Chapter 255
Friday July 20th; 8am
(Cole’s POV)
It’s been a month since my meeting with alpha discussing my options for getting out of the hell I call home. I was allowed to take the hard splint off for good two weeks ago but that hasn’t kept me out of the med wing.
I’ve been in a steady slide into severe depression and I’ve had to seek the comfort of both alpha and Dr. Pierce when my feelings have become too extreme for me to handle alone.
My mood swings have been so wild that I’ve gotten extremely nasty with Jessa. I so much as begged alpha to send her on a trip with Alpha Damian until today because I knew how badly I was hurting her. I didn’t mean to hurt her and I know I’m going to pay dearly for my lack of control when I return.
Sleep is scarce at best and eating is nearly impossible. I can’t begin to describe how many times I have screamed myself awake, fighting alpha’s hold around me just to break down and cry in his arms. The anticipation of returning after six months of relative peace is as torturous as the beating I know I’m going to get as soon as I step out of the van.
The ding of my new phone causes me to yelp even though there isn’t anyone around me. Going through the monotony of emptying my clothing from the drawers and closet is weighing hard on me as I pick my phone up off the dresser, checking on the message I just received.
It’s from Jessa asking if I’m okay. I refuse to lie to her but I also don’t want to worry her.
That’s actually what our last fight was about. Alpha hasn’t said a word to me about staying. I know it’s an option but my instincts tell me that I must return one last time. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to argue with my wolf about how stupid returning is. How it’s going to be the death of me to do so, but there’s something calling me back and I must find out what it is. Jessa hasn’t been quite as accepting and I blew up on her last week. I can’t say that I blame her.
A light knock on my door frame causes me to yelp again. I lift my eyes from the phone alpha gave me last month to the door, casting my gaze down when I see alpha’s concern.
“I know you’re having a hard time. The offer stands all the way until you leave my territory.”
He speaks gently without the pressure I get from my mate.
“If you stop for a break will you be able to start again?”
I shake my head as the tears fall before I can turn my back to him. I feel so emotionally weak that I’m struggling with everything.
“Don’t fight me Cole.”
I can tell he’s moving towards me before he puts his hands on my shoulders, turning me around. I follow his movements but make none of my own until he pulls me in. The flood gates open as soon as I touch him, wrapping my arms around him as he holds me tightly in silence. It’s only as I finally calm down that he speaks.
“Please, talk to me.” His plea is a whisper but I easily hear him.
“I’m terrified alpha. I don’t want to leave but I can’t explain why I must return. I keep saying that I need that laptop but the more I think about it the more I question that motive. There is something that I must see or do before I can finally be free of that wretched hell. I just don’t know what it is. I have no proper reasoning for returning.
All of the pups I help have told me repeatedly that they would understand if I left. Olivia has told me every time I return that it makes her sad to see me. Not because she doesn’t want to see me but because she loves me so much she doesn’t want me to return to such a hell hole. I know what’s waiting for me when I get out of that van, the horrors that await me.
Every time he sends me away I’m greeted back by dad and Kristoph but it’s not the happy reunion everyone else gets. It’s simply the easiest way to grab a hold of me so they can punish me for everything wrong they know I did. I’m chained like an animal for days until someone finds me. It takes months for me to heal physically from his damage and the memories never truly fade.
I don’t understand alpha. I don’t know why I need to return but every instinct I have is screaming at me that I must. There is something bigger than what I already have on my laptop to get and the only way to find it is by breaking into my father’s computer one last time.”
My fists shake with the tension of squeezing his shirt between them. I’m falling apart at the thought of returning home and for the life of me I can not figure out why. If leaving is this devastating then why am I doing it? Am I truly that weak that when given the opportunity to leave everything behind I return instead?
(Demetri’s POV)
I remain silent as I hold this young man. His body shakes, almost violently, as he clings to me. His tears slowly lost in the fabric of my shirt.
“I came to check on you, knowing that packing up and leaving would be hard. There are options.”
“No alpha. Either you put me on a 72 and force me to stay in the hopes that Xavier will get back to you at the last second or you let me go. I’ve been fighting my wolf for weeks on this decision as it no longer makes any sense for me to leave but he’s steadfast on our return. He knows something that I don’t and he insists that I find it.”
He somehow manages to choke through his explanation.
“Has he ever been wrong?”
I know I have asked him this before but something compels me to ask again.
“No. Being here is the first time I’ve been able to realize that he’s never wrong.”
“Which is why you’re so willing to leave?”
“I have no other way to explain it.”
“I need you to allow something with me. You’ve been refusing it for a while but it’s something that you need. Will you sit on the bed with me?”
To my surprise, I can feel him nod against my shoulder. I’ve steadily increased the time I spend with him, giving him as much positive attention as he will accept but it’s been a real struggle for him the last two months.
He recently admitted that his refusal was because he doesn’t want to remember such kindness coming from a stranger when he has endured such brutality from his own father.
I slowly release my hold around him as he backs away, slowly making his way to the opposite side of the bed. He sits on the edge, his back towards me, his posture screams the fear he’s in even though he’s agreed to sit with me.
“Move into the center. I’m not going to hurt you.”
He hesitates a moment before pushing himself into the middle, curling into a ball when he stops. I make my way over to the bed, sitting far enough away that I can slip my legs around him. He’s tense as I slide one leg under his while curling the other around his back. I can tell this is going to be a bad reaction before I put my hands on him. Just as he’s compelled to return to the pack that’s causing his tremendous fear I am compelled to hold him one last time.
I get as close as I can before wrapping my arms around him. His fight or flight response makes me cringe as his yelps and screams echo off his bedroom walls. His fight is weak, showing me how much he wants what I’m giving so I let him fight it out until he collapses against me, his fear and sadness escaping loudly through his sobs. He’s wrapped his arms around mine, holding me tightly to his chest. I sit with him silently. Holding him as if he’s one of my own waking from some horrid nightmare. Only his nightmare is real and he’s only hours away from entering hell again.
I allow my own tears to drop as I know I’m completely helpless. Xavier was unable to get a meeting with the council. The only response he received was that they were short staffed from members leaving or retiring and overwhelmed with higher priorities than to look into an abuse case where the abused isn’t talking. I’m holding one of the worst cases of Battered Adult syndrome I have encountered in the ten years since I’ve started accepting prospects and he’s falling through the cracks.
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