Chapter 30
“She begged me to punish her when she realized she may have been raped. She’s told me for years that she wasn’t but I knew better. She begged to be punished because she thinks she lied to me. She thinks that she’s a whore, Angela. That she asked for this to happen to her. That somehow she wanted it.”
It’s at that moment that I find myself falling apart. It only takes Angela a moment to come around to the back of my desk and push me up off it. The only female best friend that I’ve kept close to me, gladly accepting her permanently into my pack three years ago, she wraps her arms around my neck. I graciously accept her comfort as I try to figure out my next steps for Lilly. Angela runs her hand through my hair as I calm myself.
“I need to take a look, get medication on the tears so it knits together properly and reduces the pain she’s in.”
I nod quietly as I look into the tray she brought. It looks to contain everything for a standard gyno exam with the addition of two syringes with medication. I look back at Angela, I trust her with Lilly but I’m hesitant as Lilly can’t handle that type of exam, neither physically or mentally.
“It’s not going to be as difficult for her as you think.”
I nod my head as I pull myself from Angela’s hug.
“She was relatively calm when I stepped out here. I think the combination of Ativan and Vicodin has finally kicked in.”
I lift myself from the chair and head into the bedroom quietly with Angie close behind. I kneel down on the floor beside Lilly gently brushing her hair to the side.
“Lilly baby, Angela’s here. I need to get you on your back so she can help you.”
She stirs with a light whine before rolling to her back. She opens her eyes and looks at me tearfully.
“I’m sorry Demetri. I’m so sorry I lied. I’m....”
I interrupt her with a soft but passionate kiss before backing off. I look into her eyes running my fingers through her hair as I speak, my own tears falling slowly.
“This both changes everything yet nothing Lilly. You are my mate, my luna. You did not want nor did you ask for any of this to happen to you. It is in no way your fault. I love you and that will never change.”
I wrap my arms around her tightly as she cries. She yelps suddenly and I feel her legs draw up against me. “
Lilly, it’s Angela. She needs to look baby, it's okay.”
I can feel her tension and hesitation with the exam. I can’t say that I would want it either but I know it’s a necessity. I lean down to her ear, covering her chest and abdomen with mine.
“I understand your hesitation Lilly. I know you’ve got to be in a lot of pain right now and having anything done in that area is difficult but you know Angie. She’s going to be very gentle with you. Relax your legs into a butterfly honey. I’m going to be right here with you the whole time.”
I reach behind me and gently rub her thigh gradually working my way to the inside. To my relief, she relaxes with my touch and I’m able to guide her into a good position for Angela to check on her.
“Have you ever had a bad tie, Lilly? Relax with my touch. I always start with a small catheter that allows me to numb the inside.”
“No” Lilly manages to yelp as Angela starts on her.
“I’m sorry Lilly. I promise this is the hardest part. Grab tight to Demetri‘s shirt. Let him hold you close. It’s going to get really cold in a minute. It tends to be uncomfortable for a few minutes but it does go away usually by the time I finish the exam.”
We do as Angela encourages and hold each other tightly. I adjust my body so that the new mark she gave me is closest to her nose as the mix of our scents will be strongest at the location. For mates, that mix has a euphoric effect that reduces pain and anxiety.
She startles and yelps hard a minute later but handles everything else with only some soft whimpers. I’m grateful when even those die off. By the time Angela is done, Lilly has fallen asleep in my arms.
“I know she’s already asleep but with everything she’s been through this morning I think a little bit of Valium would help her both mentally and physically.”
She holds her hand out with a small syringe in her palm.
“It’s up to you.”
“I don’t want to drug her down too much right now and I don’t like the idea of giving her a shot while she’s sleeping. What did you find?”
“She does have a decent tear, so I’m glad I went the route I did as it was far less painful and quicker. It’s about two inches long but it was responding nicely to the after tie medication before I cleaned everything up. I’ll come up to your room around nine tonight with the second dose and walk you through giving it to her. If you have Valium in pill form I would recommend her to take that around 8:30 as the second dose still tends to be a bit painful.”
“Thank you, Angela.”
She gives me a smile as I pull her into a hug.
“I’m going to head over to the medical wing. I’ve got a physical to complete at 11:30 before I can check on Cole.”
“I’ll be headed over to Cole once I leave here. Then I’m going to have lunch with all of the trainers.”
She gives me a final nod before leaving the room.
I make my way back to Lilly, laying on the bed with her. I pull her closer to me. She whimpers at first until I touch her face and speak to her.
“Lilly, I wish I could stay with you. All I want is to hold you tight and never let go.”
She opens her eyes and looks into mine. Her normally stunning blue eyes are dull, filled with sadness and worry.
“The only thing today changes is how I help you deal with your past. I certainly won’t ever wear a condom with you again.”
I stifle a small laugh but at least earn a smile from her.
“Was that what you changed? Is that why you suddenly felt like him?”
“Yes Lilly. All I did was put on a condom and pull you back so your thighs were leaning against mine. I felt you change as soon as I pulled you back. That’s why I stopped. I knew it triggered the memories. I’m sorry Lilly. I should have never done that to you.”
“Don’t be. I needed to finally know.”
“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”
“I was convinced of a lot of things when he was training me. A lot of them I still struggle not to believe. He would always tell me that the luna of a pack had to be pure but that no alpha wants a luna that doesn’t know how to please him. That telling anyone what he did to me would make me a whore in your eyes and worthy of rejection.”
I take a deep breath trying to process everything.
“How did seeing Cole’s injuries to his chest trigger your memories? What made you change your mind about talking about it?”
“There was a period of time when he spanked me while I was still tied to the bed. It created cuts and bruises all over my chest and belly. Much like what I saw on him today. The tenderness I saw with how you comforted him and reassured him, a complete stranger that you just met, reminded me of how you treated me early in our relationship. How you fought with your father over completing the mate’s union ceremony because you knew I wasn’t ready for sex. How patiently you waited for me to be ready and how you have let go of your own sexual desires to keep me comfortable. I should have told you sooner. Maybe I could have learned to like sex after all that’s happened to me.”
She yelps as I suddenly straddle her, sliding my hands under her and lowering my body down against her.
“You enjoy it more than you allow yourself to know and I have every intention of slowly, gently teaching you how. You deserve to feel it as it should be without the fear and anxiety you’ve come to know. I love you and I won’t give up on making you happy.”
I capture her lips gently in mine. I can tell how tired she is by how hard it is for her to keep up. I lean my head upon her forehead as we both catch our breath. I gently rub the back of her head when she tries to resume the kiss again.
“It’s okay to sleep, Lilly. I’ll be back later. Are you in any pain?”
She shakes her head as her eyes start to droop again. I slide off her so that I’m face to face with her again, gently stroking her temple as she falls asleep.
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