to continue like this. I need to increase my pressure until I make a full connection. Once the connection is made I’ll be able to back off quite a bit which will relieve you of most of the pain you’re feeling but it’s going to be rough until I connect.”
“I know you can feel my hand Cole. I need you to squeeze as her pressure increases. You must submit, you can not fight. She has to connect so that we can make certain we’re running all the tests you need. We both know time is not on your side.”
Alpha knows the seriousness of the situation, I guess that’s why he called me to help. There was no way either of us could have guessed that he would be my mate, making this so much harder than any adult I’ve ever done this to.
Alpha has purposely tested my abilities so he knows exactly how my readings feel to the average adult werewolf but there’s nothing that can prepare me for a major read on my hypersensitive mate. I know this is going to cause him pain. I just don’t know how much compared to what he’s already in.
I take several deep breaths before starting again. I still my body and deepen my breathing until I’m nearly in a trance. I increase the pressure of my hold on him slowly and even though he’s too weak to fight that doesn’t keep him from trying.
I can feel his breathing change from fairly calm and even to rapid and distressing. His whining is persistent as he weakly tries to move out of my grasp. The closer I get to the connection the worse I start to feel. His physical symptoms are just as overwhelming as his emotional ones and with the mate’s bond hanging in the background reminding me of who this alpha is it’s a struggle to complete the connection.
It’s only with his pain filled yelp echoing in my head that I realize that I’m exactly where I need to be. My pressure automatically slacks off his neck as I only need to maintain my touch on him to continue with the read but even with my hand now gentle on his neck his whimpers persist and it doesn’t take long for me to figure out why.
I come out of the reading with a gasp. I can’t help but to take several steps back away from alpha and Cole. I’m panting hard and I’m struggling to keep the tears at bay. I hear Damian and Madilyn’s voices down the hall. I know they are not far with the transport chair.
“Jessa?”
Alpha is calling me but for the first time ever, I’m losing it. I have never reacted this way towards a patient. No matter how sick a pup was I have never reacted this badly to what I felt and I know alpha is going to ask questions.
“Jessa.”
His voice is calm but more demanding this time. I turn and walk a few feet back to the stairs that alpha and Cole are sitting on. Cole appears to be asleep, his legs are on the step resting tight against his abdomen, his arms are wrapped around them and his head is resting on his arms. Alpha is slowly and gently rubbing the back of his head. His whimpers have calmed into a soft but persistent, high pitched whine.
“What’s going on with you, Jessa? I’ve never seen you this shaken up after a read and you’ve had some fairly nasty ones lately.”
I shake my head as I fight back the tears, turning my back to the alpha trying to hide them as they fall.
“Jessa, look at me.”
He speaks soft and patient as if he knows what I’m struggling with. I follow his directive, turning slowly and breathing deeply. I’m cursing myself silently as I look up at him.
Although Alpha Demetri has never given me any reason to fear him, my past experiences with over a dozen alphas adds to my already distraught mind and looking into his eyes is all it takes for me to crash. I turn away from him again as the tears silently fall. I’m fighting hard to regroup but feeling how bad my mate is currently feeling has unnerved me.
I feel alpha’s hands on my arms pulling me close to him. I’ve never allowed the alpha such contact with me but it’s too late for me to protest without making a scene.
“Try to relax with me, this will help.”
I allow Alpha Demetri the contact I’ve only allowed his son to have with me. I wrap my arms around him in a hug as I feel one of his hands wrap around my waist and the other around my shoulders and against my head. He rubs my head gently, contact that I’ve never felt from a pack leader. There’s something about his touch that is comforting and calming in my time of need.
I lay my head on his chest as I silently cry for my mate. He holds me tight, reminding me of my father’s warm embrace, giving me the minute I desperately need. He lets go easily when he feels me push myself up off him.
“I think I know what’s going on with this sudden change in you. While I do believe that neither of you are in a position to accept, it is important for me to know if you intend to reject. I’ve already heard his answer when you asked but now it’s time for you to answer as well. I also need to know what’s going on with him. I’d like to record what you say so I can refer back to it, make sure we cover all the needed tests.”
I nod my head as he dries my tears.
I step over to Cole and touch his face. He startles badly but apologizes almost as quickly.
“You need to hang in there Cole. I never thought I’d get a mate but you have proven me wrong. I would like to get to know you though, before I accept or reject the bond. I hope you can understand that. I’ve had a lot of bad encounters with alphas in the past. The few that I’ve worked with here have been the kindest.”
He opens his eyes, looking at me sideways as I stroke his cheek.
“I’m sorry I’m not the strong wolf I wanted to be when I met you but I have been looking for you. I want you. No matter how much I don’t deserve you, I do want you. May I touch you?”
I cock my head to one side. I’ve never been asked such a question by anyone. I’m barely able to nod my head as I whisper a soft yes. He reaches out towards me but his movement is slow and his eyes filled with fear.
“Are you afraid to touch me?”
I whisper gasping at the thought that a male could be more fearful of a relationship than I am. I can see him hesitate before drawing his hand back and placing it over his closed eyes.
“What’s wrong Cole?”
I can’t help but feel rejected by his inability to even touch me.
“I’m sorry Jessa.”
I can tell by the waver in his voice that he feels just as dejected as I do.
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