BK 2 - Chapter 46 - Overcoming the Past
"What do you mean you caused her death?" Valerie asked gently. Kitty saw nothing that gave her concern in her expression, so she continued.
"On our way home from school, we stopped at a small store. While we were there, I stole some snacks. When we got home, we were eating the food I had taken, and our foster parents saw us. I was able to hide mine, but she didn't hide hers fast enough. They started beating her, not for stealing but because she was eating. If they fed us, it was only one small meal a day. They said all they had to do was put a roof over our heads, not provide us with food. So you see, if I hadn't stolen the snacks and given them to her, she would still be alive." Kitty's tears started falling as she thought about the little blonde-haired girl.
"What was her name?" Valerie asked, and a surprised Kitty looked up at her.
"Why do you want to know her name?"
"You have only referenced her as a small girl, but I know you still know her name. You've held on to this for a long time, letting it eat at you. Say the name of the person who haunts you." Valerie brushed the hair from Kitty's face.
"Her name was Lydia," She said quietly. She almost choked on the name she hadn't spoken in eleven years.
"That's a pretty name. You've held on to this guilt for a long time. It's time to let Lydia rest in peace."
Kitty thought about that. Seeing those men die had started this downward spiral, but she understood it wasn't actually about them. The image of Lydia dying was what had been weighing on her for years. The guilt that it was her fault was one of the reasons she never allowed herself to get close to anyone.
"You're right, Valerie. What happened with Lydia is what changed my life forever. I have guarded myself against having meaningful relationships because I didn't want to mess up and cause anyone else to get hurt. I have been blaming myself for her death since that day." Valerie put her hand on Kitty's shoulder.
"With you being so young when that happened, it's understandable that her death has been living with you all this time. Don't expect to get over it quickly, but I can help if you want me to. The first step is grieving for the loss of your friend. Do you want to start meeting with me so we can begin your healing?"
Kitty sat up in the bed next to Valerie. She was still numb but felt better than when she woke up this morning. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she was ready to begin the process.
"Yes. I'm ready. When can we start?"
"How about we eat breakfast and then freshen up. If you want to come to the house afterward, we can begin." Valerie looked over at Kitty, who was staring out the window.
"Do you think Aiden and Cat are mad I pushed them away?" Kitty asked softly.
"No. They both love you, and all they care about is making sure you're okay. Are you ready to go downstairs for breakfast? It smells like Cat is making french toast and sausage." Valerie asked her with a smile, knowing that her favorite breakfast was being made to help her feel better.
"You go ahead downstairs. I'll be down in a minute. Can you have Aiden come up here?" Kitty stood up and wiped the tears from her face. She wanted to wash her face and get dressed.
"Sure. Take your time." Valerie left and went downstairs. When she was gone, Kitty sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Aiden. It didn't take long before she heard him running up the steps.
"Kitty, are you okay?" Aiden came through the door with wide eyes and approached her with caution. She gave him a weak smile.
"I'm better than I was. I'm sorry I freaked out and scared you. I didn't realize how much of my past I was still carrying around with me when I had tried to forget as much as possible." She looked down with tears in her eyes. This time her tears were from how she had treated Aiden earlier. Kitty stood up and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"You don't need to apologize. I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't want you to ever be afraid to tell me about the things in your past. I know you haven't told me everything, and that's okay, but I want you to tell someone. I don't want you to be terrorized like I saw you today. I was scared that seeing the lions kill Ricky and Vasco had been too much for you. I was afraid that you were going to change your mind and reject me." Aiden hugged Kitty and felt tears in his eyes as he thought about how she was a couple hours ago.
"I love you and will never reject you. Besides, Zola would probably shift and force me to mark you because she isn't planning on going anywhere." They both chuckled when they heard the soft growl. Zola had been quiet while Kitty was having a rough time earlier. She understood that she needed more than she could give her.
"I love you too. Are you ready to eat breakfast? Cat made your favorite." He pulled back a little and looked at her face. She reached up and wiped the tears from his face, and her heart melted seeing how much he cared for her.
"I want to freshen up first, and after breakfast, I'm going to the main house to talk with Valerie. She asked me if I wanted to do some sessions with her to deal with everything past and present. I think it's a good idea so I don't have another episode like I did this morning. What do you think?" Aiden looked thoughtful.
"I agree that's a good idea. Cat told me how Valerie helped her, and I hope she can do the same for you." He took a chance and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Kitty pulled him down further so she could kiss his lips. Aiden held her tighter, and all his worry that she would leave him left.
She took a quick shower and dressed in her typical jeans and t-shirt before they headed downstairs. By the time they got to the kitchen, Valerie and Roger had already returned to their house. Trey and Cat were sitting at the table.
"I have your breakfast ready for you. I made you a fresh batch when I heard you getting out of the shower." Cat smiled as she got up and poured a glass of orange juice. Kitty walked over to her friend and hugged her.
"Thank you. I'm sorry for how I acted earlier."
"I've been there. Believe me, I understand and think working with Valerie will benefit you. Before I started talking with her, I couldn't listen to music, have a normal conversation with many people, or even function some days. Now I'm in a much better place."
Cat led Kitty over to the table to eat before her food got cold. She then went over and sat on Trey's lap. She didn't like to think about how she was before and needed his warmth to comfort her. He happily held her and gave her a light kiss understanding what she wanted.
"Talking with Valerie upstairs made me see that something that happened when I was a child wasn't my fault, even though I've blamed myself for the past eleven years." Everyone looked at her to see if she would say more, but Kitty was unsure about elaborating. When she looked at each of their faces, they all showed concern. She realized they were her family, so she decided to tell them the truth.
Kitty told them what had happened to Lydia. Aiden and Cat cried with her when she talked about it. Trey felt his heart ache for his brother's mate. She and Cat were so much alike that it was uncanny. He was proud of how strong Kitty was at such a young age. She would make a fantastic aunt for their little cub.
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Caleb met with the other inmates preparing for the break out in the next few days. Now that he was involved, he felt there was a chance they would be successful. They reviewed the maps and plans again to ensure everything was in place.
When Caleb was headed back to his cell, he thought about the plan and hoped it would work. The smart thing would be to get out and disappear, but that wasn't what he was going to do. He had some unfinished business to take care of.
Caleb was planning to pay back Trey and Cat for messing up his plans. After he killed Trey, then he would disappear with Cat. In his mind, she still belonged to him, and this time nothing was going to stop him from getting what was his.
He'd heard about Leo making a slip after being escorted to court. Caleb had feard that he was going to get Cat for getting him locked up, but as there was no news of her death, he figured he must have decided it was best to leave her alone for the time being. That was one of the reasons he wanted to get out, so he could get her before Leo did. Cat would be his, and if she didn't do as she was told, he would ensure she was dead this time.
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