Chapter 94
(Demetri’s POV)
I don’t like what I’m seeing. These extreme shifts between being in control and anxiety attacks are a major concern as they tell me a story about his mental stability and right now it’s telling me he has none.
‘Madilyn can you hear daddy?’
‘Yes sir. What’s wrong with Cole?’
‘He’s been treated very bad for a long time and that makes it easy for him to get very scared, very quickly. Are you feeling better?’
‘Yes daddy, they’re all gone. My belly doesn’t hurt no more.’
‘Good. Do you think you can help Cole?’
‘How can I help him?’
‘Get him talking with you again. He did really well when he concentrated on you.’
‘What do we talk about?’
‘Anything sweetie. You asked him a question about the young girls he helps. He never answered it. See if he’ll talk about that.’
She goes quiet but I keep the link open just in case she needs more of a reminder of what she asked. Fortunately, she doesn’t disappoint.
She carefully starts moving around, trying to get out of his grip. He lets her go but I can tell that it hurts him to do so. I watch his mouth move but no sound comes out. His eyes are closed tightly and one hand is gripping the mattress tightly. I touch his hand lightly. He makes a sound but strangles it back. Madilyn finally lays back down. Her head is on the pillow but she’s facing him this time. She reaches over and touches his face. His rapid breathing hitches as he feels her delicate fingers on his cheek.
“Breathe Cole.”
Lilly tries to soothe, gently running her finger across his shoulders.
“Why are you fraid?” Madilyn finally whispers.
“I deserve to be punished.”
He finally whispers after a long pause. I can almost feel the shock ripple through the room. I meet Angela’s eyes as she puts the syringe back on the table her tools are sitting on. She looks confused and disheartened as I look at Lilly next. The look of heartbreak showing on her face.
“Why do you think that?”
I interject before Madilyn can ask.
“I’m not supposed to interact with the pups. Every pack has had an issue with it, not just my own. As soon as Dallas opens his mouth I’m punished for getting near them.”
He lets go of the mattress, lifting his hand towards his head. I stand from my seat, slipping my hand into his before he can get there.
“I wasn’t going to hurt myself alpha. Please believe me.”
He whispers, in pain and frustration.
“Angela has started the internal stitches. You need to keep your hands away until she’s done.”
I explain gently as I rub his hand.
“What’s going on? You were doing great and now it’s like you feel guilty about what you’ve done. I gave you Madilyn because you said you could help. And you did.”
“I am guilty alpha.”
“Of what? You helped her.”
“You don’t understand alpha.” His voice is straining under the pressure of trying to hold back.
“Please. Help me to understand, Cole.”
“I want her, alpha.”
I’m taken aback by his confession and I can feel a spike in Lilly’s anxiety through the bond.
‘Do not snatch her off the bed. Walk around normally.’
I try to calm her through the link so she’s not further upsetting Cole.
“Madilyn, how about you go with your mom to use the bathroom and get ready for bed again.”
My voice is calm and gentle, brushing her hair from her face as I hold Cole’s hand. His grip is strong but he’s metering his strength so as not to cause me discomfort. Once Lilly has taken Madilyn from the room I try to understand his panic, his absolute fear.
“Cole, I need help to understand. You said that you want her. Who and in what way?”
“Your daughter, alpha. She’s sweet and innocent.”
I bite down on my tongue not wanting to react to what he’s said hoping that he’s not finished.
“I know how it sounds. There’s only one way for it to sound, considering what Dallas has said about me but that’s not what I want, I need from her.”
“Need, Cole?”
I ask as delicately as I can knowing this young man is quickly spiraling out of control. I move from my seat to the bed, maintaining my hold on his hand as he tries to pull away.
“I can’t explain it. Just beat me now. Lay into me hard. Please just beat the desire out of me.”
He’s absolutely begging for punishment for something he hasn’t done as tears stream down his face.
“I need your help to understand Cole. Why do I need to punish you, to beat you? You have a desire towards my daughter but you’ve denied ever having sex and that you’ve ever raped anyone. You swear that you don’t hurt the pups and as an intuitive I can tell when you’re lying. As I told you in the bathroom, you’ve yet to trigger a very powerful bullshit meter.”
I can tell by his face that he hates going into details. That he’s already struggling with his own self worth when it comes to his desire for my daughter.
It takes him a long time to finally break the monotony of Angela and her tools stitching Cole’s head back together.
“I want to hold her, alpha. I want to keep her close, to comfort and protect her from anyone and anything that may harm her. Pups are pure and innocent. They are the only ones that have never hurt me. They are the only ones that have accepted me for who I am and not what others have said about me. Even tonight when she was scared because of what Lucas told her she was able to bypass those fears and give me a chance. The older they are the harder it is to convince them. But it’s wrong, alpha. It’s wrong to want, to need such a connection with pups that aren’t mine.”
I watch as Angela starts cleaning up. I’d like to see how it turned out but his sanity taking such a hard turn toward the worse is a much bigger concern.
I try to lay down with him again but I’m met with a resistance that I wasn’t expecting. He has again convinced himself that he’s deserving of punishment and so far nothing I’ve said is getting through to him. There is something driving his desire to have pups close to him. Something that goes beyond simply helping them even if that’s the way it started. Have the beatings left him impotent? Not something I would dream of asking right now but considering his age and his hunt for his luna there’s no doubt that having pups of his own is on his mind. What I need now is for him to finish telling me about his previous relationships and this box of mild bdsm restraints he was given.
I allow him to push me away. To struggle and fight me as I try to get close to him. He’s utterly exhausted and it doesn’t take long for it to show. Even though he’s exhausted himself I decide to take a different route trying to comfort him and move to Angela’s seat at the head of the bed.
“Cole, the desires you have, the more I listen to what you’ve said, sounds like you want to be a father. I will admit that the way you said it mixed with the rumors did initially cause some concern but the way you broke it down, that you have the desire to hold and protect Madilyn, is a natural desire. You’re a young male in your twenties looking for your mate. The next step after finding her would be to have pups and that’s normal.”
I try to convince him but his contorted face tells me that he’s not hearing any of it.
“I’m not allowed to have pups.”
He finally whispers. I’m taken back by this information. How could anyone deny another the right to reproduce?
“When I got called to my dad’s office that night, even though I thought everything he said was horrible and cruel, I knew better than to say anything about it. Here he was, teaching me how to rape my only friend at the time but I couldn’t say a word against it. I knew better to open my mouth when he wasn’t punishing me. He gave me permission that day to have as much sex with as many she-wolves as I fancied but it was at a price. If I fucked up and got her pregnant I would have hell to pay.”
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