In The Beginning, Chapter 113
Charlie POV
Daniel remained, with his head on my back, his arms around my waist, holding me to him for several more moments, before straightening, and turning my chin to face him.
“Are you sure?” He asked softly, his eyes betraying his fear and pain.
“Will it help me understand?” I asked, my voice catching in my throat.
“I hope so...” He replied, his eyes darting from my eyes to my mouth, as we were once again drawn together, like magnets. “I love you, only you. I will always love you, even if you leave me... Know I loved you until my last breath. Longer if there is an afterlife, as long as my consciousness, my soul, any part of me exists, I will love you.” He swore, before his lips pressed against mine, and the imaged appeared, like I was watching a movie, I saw her sit down opposite him, she smelled strange. “It was always you.” His voice drowned out what she was saying. Suddenly she was sat on the desk, but it wasn’t her, it was me, with skanky-ass clothes, and cheaply dyed red hair.
“I’m your real mate. She was sent to seduce you, and take your pack, she is a deceiver, a vampire. I’m your true moon blessed, you feel it, don’t you?” She/me pouted, I could sense Daniel’s confusion, her scent was overpowering, everything became fuzzy, like I had been drugged, I struggled to understand what was happening as she ran her hands over Daniel’s body. “Don’t you want me baby? I’m your mate, I’m the one who is supposed to be with you. Don’t you want to be mine? For me to be yours?” She/I asked him.
“I don’t... Charlie? What’s happening?” I heard Daniel asked, just as confused as me, when my mouth filled with saliva, the most delicious thing I had ever smelled was radiating out of her/me. It was sweet and complex, with many different scents, almost like a dessert of some kind, but after one sniff I needed more. Daniel shoved his nose into the crook of her/my neck much more aggressively than he ever had with the real me, I felt his fangs begin to scratch at his gums. It felt more like obsession than attraction as Daniel almost lost control. She stretched her bare neck out, not unlike how I do to offer comfort, but her implication was clear, she wanted him to mark her, and he was tempted. She became unfocused as Daniel gazed past her to the real me, clutching my chest, looking devastated, the noise of the door opening alerting him to another’s presence. “Get out, can’t you see I’m with my mate!” I heard him bark again, but as I looked at the real me, things started getting sharper, until she/I giggled, drawing my attention back to her, her scent becoming so strong it was all I could smell... but there had been something missing before. I felt movement between my legs as I tried to figure out what it was.
“I am your mate!” I heard myself snarl.
“You are a deceiver!” I heard Daniel growl, but the pain in my voice allowed him to look away from her/me.
“Daniel?” The real me questioned, I was even clearer than before, but she/me put a hand on his cheek and made the obsession a dire need. Our lips drew closer, like she/I was an oasis in the middle of the desert and Daniel was dying of thirst, the image receded, and I found myself nose to nose with Daniel. He was watching me intently, trying to gauge my reaction, but I didn’t know what to say, or feel. I turned back to the table and cut him a small piece of the lasagne, that had cooled significantly. He took it, still watching me like a bomb that was likely to explode but took the bite without complaint. I took a large sip of my wine before cutting a second piece.
“Your turn.” He said, refusing to take the food, too exhausted to argue, I popped it into my mouth. I’m sure it was delicious, but I couldn’t taste a thing, recognising textures more than flavours as I tried to sort through all of the emotions his memory had brought up. “Please say something.” He asked, his arms tensing around my waist, like he was afraid I would run away... maybe I would, everything felt too painful, too much to cope with.
“I don’t know what to say, but I know we both need to eat.” I replied, spearing another chunk of lasagne and holding it up for him.
“You don’t have to.” He said, his hand wrapped around mine, putting the full fork down onto the plate.
“I don’t think either of us has enough of an appetite to feed ourselves.” I chuckled humourlessly. the truth was, I didn’t think I could force myself to eat another meal with things so fraught between us, and while I had wanted time to work through everything... I hated being away from him. It had felt like my body wasn’t working correctly without him, sleep, food, concentration, all were lost to me without him. Sitting on his lap had been the most peaceful time I had experienced in weeks, more than once I had thought it felt like jetlag, like my body was so attuned to him that without him my circadian rhythms were off. And sat with him, without anything sexual to bring that image of him with Her to my mind, it was as close to normal as I thought I would ever feel again.
“That’s true...” He sighed heavily, neither of us spoke again, I stopped eating after a third of the lasagne was gone, unable to stomach any more, Daniel took half a dozen more silent bites before taking the fork out of my hand. “I’m going to go shower in the guest room-“ He began, pausing when my head shot around, our eyes meeting for the first time since he showed me... “I’ll do anything you want.” He said softly, like I was a wild animal he didn’t want to spook, the silence stretched out between us as I tried to figure out what I wanted. I had assumed Daniel would need help bathing, and it wasn’t like I was going to let anyone else do that, I hadn’t considered he might not want that.
“You need help.” I stated bluntly, blurting it out without thinking.
“Damn it, Charlie!” He yelled, setting me down as he stood, despite how much it hurt him.
“Ethan said no strenuous activity! That includes lifting me, just because you like to act like your invincible doesn’t mean you are!” I cried after him as he began walking away, he turned back to me, enraged.
“I don’t think I’m invincible. I was fully prepared to die on that ship, and I was fine with it because you were SAFE! BUT NO, YOU WENT BARRELLING HEADFIRST INTO DANGER, AGAIN! HOW AM I MEANT TO PROTECT YOU FROM YOURSELF!?” He roared.
“I NEVER ASKED YOU TO PROTECT ME! AND I BARRELLED HEADFIRST INTO DANGER, TO PROTECT YOU! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I HAVE NEVER ASKED YOU NOT TO FIGHT FOR ME, BUT YOU ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME NOT TO FIGHT FOR YOU, AND ITS NOT FAIR!” I screamed back, a little surprised by my own reaction. “Why can’t you understand it’s just as painful for me to see you in danger, for me to see you hurt! For me to just know you are hurt, but I can’t go to you and make sure you’re okay, because you’ve forbidden it.” I snarled, quietly. It was like I saw the moment my words punctured his skin the way his body moved.
“Because you were never supposed to know about any of it.” He replied, just as quietly.
“I don’t understand.” I said simply, as all the anger and pain seemed to drain out of me as his sad realisation appeared to rob him of something.
“When I was an Eta, I went on a training exercise with Alex and some potential Zetas, we went into the national park, as wolves, and lived off of the land, alone, for a week. The hardest part is not becoming human while you’re asleep, not easy, but it can be done. When night fell on day three, we met up, at the rendezvous point... but I noticed something, smelled something on my way to the others. After Alex had finished his inspection of everyone, he came with me to check it out... it was the body of a human girl, she had been taken out of her yard a few weeks earlier, missing ever since, and I found her body.” He whispered, like it was an awful secret he couldn’t stand anyone to know. “Alex ended the exercise early, sent everyone else home, we each had an emergency bag with some clothes and supplies, so he and I shifted and called it in. Hours later, when we returned to the barracks, his mate was waiting there for us... The moment Alex saw her he changed, I swear he ran to her like a pup, picking her up, holding and kissing her. But when he put her down... I heard her ask him if he was alright. She had no idea what happened, she just knew her mate needed her, so she waited for him...” He shrugged. “I... I started having nightmares, seeing the girl’s body over and over, but Alex seemed fine, so I asked him, how? How could he be fine after-? He told me it was because of his mate. He said that we would see horrors, me more than most, and when I found my mate, she would be my only solace, my only reprieve from it all. He told me to make her my safe harbour, my home, that when the world stopped making sense, I would find my purpose in her arms... I know it’s silly, and maybe a little naive... but, I always thought, when I met you, I would be able to keep you protected, keep you safe. I didn’t want you knowing any of the evils of this world.” He explained sadly.
“Daniel, I grew up in a world of dangers and horrors too, you can’t protect me from the world if I’m going to be a part of it. The only way to shield someone from it, is to keep them away from everyone and everything, and I’m not willing to live like that.” I sighed, he nodded once.
“I’m going to go shower.” He stated, once again, and tried to leave.
“Let me help you?” I asked, trying to stop him.
“I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself, so it’s better if I go alone.” He said walking off, leaving me alone in the large kitchen.
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