Chapter 71
“Everything about Cole just feels wrong to me. I saw him struggling on the bus to interact with me. The obvious fear he had of having done something wrong when he addressed me as Alpha Black and I asked him not to. The anxiety he had when he thought you were going to send him home because you decided to treat him as an individual and separate him from his pack. The strangled yelp he had this morning when I touched him during the asthma attack. The way he weakly tried to get away from you when you got close enough to him to help. The way he screamed when you put your hand on the back of his neck and the way he begged you not to hurt him when you ordered him to submit. It’s wrong dad. You’ve beat my ass twice and forgave a third I more than deserved. You’ve grabbed me in a painfully hard submission hold when I’ve crossed line and wouldn’t back down but to fear calling you by the wrong name?”
He’s shaking his head hard and I’m struggling with the pain I see Damian going through, trying to figure out his own thoughts on what position he wants to take with Cole.
“You said you allowed Lynnie to lay with him, that he was afraid of her. What did you see that told you he was afraid?”
“Well from the beginning, when I sat her down on the bed, he reached out to touch her but stopped short of actually touching her. It was only after she crawled off the bed into my arms that I tried to explain the rumors on simple terms which caused her to ask why. That’s how I found out that he’s protecting them. I put her back with him when she settled down. When she laid down with him he asked her if he could touch her. Every move he made with her is the same as what I have done. Rubbing her back, petting her hair, nothing that I would consider predatory or sexual. Before your mom came in I noticed that his breathing was stiff and his body completely frozen except for the one hand that was petting her hair.”
“And you believe this was a fear response?”
“He told Lynnie that it’s not her that he’s afraid of. Which leads me to believe it’s his interaction with her that he’s afraid of. When he stopped short of actually touching her the first time she was on the bed he told her he didn’t think I’d want him to touch her.”
“So even when given permission he feels he’s going to get in trouble for being with her?”
“It seems that way.”
I’m not certain as to where this is going but I want him to know I’m not going to hide anything from him.
He finally makes eye contact with me again as he speaks.
“He needs help, dad. Being afraid even with permission to do something isn’t normal. Something is wrong with the pack he’s in and he needs a way out. I don’t know what you have planned but I will help you anyway I can.”
I nod my head, slowly taking in consideration what my main trainers and trainee in the pack have said. I have one trainer and my only trainee that are already against Cole and three, not including me, remaining neutral. I have several plans in mind but they are all contingent on something else happening first.
“At the moment,” I speak candidly, putting everyone’s attention back on me. “The bulk of Cole’s testing and training will be one on one with me.”
I watch as several heads cock to one side, silently asking the question why.
“Although I do not feel he’s a danger to anyone, the level of anxiety he has shown and his very high reactivity to his environment lead me to believe that challenging him in the way that’s needed to judge his character will be quite difficult for him to handle. Out of everyone here, I have the most experience in bringing him back to reality should he black out into a flashback. That is not to say you won’t work with him.
Patrick and Lucas, I cannot fully support your stances not to work with him. I can, however, give you time to observe myself and the others working directly with him to allow you to become more comfortable with him. You will be expected to work with him on a limited basis in a neutral manner before the end of the six month run. I will be holding Cole to the same character standards as the other prospects. In testing his character and abilities I will both be easier and harder on him then the others.”
“How can you be both?” Lucas is getting curious about my plans.
“When I work with a wolf like Cole I expect high stress situations to have extreme reactions. As a result of pushing him to that extreme, it’s important that I have complete control over the environment in order to help calm him and keep him from going into a panic attack. So it’s harder on him psychologically than on the others because of the high amount of negativity and punishment he’s going to anticipate, especially very early in the testing process as he’s getting to know us and what’s expected of him. It will be easier on him in the sense of the amount of emotional support he will be receiving from me. Unlike the others, Cole lacks all confidence in everything that he does. There have been multiple times that even when given simple directions involving physical interaction with me such as; look me in the eyes, lay your head on my arm, and scoot back into me; I have been met with resistance.”
I pause a moment to collect my thoughts as admitting what I’m thinking is quite difficult.
“What’s wrong dad?” Damian sounds concerned about my sudden pause.
“It’s not often that I come across situations where a wolf appears to have been punished as often for following directions as they were for defying them.”
“Then how would they know what’s expected of them?” Damian asks sadly.
“They don’t.” I state simply. “They grow up believing they are a failure. That it doesn’t matter what they do; good, bad or neutral, they will be punished.”
“You’re telling me that you’ve spent enough time with him today to believe he expects to be punished? For what?” Patrick sounds shocked and appalled at such an assumption.
“Anything. Everything. Eventually the abuse goes on for long enough that the wolf ends up in one of three personalities. They can become a crazed psychopath seeking revenge on everyone they come in contact with or, more commonly, they become numb to their environment. Nothing seems to matter to them. Cole seems to fit best into the third category as he’s obviously not violent but he’s not numb either. He’s actually extremely sensitive.”
“What’s the third category?“ Parker asks.
“The perfectionist, although I’m not certain that’s the best way to describe them. It’s the wolf who wants to belong so badly that they develop an extreme sense of right and wrong. They are often compelled to enforce their narrow sense of what’s acceptable on others, often to their own detriment, out of fear that if the individual is caught doing what they believe is wrong, they would meet the same terrible punishment they have often suffered. I have a feeling that Cole is going to be the type that strives to do everything right and will ultimately struggle with anything he does wrong as he will have an overwhelming expectation for extreme punishment even for the simplest things.”
“Which is why you want to be one on one with his testing to start with.”
“Yes, Pat. I need to know his reactions, how easily he’s triggered and how hard it is to get him back on track once he’s triggered. Above all else, no one, but me, submits him.”
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