Chapter 204
I watch him closely as he makes no additional effort to put his padding on. Instead he stands frozen, like a statue, with his eyes closed and his hands grasping at the air beside him.
‘Are you sure you want to push him even farther with a sparring match? He already looks so broken.’
I hear Julie in my head as I walk with my equipment to the mat.
‘It’s the only time he talks is when he’s broken or mad. The spar isn’t what’s going to put him in the 72 hour observation.’
‘He’s already there.’ Julie finishes the thought in my head.
“While I can not pretend to understand why sparring is so difficult for you I can promise you, this is in no way designed to hurt you.”
I speak quietly as I move around him in a circle, closing his padding around him. I pick his foam helmet up from the floor, removing the face shield and unstrapping the chin. I stretch the bottom out and slip it slowly over his head.
“I’m not going to hurt you Cole. I am going to swing at you just as I expect you to swing at me but I’m not going to hurt you.”
I touch his left hand first, preparing to put his gloves on and for the first time, he takes a large step back. Looking up at me, his eyes are scanning fast.
“Alpha please. I’m tired of fighting. I fight for everything I need back home and it’s never enough. Nothing has ever been good enough.”
He whispers as I put the gloves on his hands.
“Are you going to talk? Tell me what your father has been doing to you through the link?”
He drops his head in shame, shaking it as he grows silent again.
“Even though we have padding this time, since we couldn’t get you comfortable with your padding below the waist this spar will be above the waist only. Hits are to be aimed at the chest, abs, or sides. Contact is to made on the padding. Although stray hits will occur purposely aiming for the head or face is not allowed. During our normal spars when both parties are fully padded, almost anything goes but I’m making adjustments to account for removing the face shield since it affects your ability to see and the pads you’re not wearing.”
He nods while I speak shifting uncomfortably in his spot.
“Now, when I spar with my sons, I shout commands. Depending on which side of the mat you’re on I will either tell you to come forward or move back. I also use ‘hold’ for pause or stop and ‘go or again’ for starting back up. My expectation is for you to come after me but I will be keeping you on your toes, switching you between both offense and defense. I will keep this going until you let go. Give me your anger, tell me what he’s said to you.”
He shakes his head as he steps away from me again. I can hear Madilyn whimpering in the background. I form a link with Angela asking her to check on her, to make certain that she’s not cramping from the stress Cole is in. Oddly, my own stomach is calm, making me wonder if it was only because he was on death's door that my daughter and I reacted so violently to his presence.
Once Angela confirms that she’s simply scared because he is, I prepare the same way I helped him. My vest is designed slightly differently making it easier for me to strap myself into it. I remove the face shield from my helmet before placing it on my head and finish off with putting my gloves on. I step up to his pacing frame slowly, stopping him gently. Just looking at him tells me what a challenge this is going to be.
“Lucas, go grab the hand pads. I’m going to get him started the same as last time.”
I keep my hands on him as I hear Lucas enter the closet.
“Cole, please. Just talk to me.”
I beg him quietly enough that no one else can hear.
“Talking makes it real. Talking makes the truth unavoidable.”
“Dad?” Lucas interrupts. Just the sound of his voice makes Cole whine harshly.
“Stay.” I whisper before stepping away to get the pads.
“Thank you, for keeping your distance.” I’m sincere as Lucas looks up into my eyes.
“Uhm. Yeah. Sure.”
“You didn’t keep your distance out of respect did you?” I ask while I partially remove my gloves and put the pads on my hands.
“I don’t know why I want to see this. I just do. I’ve never seen anyone fear you like I saw at the table. When you were commanding him to answer your questions. Is that the fear you were talking about? The fear you said he has of me?”
I sigh, not knowing exactly how to explain it to him.
“I don’t think it’s quite as ingrained but yes son, he does fear you.”
He steps away without another word, taking a seat in the chairs positioned around the ring.
“Come to the center, Cole. We are going to start this off the exact same way as last time.”
He follows my directive, slowly coming to the center. He looks at me briefly, sadness and fear consuming him.
“Hands up Cole, you’re going first.”
I start with him slowly. Simply touching his gloved hands with the pads, giving him stern directives until he starts participating. I stay like this for several minutes until I see the gradual change that I’m looking for. The change that tells me he’s getting angry and he’s ready to let loose. I follow his change, allowing him to take his anger out of the pads in relative silence.
“Hold.” I call out.
It only takes a second for him to stop and walk back to the center of the ring. He’s still showing significant stress and so far, has stopped fighting the sparring session. I walk to the edge of the mat, throwing the pads to the floor and adjusting my gloves back onto my hands.
“Alright Cole. Now we start transitioning between offensive and defensive strategies.” I explain calmly.
“I can’t keep going alpha. Please, you’re pushing me too far.”
“I need you to talk to me. You’ve been going down hill at a remarkable pace which tells me tonight’s incident with your father wasn’t the first this week but it was definitely the most devastating and I can not help you without you telling me what happened.”
“You can’t help me any more alpha. Calling me back for a second run won’t work.”
“Don’t lose faith in me based on the words of your abuser. He could easily be feeding you a lie.”
He shakes his head as I position myself in front of him.
“You don’t understand, alpha. He doesn’t lie to me. Everything he has ever said he has done.”
We start back up our sparring gently, meeting gloves in the middle as we circle the mat.
“Once again, you are to start. You throw the first swing.”
“You don’t know what you’re doing to me.”
“I believe that I do, Cole. I’m telling you to get emotional. To allow yourself to vent what your father did, what he said while having you trapped in that link today.”
“I don’t want to talk alpha.”
He lashes out as he speaks.
“It doesn’t do me any good and only serves to make it real.”
He finally starts putting his anger and strength into his hits, coming hard and fast. I put my full concentration into his strikes, blocking most of them while occasionally accepting one to the padding before throwing a swing or two back his way. Our spar is intense as we both get into the meat of it. I’m actually enjoying this duel with him and I lose track of how he’s doing emotionally as he becomes more engaged in the fight.
A sudden collision with the right side of my mouth brings me quickly back to reality as he realizes exactly what he’s done despite the deep rage he’s experiencing. He turns his back to me, walking away as he throws his gloves to the ground.
“I’m done!” He yells, anger in his voice.
“Not until you talk.” I comment calmly.
He shakes his head as he takes off his helmet. It, too, lands on the floor with a soft thud.
“No alpha, I’m done!”
“Not until you talk.” I repeat with a bit more force in my voice.
“No! What’s the point of talking? I’m done! Not just this sparring match! Everything! I’m done with the program!”
“What are you talking about?” I’m quite confused with this turn of information.
“I told you not to contact the council. That they only make things worse.”
“We explained that to you. Once Jessa discovered that you had both silver poisoning and blood poisoning we didn’t have a choice.”
“There is always a choice.”
His voice is hard and deliberate as he speaks. It’s a voice I’ve never heard from him but it’s easy to tell the struggle he’s in to keep his cool. I walk slowly towards him, removing my gloves and helmet in the process.
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