Chapter 189

(Cole’s POV)

The kindness Alpha has shown me while working on his computer wasn’t something I expected considering how our conversation about my pack went. I am dying inside to leave the hell that I live behind but I have never challenged his threat. I have only been at another pack for three months at the most before being sent home.
With me now passing the two month mark last week I’m certain he’s pacing his office and taking his frustrations out on any wolf that crosses his path the wrong way. I’ve heard rumors that when I’m not home things tend to get rough for the omega and gamma helpers of the pack, even worse for the female pups the longer I stay away from home.
The more Alpha talks about me staying the harder I have to work to convince myself to leave. My mate is here and Alpha has been nothing but supportive over the last several months. Even when he gave me space after the duel with Lucas he was still very supportive even though it was indirect.
I am further surprised when I finally make my way to the common room. After four weeks of essentially avoiding everyone except Dr. Pierce, the squeals of excitement coming from the alpha’s twins melted my heart. I drop to my knees to accept them, not realizing the awkwardness it would cause me until they were in my arms.
“Relax Cole, don’t fight me.”
Alpha’s voice is gentle and reassuring as he takes my hands, one at a time and wraps them around the girls, desperately trying to snuggle into my neck.
“I have no issues with you talking, hugging or caring for my girls Cole. You have shown me repeatedly that your only desire is to protect them. I have no restrictions on you when it comes to them.”
For as long as I have desperately wanted to hear an alpha say this for some reason I find it nerve racking and confusing. How can this alpha trust me with his youngest and most vulnerable pups when I can’t even look at a newborn without getting slapped across the face in front of everyone back home?
I can’t help but seek the comfort of their scent as Alpha Black and Alpha Lucas start arguing. Hearing their conversation, which is mostly about me, is quite difficult and my stomach is churning badly by the end of it. The only consolation from hearing their conversation is finding out that alpha withdrew his son’s ability to choose physical punishment. For that, I’m grateful. Physical punishment should never be the answer, not when it can be so easily abused.
It’s only when the alpha comes back over to the girls and I that they manage to pry themselves off of me. They excitedly pull me to the table before taking their seats. True to her word Madisyn sits nicely and is no longer playing games with her chair. Shortly after sitting down, betas Patrick and Parker join us.
“Good evening Cole.”
I look up quickly at the sound of Beta Patrick’s voice.
“It’s been a while since we’ve seen you. It’s nice to know you haven’t run off.”
I open my mouth before closing it, not certain as to the best way to respond to his statement.
“It’s okay. It’s been a while. How have you been doing? I’ve seen you watching my group when we’ve set up near the playground. Any interest in starting to train with us?”
I’m not used to this type of attention and I’m failing miserably at such simple conversation.
“Who are you kidding Patrick? Didn’t you see how he responded to sparring with me? That right there should have put him on a hold in the hospital.”
Lucas spits out venomously before I have a chance to speak.
“Lucas, you’ve been warned. You will remain silent if your commentary has anything to do with Cole.”
“So you’re changing it?”
I take a sharp breath in knowing that the way he’s speaking to his father would have resulted in me being slapped right out of the chair I was sitting in before being sent to my father’s office for a lesson in speaking with respect.
I close my eyes as the tremors start and I’m struggling to keep the flashbacks away. Even when on the antidepressant medication my ptsd never lets me have any peace from the trauma I’ve endured. There’s something about the way he’s talking to his father, the anger and disrespect he’s expressing that’s causing this trigger. Without even thinking I speak.
“You’re lucky he’s your father, you know?”
I’m surprised when everyone stops and looks at me.
“You have nothing to say about any of this. It’s all your fault that I’m on house arrest. Do you know how many girls are begging to come over and every time they come to the house dad turns them away?”
“I was thirteen, Lucas, the first time I tried to speak to my dad that way. I was speaking out against the treatment the female warriors were receiving during training compared to the males. I called him out on the abusive practices that he was encouraging to happen to his own pack members. Instead of considering my arguments against such archaic practices I got slapped across the face hard enough that me and my chair fell to the floor. He came after me before I could pick myself up and flee to my room. The next morning I woke up in the hospital with my mouth wired shut. It was the first of several times he managed to break my jaw.”
I take a moment to breathe as I know I’ve gone too far. Why I had even mentioned it I couldn’t easily tell anyone the answer.
“I’m sorry alpha, that was inappropriate. Can I be excused to my room? I’d like to lay down for a little while before moving what I have upstairs to the room you showed me, if you haven’t changed your mind about that.”
My voice is pathetically small as I apologize for sharing without thinking. He places his hand over the one I have resting on the table as everyone else remains silent, slowly resuming their meal after such a sad memory had been shared. I startle badly, barely containing my desire to yelp at his contact as I quickly lift my head and look at his face.
“I have no issue with you resting while we finish eating. The room I showed you is yours, the pin lock on it has already been deactivated so if you want to bring what you need for the night downstairs and rest there we can wait until tomorrow, when you’re feeling a bit better, to move the rest of your stuff from upstairs.”
Without fail, alpha’s voice is calm and understanding of my needs as he gently rubs the back of my hand.
“Thank you.” I respond with a nod, closing my eyes and bowing my head desperately trying to will the tremors away.
“Jessa has been asking about you. She wants to get to know you. I told her and Angela that I would be moving you to the ground floor. May I share with her where you’re at so she can visit with you?”
“Is that even allowed?”
I shock myself by questioning the alpha of the pack.
“The council tends to frown upon relationships during a run but as the lead alpha of the pack, I do allow it to happen.”
He explains easily, not at all disturbed by my question.
“And when it comes to you and Jessa, I’m encouraging both of you to get to know each other.”
I look towards him again as he finishes. He pats my hand gently before drawing his hand back.
“You go ahead and get yourself comfortable. Lilly and I will bring the girls to visit after dinner.”
I nod my head with another thanks as I stand from my seat. I walk silently to the stairs, stopping and looking around me before starting my way up.
It takes me longer to get up the stairs than it does to gather what I want and head back down. My mind is swarming with negativity after revealing that memory and I’m feeling out of control as I get off the stairs.
I turn to my right and head down the hallway behind the stairs, pausing briefly as I approach the door to my new room. I place my hand on the knob and push down, slowly opening the door. I have no idea why I’m approaching this room as if some rabid wild animal is waiting to jump out at me but I am.

The Son of Red Fang
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