Chapter 248
(Demetri’s POV)
I’m shocked but amused by Jessa’s solution to his panic attack, even though the panic attack itself is a major concern.
‘We ask nothing about what happened when he was fifteen.’ I speak through the link with Angela and Julie.
‘It’s best if we get him talking about it, Demetri. The longer he doesn’t speak about it the harder it will be for him to admit that it happened.’ Julie voices her concerns.
‘I understand that’s not our normal way of working but you saw what happened when he accidentally brought it up. He’s only here for another month or so, we can’t support him through another mental breakdown and help him plan his escape. The escape itself is going to cause him a major setback from where he’s at now.’
‘I don’t like it but I understand your concern.’ Julie relents easier than I anticipated.
I come out of the link with them in time to hear what I didn’t anticipate from Cole.
“As much as I’m enjoying this, something else is as well and it’s making me really uncomfortable. We need to stop.”
He whispers, disappointment in his voice, near Jessa’s ear.
“Please let me know if you don’t understand the question or if you want the ladies to step out.”
I chuckle slightly when Angela turns to face me when I reference her and Julie.
“Based on your comment, it seems you’re uncomfortable with your soldier paying attention to Jessa’s activities.”
“Is it that obvious he’s doing something?”
He states, nervously looking around for something to cover up with.
“It’s a normal reaction Cole. Relax. There’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.”
I sigh as his panic returns, saddened that such a normal thing has been so heavily demonized making me wonder if he will ever be able to recover mentally from the hell he has lived.
“Jessa, I think you may want to intervene before he starts hurting himself trying to rid himself of a normal reaction.”
I try to keep the frustration and sadness from my voice as I watch the young man trying to push his erection away. Jessa turns her body to face his, straddling his legs yet sitting on top in such a way that he can’t reach between them.
“Please, Jessa. He needs to go away. You’ve been hurt by him before.”
I’m shocked by his statement as she has never spoken to me about being raped.
“No Cole.”
Her voice is forceful and direct, forcing him to stop and look at her.
“He is a part of you and you have never hurt me.”
He whines softly as she takes both of his hands in hers, leaning his forehead against her shoulder in defeat.
“Does it hurt?”
She whispers the one question I never thought of and I’m grateful that Angela and Julie remain non reactive even though I know they heard her. He lifts his head quickly, looking at her face.
“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked.”
He shakes his head slowly as he speaks.
“No,” he whispers. “It doesn’t physically hurt. I’ve been trained with contradicting messages so mentally it’s very difficult to have an erection.”
I take advantage of his calmness to start speaking again.
“I know that the unknown may seem scary and the sheer idea of the changes that will occur when you leave, overwhelming, but those are the things that you need to hang onto. Your six months here, outside of Lucas, is ultimately what you will gain when you join my pack plus so much more.”
I’ve attracted his attention back to me and Jessa has, again, adjusted how she’s sitting on him. He doesn’t look nearly as uncomfortable and is gently rubbing the hem of Jessa’s shirt between his fingers.
“Unfortunately, we do need to get back to this plan you seem to have been working on. We need to know what you’re going to do, what happens if you get caught and what kind of condition, mentally and physically, you will be in when you get here.”
He shakes his head again, ducking his nose down into Jessa’s hair.
“Talking about it has already made her upset.”
“It’s your return to that wretched place that upsets me. It’s still horrifying to think he sent you away like he did.”
“My plan….” He starts off slowly. “Is to fake running away.”
“You have got to be kidding!” I exclaim over the multiple shocked gasps.
“It will be one of the hardest things to go through outside of what happened when I was fifteen but it honestly is the only way out.”
I stare at him in shock, dumbfounded that this is his only answer.
“The only reason I’m returning is to get that laptop. When he sent me to the first pack, he didn’t go through my things but somehow he found out that I had taken my nebulizer and medication with me, at least what little I had. After that he started going through my stuff. No matter how long I delayed getting my stuff to the bus, even when I put my stuff in the storage area myself, my meds always went missing so even though I took my laptop to the first pack and left it behind when I went to the second, I knew that he would take it if I ever had it on me.”
I’m starting to calm down as he explains his reasoning.
“I tried to run away when I was eighteen. Well, it was two months before I turned. My involvement with the littles was only Olivia and she constantly told me that she understood my desire to get away and Mr. Jenkins had started trying to convince dad to let me move in but I was not aware of his efforts until after dad kicked me out of the house.
I had a handful of clothes, a month of medication and $100 when I hopped out the window. I was within a mile of Dr. Carter’s house in the neutral zone when my father’s border patrol caught up to me.”
He ducks back down into Jessa’s hair and I can tell he’s seeking a ground.
“What happened?” I ask, certain I already know the answer.
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