Chapter 57
Charlie POV
We spent the night in bed, eating Chinese food, talking and making love, I could tell he was disappointed I didn’t want to wear the ring, but he didn’t want to bring it up and fight about it. I kept having a silent argument with myself, part of me wanted to trust him and us and say yes, but another part of me kept playing out the different ways it could go wrong if we moved too fast. We could get complacent and take each other for granted and end up resenting each other, or we could get engaged and then married and what if I couldn’t have kids, or didn’t want them? What if the pack rejected me and he left it all for me and ended up hating me for it? I couldn’t stop the bad scenarios from playing over and over.
“Hey, what’s going on in that head of yours? I can see the thoughts running wild in there, so tell me. What’s wrong?” He suddenly asked, as he kissed my hand and pulled me against him.
“I’m terrified of this going wrong, of you resenting me for having to give up the pack. Or of us rushing into this without knowing if there are deal-breaking issues that will see us both destroyed when we discover them. And I know you’re sure, I wish I could be that sure. But I can’t, my mother was sure, she still is. She doesn’t date because she says she met the love of her life, but he left. Her and me, and never looked back. If he was the love of her life, why wasn’t it enough to keep him from leaving? What if I’m not enough to keep you from leaving?” I whispered, I suddenly felt exposed and naked before him.
“I don’t know what I can say to you to convince you I’m not your father, that I’m in this forever. That there is nothing you can say or do that would ever be a deal breaker for me, but it’s all true. I’ve never been in love before, and we both know I can say unimaginably stupid things, so I might not say this right. Charlie, you are the most incredible woman I have ever met, I love everything about you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Kids, the pack, Appletree, that’s not what is going to make my life worth living, you being in it with me, building a life with me, that’s what I can't live without. And no, I don’t want to wait, but I will, for as long as you need to be ready for this, for us. Okay?” He looked so earnest and honest. It made me want to throw caution to the wind and go all in with him. I kissed his lips and leaned into him.
“I do love you; I have no doubts about that,” I whispered.
“Then, for now, that will be enough.” He whispered back. “Do you want to shower or just go to sleep?” I yawned completely exhausted, it had been a long day and I didn’t have the energy after multiple sex sessions and dealing with Miranda to do anything.
“Sleep, but I need to brush my teeth first.” I got up out of the bed, Daniel moved to follow me. “No, no, I need to do other things too, things you are not watching because it’s not sexy.” I held my hands up in front of him, almost begging him to stay put. He laughed at me and my panicked face and got back into the bed.
“That’s fine, I can wait until you’re done. I have stuff too!” I laughed until I realised, he had broken the door down this morning, and it was still leaning against the wall.
“Umm, is there another bathroom I could use, until you put the door back where it belongs?” I asked picking his shirt up off the floor and slipping it on.
“Yes, I’ll show you where it is. But you have to promise to only wear my shirts when we are alone, or lingerie, because you look gorgeous right now!” He growled, as he got off the bed and threw his briefs on. He attempted to tickle me, as he chased me out of the bedroom, and down the hall to another bathroom while I giggled. He opened the door and turned the light on for me.
“I think I can find my way back to the bedroom, so go do your stuff and I can brush my teeth when I come back.” I gently pushed him away, and he left with a grunt of irritation, leaving me to lock the door and use the bathroom alone. I finished up and headed back to the bedroom, I knocked on the door, so I didn’t interrupt him, he opened it with a smile.
“All done, let’s brush our teeth.” He took my hand and led me into the bathroom, our shared moment of domestic bliss made us both smile again. We both completed our nightly routines and climbed back into bed.
“I have a question or ten before we go to sleep if that’s alright?” I asked quietly.
“You can ask me anything, and I will always try and answer to the best of my ability.” He smiled as he pulled me against his chest, and we settled into the pillows.
“Alright, what’s an Epsilon? And was it Delta? And I still have a lot of questions about redheads.” I said looking at him as I rested my head on his chest.
“Okay, so an Epsilon is like a General, he’s the tactician of our army. The Delta is the lead warrior, first into battle, and the leader of our army. But both have other responsibilities too, that’s just the official role in years gone by. Nowadays it’s more like the Epsilon is the police commissioner or in charge of the safety of the pack. The Delta is in charge of the warriors, but they mostly work as security and police now. We haven’t had a war since my grandfather was Alpha, it killed him and made my father Alpha, he was only twenty at the time. We won the war, and the other pack was nearly destroyed, the warriors and higher ranks were killed, and we took in what was left of the people. The women and children of the Alpha and Beta were allowed to go back to their mother’s birth packs. It’s not ideal but even in a war we have rules, women and children are spared, always.” I didn’t know what to say, I was shocked and confused, and unbelievably sad, for Richard and for the women of that pack.
“That’s terrible, why were you even at war with each other?” I asked, praying it was a good reason, although I couldn’t think of one that would justify what they had done.
“The Alpha of the pack... he wanted to rule over every pack, so he declared war and invaded us first, we were the closest pack to his. He wanted our land and people; my grandfather couldn’t allow that to happen. He was also my mother’s uncle, some of her family weren’t happy when she mated my father. Some of our pack didn’t want her as Luna, however, my father refused to let the past dictate his future. My Uncle Owen was one of the most vocal about their relationship, which could be why he is a part of this coup now.” He whispered as he held me, I felt overwhelming sadness, and the thought that this horrible past could explain why Miranda, was the way she was occurred to me.
“It’s so sad.” I breathed, unsure of what to say.
“I know, my father and the other Alphas held a meeting, the first one of its kind in generations, they made a pact to never allow a war like that one to happen again. There have been quarrels and fights, but no other battles like that in nearly forty years. Not here anyway, we have heard of others in different states and countries, but I would never let anything like that happen again.” He murmured as he stroked my skin. I hummed softly as he lazily drew patterns on my side. “Anything else you wanna know?” He pressed, gently.
“How many ranks are there exactly?” I asked with a yawn.
“Why don’t we table this until tomorrow? You have plenty of time to learn all of this. You will be taught our histories and stories before your Luna ceremony and it’s late, you’re exhausted.” He chuckled to himself.
“I’m not that sleepy!” I argued but I could feel my body sagging, my eyelids struggled to remain open. “I wanna know more, I need to know this stuff!” I mumbled.
“Oh? What stuff do you need to know?” He asked, unable to refrain from laughing at my thirst for knowledge even while I was struggling to stay awake.
“Why is the front door different?” I asked, knowing there was a story there.
“I may have broken it after you left, after Ben, said what he did. I might have lost my temper and shifted, breaking through it.” He half shrugged beneath me, making me chortle at him.
“So, you had a temper tantrum?” I smiled.
“I wouldn’t call it that!” He replied defensively.
“Mmhmm, is breaking doors a habit of yours I’m going to have to break you out of?” I asked with a yawn.
“Shh, we will talk more in the morning, let’s get some sleep.” He grumbled, clearly, I had hit a nerve. I moved my arm around him, almost possessively, as I felt sleep pull me under.
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