Camilla's POV
Alphas Hated Mate
Camilla's POV
Last night I couldn't fall asleep, I found myself in the kitchen with Arielle. I knew pregnancy made women crazy somehow but seeing Arielle in the kitchen at two in the morning with a carrot stick and peanut butter jar on the other hand had me reconsidering ever wanting kids.
Not that I'm ever going to have any, my mate didn't desire to have anything beyond foreplay with me so why would anyone else be interested with what's under my skirt?
I mean, I am not one-hundred percent shifter so I am not bound to Adrian as an option for reproduction. I can easily give love a try with someone else, get married one day, give him babies but I don't want to. I don't want anyone else, I want Adrian. I'm a fool to want him but I can't bring myself to love anyone else. I've dated before him but I've never felt like this with anyone but him.
Every time I see him, my heart is racing, not a mile but a million miles. Adrian awakens something in me, something that has me suffocating when he's not with me but I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, boys I've liked gave me butterflies, cute little butterflies but with Adrian, I don't know I get but it stings.
Maybe it's bees but sometimes the sting is good and sometimes it hurts, the pain excruciating but with just one look, he makes everything okay.
God, I'm insufferable.
One week without him and I'm already seemingly dead. I miss everything about him, his laugh, the untamable mane on his head, his eyes, the way he stares at me in awe when I'm doing something, the way his hands feel on me and inside me..
Okay I miss the last one most.
I've had boys finger me under the table, as a bet or willingly, they did it and I let them. I was infatuated with him but now that I think of it, they've never made me cum, only one came close but Michael caught us and that was the last I've ever seen from him.
Thankfully that has stayed between us, and now I want Adrian between my legs every night.
Ryan didn't tell Arielle I came back because I tried to take my life, he just said I was here to visit for awhile and sent me to therapy with Mina. Arielle walked in on me asking Ryan if I can go see my friends but he denied me and I quote said "I am not letting you anywhere near the fucker you almost ended your life for." Arielle heard it and she broke down, asking why I did that and why we didn't tell her anything.
Her distaste for Michelle has grown more since then. I tried to defend Michelle and Adrian because it wasn't their fault but she wouldn't hear it. That was three days ago and today, I'm sitting in front of my disciplinary committee. Arielle, Amina, Vanessa and Ashanti.
Arielle and Mina have their legs spread into Nessa and Ashanti's lap, obtaining foot massages. This seems to work for their friendship, two demanding pregnant women and two other patient women.
Altogether I see four women who would give their lives for each other. Each of them is glowing and looking so good, even the whiny pregnant two look better than me. I haven't combed it in two days, it needs professional straightening.
“Nope, no. Simply hell no, honey no man, I repeat no man is worth taking your life for, your life is priceless and top priority.” Ashanti says, her hands toiling their magic on Arielle's feet who nods to her best friend’s statement.
My intention was never to take my life, I just wanted to feel something, anything that wasn't anger and undesirable. I don't blame Adrian for anything, I did that to me, I am responsible for what happened in that bathroom. I got lost in the desire to feel and almost bleed out to death. Maybe this is what Adrian feels like when he's torturing people, no.
I know the feeling he gets, the thirst for blood. I used to get it, once you start, there's no going back and clearly he has gone past that point. I'm mad at Michelle for telling them about Talitha, now they think I'm some mentally ill psychopath but I can only thank God only Tee and I know worse horrifying elements of things I did with Talitha.
Ashanti is still ranting and I'm nodding my head in agreement, not a single word leaves my lips as I listen to her explain to me just how valuable my life is and what would have happened if I died, one of those things starting with the death of my mate and ending with the death of his Alpha by Ryan's hands but they don't know one thing, My mate is the Alpha.
I snorted back a laugh at the realisation that I got exactly the type of mate I wanted, he was soft with me but the rest got his hardness. The only flaw in him is he didn't put his hardness in me like I desired, he put it elsewhere.
“No matter how good the fuck is, don’t do it.” Vanessa mummers.
My eyes widen as I look at her, oh bless her soul for assuming he let his cock anywhere near the entrance to hell between my legs.
I purse my lips and sigh, “I didn’t try to kill myself for him. I would give my life for him not take it, I know I haven't been with him this long but he makes my existence ten times more delightful. If I was happy before then he quadrupled that joy, I don't understand how one person can walk into your life and suddenly you can't live without them. The way I feel about him isn't something I'm used to, I've felt it from day one and it scares me, but it also gives me goosebumps and fury fluttering in my belly.
I wouldn't want it any other way and I should right? I mean he didn't show interest in me before but when he did, I came alive. Not that I felt dead which I most times did but...it's just so hard to explain. If he wanted to tear me apart limb for limb I would let him because he'd make it feel good, he always does.
Every pain I've felt with him is bittersweet and I relish in the sweet part so much that I don't reckon the bitterness. I love gazing at him no matter what he is doing, be it sleeping or ordering people around. I love it and if I died, I wouldn't be able to see him or worse touch him. I wouldn't risk my life for him and he'd never want me to. I just wanted to feel something but I was numb so I kept trying, lost myself in a frenzing of maniacal giggles and crimson but he didn't push me to do it. I knew he was cheating but seeing him do it hit me hard, it hurt and I hated the way it hurt. Every ounce of pain I've endured in my life seemed like nothing in comparison to what I felt that day. It was jealousy, love, desperation, disappointment, envy, it was too many emotions balled into one ball that hit me, knocking me off my feet and-” I pause, catching my breath as I look around the room, they're gaping at me.
“What?” I frown.
“You just said like a thousand words without stammering, how did that happen?” Ashanti asks.
Adrian that's how. He knew I had no speech problems and he came up with this thing where he spanked me every time I stuttered falsely but I was enjoying it so he threatened to start killing every male that looked at me and yes no one was exempted, not even Santiago so I stopped stammering. But of course I don't tell them that, I simply smile and say, “It just happened.”
“I am starving, let's eat.” Vanessa grumbles.
Arielle seconds her and eventually, we end up at a nearby taco restaurant.
The service is great, our tacos arrived shortly after we ordered. The first half of the conversation as we eat is solely baby talk, Ashanti's mate has been begging her for a baby but she fears babies so there's little hope there and Arielle and Tamina aren't giving her the joyful side of pregnancy, all they do is complain eat and cry in Mina's case but in Arielle's case, she just wants to be with Ryan all the time.
As I eat, I stay out of their baby talk but I want babies too as scared and unmotivated as I am seeing Arielle and Tamina with their weird pregnancy cravings and moods.
Another reason why I stay quiet is because babies go in the same way they come out and also because the man I'd give babies to doesn't even try to put the tip in.
When Michael met Valerie, they were young like fifteen or so and I caught him pleading to put just the tip on one or more occasions. I didn't know what it was but now I do and sure it would be nice if Adrian asked to put just the tip in.
Oh lord, Adrian.
Why did you have to make him so perfect and attractive? Everyone finds him striking but I don't know if people perceive him like I do, when I look at him I see utter perfection, crafted by God's hands in a course of more days than the rest of us were moulded, he took his time perfecting the man. Yes Man, that's what Adrian is.
His age mates are boys but he is a man. The only thing he can't seem to discipline is his cock, and that fraction bothers me.
At least he uses condoms but still, he's had his dick in women that would sum up to the population of a country. Women can't resist him and I see precisely why, the things I've yearned to do with him and to him presumably have me on the top ten list of seventeen year olds going to hell.
I think back to Adrian's bare chest, a smile pulling across my lips as I envision him. God his body was meant for sin and if it's my ticket to hell, so be it. I will go to hell on my knees if required but lord if Adrian could just-
“Camilla!”
Shit.
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