Chapter 158
(Jessa’s POV)
This is not at all how I anticipated finding my mate. All young wolves hear the beautiful stories of how their parents met. I am no exception. Before they died protecting the alpha they always told me of how dad used training in different packs as a warrior to find my mom. Mom always spoke dreamily about the first time she saw dad. How he was taking a break after a sparring session, it was hot that day and he had taken his shirt off. He was toned with a six pack of abs. His sweat made him all the more attractive to her.
When I was little I found the story disgusting but as I’ve grown older I’ve come to look forward to the same thing. The instant attraction to a young, buff male who’s ready to sweep me off my feet. Never once did I believe I would meet him at his absolute weakest.
I knew walking up to him that his emotions were high strung. I could feel his mind swimming before I ever touched him but his reaction to our eyes meeting seems almost painful for him to add to an already extremely distraught mind.
Both our wolves are weak, but mine is weaker. Although I can feel the instant bond of the mate’s pull it’s not overwhelming for me. It’s actually just the opposite, it’s barely there. The only way I know it’s the mate’s bond is I can feel her, my wolf, for the first time since I’ve arrived here. She’s very interested in this new he-wolf. She whines softly as she feels his overwhelming physical and emotional pain. He’s been treated far worse than us and for a far longer period of time.
“Cole.”
I speak softly as I try to get his attention back on me. I can feel him trying to grab his hair. I know wolves will often resort to creating their own pain as a means of dealing with immense pain and I can only imagine what he must be feeling to have the desire yet have enough control to not hurt me.
“Cole, I need you to look at me as we have an unexpected element that we need to work with.”
He’s breathing hard and he has a shutter that tells me that he’s been silently crying.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I need you to lower hands and lift your head. We need to decide how we are going to move forward with our unexpected situation.”
He relaxes his hands enough to allow me to move them from his head. Alpha is watching the interaction intensely as I have never had an adult patient react this way towards me nor have I ever reacted this way towards a patient.
Even though I’m able to keep my emotions very even I have no idea how things are going to go once I start my read on him. I know before I get into his head that he’s an emotional mess and in physical pain. How I’m going to be able to deal with feeling that come from my own mate, I have never had to think about.
He finally lifts his head and looks at me again, his navy blue eyes are filled with fear and pain.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what, Cole? My main concern right now is your intent.”
He shakes his head with a whine. I’ve never heard or seen a wolf experience physical pain when encountering their fated mate but it most certainly seems to be the case with him.
“This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. I’m weak. I can’t do this.”
His voice is hushed as tears continue to fall. I get down to his level, taking his cheeks in my hands he looks into mine again.
“Do you intend to reject?”
I speak the words quietly but very seriously as his answer will determine how I take care of him. The question itself seems to have knocked the wind out of him as he pants quickly, struggling to tear his eyes away from mine.
“You don’t deserve…..”
“No Cole,” I cut him off. “I need to know your intent. Not what you think I want or you think I deserve. I know what you’re feeling right now, I feel it too. What’s important right now is do you intend to reject?”
I say it a bit more forcefully this time and I know it’s caught alpha’s attention but I have to know.
“No. No ma’am. I’ve been looking. I just. I just….”
He’s shaking his head hard as he tries to explain but there’s no explanation needed. He’s sick and weak and feels undeserving of his mate. I wipe the tears from his cheeks as he looks down again. He’s shaking hard and the mate bond tells me I don’t have much time to find out why he’s so sick as my reads become far more difficult when my patient is asleep.
I run my hand through his hair. I’m desperate to get him to relax but he’s in bad shape and getting worse by the minute. I place my hands on both sides of his face gently lifting his chin.
“Look at me Cole.”
His eyes are darting around the room as if he’s looking for a way out. I can tell it’s panic driven but I don’t know if he’s had any medication to help with it.
I gently bring my hand over his eyes, blocking his vision and forcing him to close them.
“Let's calm the scanning a little Cole. There’s no reason to look for an out. Has he had anything for anxiety, Alpha?”
“Half a mil of Ativan about ten minutes ago.”
I nod my head as I slowly remove my hand from his eyes. He’s still scanning but not nearly as frantically.
“Look at me, Cole.”
This time he complies but I can tell it’s a struggle for him.
“I understand that you’re not ready to accept what has been discovered. I’m not in the best place to accept it either but I’m not going to reject it. I need you to use it. I know you're overwhelmed right now. I can calm your wolf but I need you to focus. You have a lot of negative emotions that will make it difficult for me to accurately judge what’s making you so sick.”
“How?”
He whispers. His energy is low but his mind is swarming and I know getting him to focus on something positive is the only way this is going to work.
“The feeling you get when I touch you. You need to focus on it. Use it to push everything else away. When I do a read on adults I use the submission hold as I have to have control of your wolf to gain access to your mind.”
“Can you read thoughts?”
I smile at his thoughts as I run my hand gently along his temple, gently encouraging him to lay his head down on his arms to one side.
“No. Not thoughts. I can feel what you’re feeling emotionally and physically. Although you appear very calm right now, just this very simple touch along your temple tells me a very different story.”
“Oh yeah, dad. He looks really frantic right now.”
Lucas scoffs in the background. He’s always been a skeptic when it comes to my abilities but the alpha knows better.
“Talk to me Jessa. What’s going on with him?”
I can’t help but shake my head and sigh before speaking.
“I need time that I don’t have. He’s not good. His mind is swarming right now. Pain, anxiety, an overwhelming sense of fear and dread.”
“Dread?”
I’m not certain if Alpha is shocked or misunderstanding of my wording.
“It's the feeling you get before something really bad happens. You know it’s coming. You just don’t know what or when.”
Cole is nearly sleeping as Alpha runs his hand through the hair on the back of his head. I see several of us startle when he yelps with the contact. Even Madisyn starts whimpering softly as alpha speaks to him.
“Cole, are you afraid that I’m going to punish you?”
“He deserves it after he scared Madisyn like he did.”
Lucas is obviously upset with Cole but I’m not sure why. It only takes a second for alpha to silence him with a fierce growl that everyone knows means business.
“The thought is there alpha as no alpha has ever gone easy on me for defiance but overall I just feel like shit. I’m barely awake, everything hurts badly and I have no ability to move from this step.”
“I don’t think you have much time Jessa.”
I nod my head as I step back over to him.
“Considering your reaction to alpha’s touch, I think that this is going to be a lot harder on you than normal.”
I start rubbing his head, slowly and gently working my way down to where his skull meets his neck.
“Concentrate on me, on my touch. Clear your mind.”
I find my pressure point and use my fingers to start applying the pressure I need to subdue his wolf and feel his body. His weakened condition makes it easy to start feeling what he feels but I’m only about half way to the full pressure that I need when he starts whining loudly. I stop where I’m at, maintaining the pressure I’ve established. I concentrate my focus as I already have a partial link that I can start using for minor aches and pains.
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