Chapter 39 - Dinner Breakdown
Cat and Trey spent the entire day with Valerie, and Cat admitted that she enjoyed herself. She asked Valerie many questions about her work and what she had seen happen to the children she helped. She wasn't ready to tell her about the group home because she would have to tell her why it was important to her. Cat wasn't ready to open herself up like that yet.
Trey was in the kitchen watching the two women prepare dinner. He was glad that they had this time to bond. He wanted Cat to get comfortable with more people, and Valerie was a good start.
Roger came home and found them all in the kitchen. He walked over to Valerie and kissed her after greeting Trey and Cat.
"What smells so good in here? It looks like I'm late for the party." Roger smiled at them all as he took a seat next to Trey. Cat was getting relaxed with Valerie, but she still didn't know Roger well. She remained quiet while the rest of them talked.
She and Valerie had made a roast with potatoes and carrots. Dinner was just about ready to be served, and Cat was finishing the final touches on the blackberry cheesecake. She was placing fresh blackberries on the top when she noticed everyone watching her. Cat felt her cheeks get warm under their gazes.
"That looks delicious," Valerie said as she walked to her side. She had enjoyed spending the day with the young couple. She could tell that Cat was doing her best to make everyone think she was okay. However, she knew it was only a matter of time before it all became too much for her to hold in.
"Thank you." Cat smiled at her shyly.
"Well, I'm going to put some music on. I hope you kids don't mind." Roger went to an old surround sound system and turned on the radio. It was playing classic eighties and nineties music.
Valerie put Roger and Trey to work setting the table while she and Cat carried the food. Roger offered everyone wine, but Cat and Trey declined and drank iced tea. Everyone was enjoying their meal, and Cat was listening to Roger and Trey talk about work when suddenly she froze mid-bite.
Trey noticed something was wrong first, followed by Valerie and Roger. Cat had tears streaming down her face, and her fork fell to the table. She stood up and ran out of the room. Trey was getting ready to follow her when Valerie stopped him.
"Let me talk to her." He didn't want to listen to her, but he decided it wouldn't hurt, so he sat back down.
"Okay, but if she doesn't calm down, let me know so I can help her." She smiled at him and looked over at Roger. He knew she wanted him to make sure Trey stayed there to give her time with Cat.
Valerie walked the way she saw Cat run. She found her outside, sitting on the deck steps with her knees pulled up to her chest, rocking back and forth while she sobbed. Valerie felt like crying seeing her in that state.
"Can I sit with you?" Cat looked up at her, startled. She was expecting Trey to follow her out, not Valerie. She was disappointed, but she nodded.
Valerie sat down on the steps close to Cat but didn't touch her. She saw the despair and hurt on her face and wondered what had triggered it. She thought about their conversation, but nothing there seemed significant.
"How long does it take for people to be normal after they're removed from bad situations?" Cat's voice was weak, and she sounded scared. Her question surprised Valerie.
"Normal's not the same for everyone. My normal is not the same as your normal. What makes you think that you're not normal?" She could tell Cat had something on her mind and hoped she could help her with it.
"My uncle hurt me a long time ago. It started right after my mom died. I don't think I've been normal since then. We can go back inside." Cat started to stand up, but Valerie stopped her.
"Sit with me for a little while to talk. I know something happened inside that caused you to get upset. Would you like to tell me what it was?" Cat slowly sat back down. She didn't look at her; instead, she looked toward the swimming pool.
Could she talk to Valerie and tell her some of her past? No one knew everything except Trey, but Valerie was a therapist that was used to working with abused children. She felt tears welling up again. She continued looking at the pool as she started talking.
"The song that was on the radio. The Rose by Bette Midler. When I heard that song, it took me back to before all the bad things happened. That was the last time I felt normal. My mom used to sing that song to me every night when we went to bed." Cat started crying again as she thought about her mother.
Valerie let Cat cry as she sat with her. She had seen this coming and knew she needed to go at her own pace. She would stay with her as long as she needed in order to help her heal.
"When my mom died, I thought my life had ended with hers. I was alive but not living until I met Trey. He knows everything that happened to me, and I try so hard to put the bad things behind me, but something always makes them come to the surface. Why can't I move on? I want to be everything Trey deserves, but while the chains of my past hold me, I'm still a slave to my abusers." Cat's tears were drying, but she felt raw.
"I don't know what happened to you, but you can't ignore it and expect it to go away. You won't be able to move forward with your future until you've dealt with the pain from the past. I don't want you to only focus on the hurt. You need to remember the good times with your mother too. I know the memory of your mother is painful, but try to remember those good times before she died. Think about how you felt when she hugged you and tucked you in at night. You can have those good feelings back. I can help you if you let me." Valerie spoke softly.
Cat thought about what Valerie had said. Was she ready to face the past in order to have a future? She had thought she could move on if she left the past in the past. Cat tried to think of her mother as little as possible because it was too heartbreaking.
When she thought of the good times with her, it made Cat think of all the things they never got to do together. She looked at Valerie, sitting beside her. Maybe she would give it a try and talk to her.
"Alright. If you're willing to help me, I'll take you up on your offer. How soon can we start?" Cat smiled at her and already felt better, knowing she would help.
"How about we start tomorrow? I only work when I get called in on a case, so I'm home most of the time. You can come after breakfast if you'd like." Valerie smiled at Cat. She was glad she was going to let her help her through this. She knew it would be a long journey and an emotional rollercoaster for Cat, but she was strong and would get through it.
"Thank you." They both stood up and started walking back inside. Cat stopped before they reached the door and turned to Valerie.
"Can I ask you something?" She was a little nervous, but she wanted to try something.
"Of course."
"No one has hugged or touched me in a nice way except for Trey since I was six. Can I try to hug you now? I know it may sound strange, but I feel like I need to." Cat was scared, but for some reason, she had an overwhelming need for this right now.
"Yes." Valerie held back her tears when she heard Cat's small voice asking for a hug. She had seen it many times, and it never got easier seeing someone go without affection their whole life. She now understood more about Cat, even without knowing her entire story.
Cat slowly walked the few steps over to Valerie. She was nervous as she raised her arms and wrapped them tentatively around her.
Valerie stood still until she felt Cat hug her tighter, and she heard her begin to cry. She then put her arms lightly around Cat and stroked her hair. Valerie's heart pinched for the young woman who was so broken but had more strength than an army of men.
