Camilla's POV continues
Adrian.
Our love wasn't easy to begin with, it wasn't for the Camilla I was trying to be, it was for the Camilla I had buried along with Talitha, she was built for it and I wasn't. I simply wasn't in the position to love that man and now I see it. Our love was filled with malice and pain, pain that could be kissed away with his sweet lips but it would resurface stronger, and unbearable the second his lips left mine.
Adrian hurt me, he cut me open but he would lick the wounds better every time, until now. I don't think we can go back from here, I don't want to go back. It took some time but I finally understand our love isn't one to mend you, it's one to break you into a thousand pieces and have the other person put back the pieces, but you're never put together correctly because the pieces are more shattered than last time it's hard to know where they belong, so when fixing each other, you place them where you think they fit and it leaves just enough damage to break into more pieces the next time, and the time after that, until you're broken to specs-
Barely visible and unfixable, that's the point we're at now. Both of us are broken beyond repair, we've been broken since before each other but I thought I could mend us, fix us when we saw each other but no.
Adrian has broken us into pieces so tiny, I can't recollect them, I don't even want to recollect them, we have gone back and forth one too many times and I've had it. Maybe this is what happens when you love someone this much. I have loved him since the first day and it's gotten me nowhere. It's given me a glimpse of happiness that is always ripped away by a tornado of pain. Love, it wasn't in it for us, the stars never shined for us so we broke, and now, our love is gone.
I feel empty, wrecked with a heavy heart, a heart that isn't beating at all, my heart beat for Adrian but he broke it, broke me, broke us. I can't go back now, not to him. Adrian and I ended three days ago, we ended when he didn't come after me, but his sister did. She's the one I should have given all that love I gave to him but I didn't, now I'm numb.
The demon I kept hidden for so long has resurfaced and part of me can't help but think maybe this is who Adrian needed, an Alpha female and not a submissive twerp I was. Nonetheless, he can't have this version of me or the old one, they're both dead and wounded by him, Adrian Zeus Carter is dead to me. I won't think of him, speak of him or go anywhere near him. I fucking hate him for doing this to me, to his sister, I hate him.
“You know,” a voice cuts through my thoughts. I give myself a mental slap, blinking to see who I'm talking to. I
Beta, his hands are folded across his chest in a way that flexes his muscles. My mouth runs dry, of course I've seen biceps before but these are huge, he makes them work. I can't deny he is the best eye candy Takishini has to offer, he not only surpassed the late Alpha Hayden, may his soul rot in hell in both courage and looks.
“It's very rude to stare but I suppose you're above manners because it's also rude to murder your host.” he adds, his eyes searching mine. He feels it too, the strange pull between us.
Rolling my eyes I snort, “Oh please, you're not exactly a sight for sore eyes Beta.”
“Your eyes are beyond sore.” he counters, earning himself a wide eye, jaw dropped reaction.
“Typical smart ass,” I groan, my gaze veering over his shoulder to Mirabelle. It's hard to see her over his shoulder considering how talkative he is but soon enough, he realises he is blocking my view and moves.
Mirabelle is gaping at me too, it makes me uncomfortable.
“Wave to her,” Beta lets out confidently.
I raise my hand, unsure of why I am taking his advice. My fingers flicker in a wave motion at her, it earns me a smile from her. The very bright smile I think of when I imagine her, I love it. Her hand raises hesitantly, ignoring the little girl gaping at her toe nails and she waves, she waves back to me and it feels nice.
I wish it felt great but it's just nice, a tingling sensation type of nice and that's enough for me, I don't want to feel too good, I can only get that high I used to get from Adrian by spilling more blood and I shouldn't, I won't. I know once my wolf gets started, she doesn't ever stop, she likes blood. She lives on malice and cruelty. I don't think she understands the inner workings of this game we're playing. She's eager to win but she'll win using the erroneous strategy.
“She doesn't hate you, see.”
I switch my gaze from Belle to Beta, cocking an eyebrow at him. There's also this invisible red do not push button on him that only I can see and I will continue to push until we part. “I've been watching you, I don't know why but I have and I noticed you're blaming yourself for everything. You're not to blame for anything, good people make bad decisions sometimes and your friend seems to love you a lot, nothing can make her hate you. She's a little shaken up and out of it but she gave you a smile, unsure of what to do but she knows she wants to make you happy.” Beta says, turning around to look at Mirabelle.
“What are you, the expert on blame?” I snort, ignoring all sense he just laid on me but appreciating it silently, from the bottom of my heart.
Beta chuckles, it sounds like music, something cheerful but there's a pain to it, a pain masked so deep in a place I don't want to unravel. “You can say that, and you, what's your story? You go around killing Alpha's a lot?” he teases, making me roll my eyes in annoyance.
“I wish I could kill you,” my wolf whispers. My hands come to my head, lightly smacking it before watching Beta.
“Your Alpha was an asshole, he deserved every bit of what I did to him.” I tell him, my feet finding their way out of this comfortable yet apprehensive conversation we've gotten ourselves into.
Once I reach Mirabelle I halt, squatting down next to her. She doesn't say a word, she simply offers me a smile and drifts her gaze back to the water. I too follow her gaze, meeting my reflection in the water. “Fuck,” I whisper to myself, discerning my current state. I knew I was covered in crimson but this, I didn't expect to see this when I looked at myself.
So this is what everyone is seeing? No wonder they all appear so terrified of me.
“Cami, are you okay?” Mirabelle asks, I can feel her gaze on me before I turn.
I nod, my gaze abandoning my reflection, and shifting to her.“I'm covered in blood.”
Veering back to the river, my hands reach into it, securing some water in them to wash my face. I know nobody drinks from this river, it's used for bathing purposes and so, I wash my face with it, crimson dripping from my face when I do. It takes a minute but soon enough, I'm done washing my face and Mirabelle seems to like the change. I slant my head, gazing at my reflection and the glow it had after the killing spree I just had. I like it, but then, something catches my eye, right on my neck.
Adrian's mark.
I hate it, I want it gone. I begin to aggressively wash the spot, hoping the mark fades away.
“Camilla,” Belle howls hysterically. “Stop, you're going to hurt you!” she screams.
I ignore her thoughtful tone, spitting on my tongue and smearing the saliva on my mark. I rub hard, rubbing it until a sting is felt, making me halt my preposterous rite. “There, it's fucking gone.” I whisper hurriedly, my gaze settling on a perplexed Mirabelle.
Only now do I realize everyone is watching me, I've done more than caught their attention in the past three hours. I hate how I have always been presumed to be the weakest in the room when I was in fact the strongest, the evil they all needed to watch out for the second it came to life. I tried extremely hard to keep it that way, the weakest in the room but where did that get me?
Taunted, used and emotionally abused?
Fuck, that was a goddamn rollercoaster I put up with but not anymore, I've had a taste of freedom. A taste of power, and my God it tasted like heaven, or was utter bliss and I'm not going back to the old me again. I don't know what I was thinking but this version of me is better, it's the real me, descended and headed to hell.
“How is –”
I shake my head, unwilling to start explaining myself and how I managed to rid myself of Adrian's mark. Marks can't be erased, I simply concealed it, buried it deep where it should have never gotten. Even if I try hard, I can not erase Adrian's mark. Some mates mark you sweetly, easy and soft but when he marked me, he meant it. Adrian was trying to prove a point and he fucking succeeded, his runs deep within my skin, it's venom flowing in my veins. I can feel it threaten to reveal itself at the thought of him, my wolf isn't mad at me for it. She's not a fan of Adrian, I've heard her tell me on nights I couldn't sleep, I just presumed it was the voice in my head but it was her, I know that now and what a relief to know I'm not mentally deranged.
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