Chapter 17 - Monsters from the Past
**(Warning this chapter contains content that may be very sensitive to some readers)**
Cat and Trey stopped at the hotel front desk before walking to the gas station. On the way back, they picked up a pizza for dinner. Trey emailed Roger the number to the burner phone once they returned. After eating, it was getting late, but Cat was still determined to tell him everything about her past. He would be the first one she'd ever told all those horrors to.
"Are you sure you're ready to do this now? It's been a long day, and you're already on an emotional rollercoaster. I don't want this to push you over the edge." Trey held her in his arms next to the bed.
"Yes, that's why I need to do it today. It's time for the rollercoaster to come to a stop. No one else knows what I'm about to tell you. Everyone knows about Leo, but not all the others. Are you ready to hear this? I don't want it to change how you feel about me." Cat looked up into his eyes with fear. Now that she had him, she didn't want to lose him.
"That will never happen. I know it will be hard for you to talk about, and it's going to be hard for me to hear. I want you to know that I'll never let any of those terrors hurt you again." Trey wanted to tell her he loved her but didn't want to push it. He was also scared that she wouldn't say it back.
"I just ask one thing. Can you hold me while I'm talking? You make me feel safe, and I need that more than anything right now." Cat wrapped her arms around him and heard Atlas purring.
"Yes, I wouldn't have it any other way."
Trey set the pillows on the bed so he could lean against them. Once settled, he had Cat sit on his lap with her head on his shoulder. He pulled the sheet up and wrapped his arms around her. Trey wanted to make Cat feel as protected as possible because he knew this would be difficult for her. She took a deep breath and started from the beginning.
Her mother, Emma, had her when she was eighteen. Cat didn't remember much about her time with her mom but told him what she could. She felt many emotions going through her as she talked about her early years with her mom. She was so happy back then. It was the last time she could remember being happy.
Leo was there occasionally. Once Emma was diagnosed with cancer, he began coming around a lot more. He bought Cat presents, mostly pretty dresses that her mom couldn't afford. She hadn't realized that she would eventfully pay the price for his gifts. She learned at an early age that nothing was free. She pressed closer to Trey as she prepared to tell him where everything started going from bad to worse.
Leo began abusing her on her sixth birthday. Cat started shaking as she talked about her mom dying soon after her birthday and how Leo said she would be living with him. She cried as she relived each terror, describing the details of Leo's abuse. She could feel the pain he caused her and the pain when he allowed his friends to do the same horrible things to her.
Cat, would never forget the faces of the men who came over multiple times. She snuggled into Trey further when she thought of those men hoping the warmth of his arms would ease some of her pain.
Leo would hit her with a belt or hold her underwater when he said she wasn't doing things to his or his friend's satisfaction. The water was the worst for her because he would keep her there until she thought she was going to die.
She felt Trey's body stiffen against her. Cat was sure he was repulsed, and she was preparing herself for when he would tell her she needed to leave. However, she calmed down when she looked into his eyes. She could see anger at those who'd hurt her. Trey kissed her forehead and began stroking her hair as she continued.
Trey had never been so enraged in his life. When he thought about all those men abusing a small child, it made him want to let Atlas loose on every one of them. To think that his sweet Cat endured so much pain but could still let him hold her and kiss her was astounding. He vowed that anyone that made her shed one tear from this point on would be dead.
She described the pictures Leo took of her on a digital camera. He had threatened to share the pictures with others if she told anyone at school about what was happening at home. He knew exactly what to say to make Cat feel as though it was her fault he hurt her.
Trey held her tightly, listening while she talked. Sometimes, she felt like she was rambling, but he didn't stop her. Cat began to relax as she continued. She wrapped her arm around his back, getting as close to him as possible.
She was getting to the part about how she escaped from Leo. When she got her first menstrual cycle at twelve, the molestation stopped, but the physical and emotional abuse continued.
Leo always told her how ugly she was and how he should kill her so no one would have to look at her. Cat could feel those same feelings of worthlessness wash over her. She was so down on herself back then that she would spend every night crying, wishing she could die, so she wouldn't have to live in that hell any longer.
One day when Cat came home from school, she heard Leo talking on the phone, trying to trade her for a younger girl. That's when something inside her snapped. She couldn't let Leo hurt another child.
While Leo was still on the phone, she grabbed his digital camera and ran to the police station to show them the pictures he had taken of her. She always knew what he was doing was wrong, but she didn't think she'd ever be able to turn him in. Hearing him talk about another girl gave her the courage she needed.
Cat talked to Detective Cummings and used the pictures on Leo's camera to prove what he was doing. She didn't tell Detective Cummings why she ran when she did or that he had shared her with some of his friends. At the time, she thought they would be repulsed by her letting them do those things to her.
Cat was sent to a group home after being examined at the hospital. She didn't mind the group home. Only girls lived there, and they all kept to themselves.
She looked up into Trey's face before continuing. He had been holding her, kissing her forehead, and stroking her hair. Seeing the emotions in his eyes when he was so close to her took her breath away.
Trey leaned down to kiss her softly, giving her the strength to continue. Now that her wall had crumbled to the ground, she felt herself healing and looking forward to the future.
Cat testified against Leo at his trial. She still remembered the fear she felt when he was sentenced to twelve years in prison, and he jumped up, screaming at her that he would make her pay for ruining his life.
She felt the anxiety building again as she moved on to the next stage of her life. After being in the group home for three years, she was sent to live with foster parents. She had been scared from the first moment she saw them. Cat could see in their eyes they were evil, but no one would listen to her when she begged them to let her stay at the group home.
Her worst nightmare was realized after living with them for a few weeks. They came into her room with a camcorder and repeatedly raped her. She had decided she wasn't going to be a victim again, so she fought. Cat hit and kicked with everything she had.
They beat her until she was unconscious. When she woke up, she was in the hospital. Cat had the hospital staff call Detective Cummings so she could tell her what happened. The foster parents were arrested. With the evidence they found in their house, she didn't have to go to trial because they decided to make a deal.
Cat returned to the group home after being released from the hospital. She had a concussion, three broken ribs, and a broken arm from the beating they gave her. She was just glad to be out of their home.
After that ordeal, she was in a worse mental state than before. Cat couldn't even look at herself in the mirror because she hated what she saw there. She thought something evil in her drew these horrible people to her.
Some therapists came to the group home, but she refused to talk to them. Cat didn't believe they could ever understand what she'd been through. She had retreated even further into herself, where there was nothing but hopelessness, despair, and darkness.
The only thing that kept her going was wanting to leave Indiana. She knew in order to do that, she had to do well in school. When she graduated high school, she was offered an academic scholarship to a college in Sacramento. Cat drove out to California and never looked back.
Trey was rocking and holding her tightly while she clung to his arm. Her head was hurting, and she felt sick, living through everything again. He kissed her forehead, but Cat wanted more, so she raised her lips to his feeling his surprise. She needed to feel how much he cared for her so she could go on.
The worst was over, but she wanted to tell him everything that led to where she was. He moved his mouth over hers gently, and she opened her lips. Cat felt his tongue move inside her mouth, and she eagerly met it with her own.
The heat flooded her body, and the sparks flew around them. Cat was almost ready to forget the rest of her story and just drown in Treys' kiss, but she stopped herself. She reluctantly pulled away, and Trey rested his forehead against hers.
"Where did that come from?"
"I want to finish, but I needed your kiss to help me. I was just about ready to say screw it, just kiss me the rest of the night, but I want to get this over with." Trey was smiling down at her, his hazel eyes twinkling.
"I would have been happy to lay here kissing you all night or morning, actually, but this seems to be helping you." He kissed her forehead and laid his cheek against her head. She hugged him as she continued.
Cat felt like she had finally broken free from the chains of her past when she moved to California. She had no friends because she didn't trust anyone, but she was free.
"I knew I was suffering from depression, but I didn't want to admit it. A few times, I contemplated suicide. I figured no one would miss me, so no one would care. What stopped me was that if I killed myself, that meant everyone who had hurt me would win, and I couldn't allow that. My life still had no meaning. It was just days going by into nothingness. The nightmares and memories are the only things left from my old life. Most of my nightmares are of Leo holding me underwater. I can still feel the burning in my lungs from being unable to breathe. I spent most of my days in my apartment crying for the life I never thought I could have because I was too broken." Cat looked up at Trey.
"Then I met you, and you turned my life upside down, making me face all my worst fears. You made me have feelings I never thought possible in the two days I've known you. You have to understand that I blamed myself all those years. I never thought I deserved happiness, and I was resigned to the fact that I would always be alone because I couldn't allow anyone to get close to me. Even innocent touches felt like someone stuck a branding iron on me, and I would recoil in pain. That was when the panic would take over. Do you know how much it means to me to be able to sit like this with you and not be terrified? The warmth of your arms and the sound of Atlas purring has been my saving grace." She took a deep breath before asking the question she was scared to ask.
"Now that I'm done, are you ready to run away yet?" Cat bit her lip as she waited.
"I'm so sorry for what you went through. I'm not going anywhere. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to erase the pain of your past. You'll have so many happy memories from this point forward that they'll begin to overshadow the bad ones. If another person hurts you, I will kill them or let Atlas eat them."
Trey leaned down and kissed Cat's lips. It was a sweet, tender kiss that made her warm from the inside out. It was a kiss of hope, happiness, and a promise of the good yet to come.
