Camilla's POV
Alpha's Hated Mate
Camilla's POV
I've cried so many times that I've lost count of the amount of tissues I've wasted. I blame Adrian for this, for this and every other bad thing he's done but I never wanted to hold him responsible for.
I'm no longer making excuses for him, all that has happened to me up until this point is his fault, he did this to me, if he didn't cheat on me or better yet, if he loved me half as much as I do him, I believe we would have made it work. We would be so happy together, and we'd have our baby but no, I never was good enough to love in the long run, I was simply a moment, one that wasn't good enough to be with either.
But why, why didn't he love me? I hoped he at least had some faith in my humanity but no, he couldn't give me that either. I hate him, I hate myself and I hate the memories we created, nothing good ever lasted from our relationship. He accused me of killing his child, something I didn't do but he believed so, and then, I finally did it.
However, this time, that wasn't only his baby, it was a part of me, it was my baby too.
I had to kill my baby because I was appalled, because of him, the very same man I dreamed of giving a lot of babies to someday is the reason I killed my child. But it was the right thing to do, probably the first decision I've made without consequences.
Looking at my tear stained cheeks in the mirror, I can't help but think just how much I've cried. I've been finding the tiniest excuse to cry over my misfortunes lately and once I start, there's no stopping.
Wiping my face free of tears, I feel something shift in my stomach, it's subtle but I feel it, this isn't the first time I've felt it. I wonder if the feel of a stomach bug is similar to that of a...
My thoughts halt, panic setting in as I shoot off my dresser, my feet running to the bigger mirror by my wardrobe. My hands grip the hem of my shirt, pulling it up instantly to reveal my exposed chest.
Studying myself, note two important things, one, my tits are not only firmer but bigger, not to mention sensitive when I run a hand over my left one, and two, I'm bloated.
I barely ate yesterday, and my lunch stared at me from the corner of the room where I trashed it. It made me nauseous. It was pasta, creamed pasta, I love pasta, it's my favorite but lately I've been averting it. For the past two months I haven't put a single spoonful of creamed pasta without emptying my stomach.
I frown, this can't be right, my chin drops, safeguarding the t-shirt while I examine the bloat in my stomach with my hands, the feel is familiar. My eyes widen, I've felt this much with Arielle and Tamina, it freaks me out, the shirt dropping into place as I search my bed for my phone.
“Where is it, where is it?” I ask myself, searching for my phone like a mad woman. The last time I had it, I was talking to Tee, something about her and Hades that I still can't comprehend.
Alas, I find my phone, buried between the two sofa pillows. I quickly open my browser, straight to google. The five seconds it takes to load my search results are enough to make me more anxious.
Opening another tab, I google pregnancy symptoms, with the first one on post abortion signs and symptoms.
I nearly crack my brain open comparing the two, seeing what I have and don't have. My mind runs back to Maya and the way she was adamant on me keeping the baby. I gulp, my phone dropping to the floor as I race out of my room, looking for Maya. It's a weekend, she has weekends off, she must be around here somewhere, I'm going to find her, and when I do, I'm going to kill her. I will strangle the life out of her if my apprehensions are right.
The first place I look for her is where I find her, coming out of her friend's room, her body staggering back when she sees me. We haven't spoken since the incident, nearly three weeks ago. “Maya,” I say, trying to stabilize my breathing.
“Al.. Apha,” she stutters. “How may… I mean, how can I help you?”
“Do you have a hearing problem?” I ask her, my feet striding closer towards her. In response, she shakes her head, the lack of speech suddenly pissing me off even more. “Answer me,” I add slowly.
“No.” she gulps.
“Oh,” I nod, pausing two inches away from her. “So then, I suppose it's your job that you don't know how to do?”
She shakes her head once again, working my last nerve successfully to the point my hand flies to her neck, the grip of it instantly tight. “You broke the most important rule of this pack, you disobeyed me. Why is that?” I ask, watching her eyes grow wider, her hands motioning surrender. “I told you to get rid of it, so why didn't you do as I asked of you? You think you know better than me, so much so that you are now making life changing decisions for me, not so?”
“No,” she lets out, “No Alpha.” she manages to say, her speech barely clear because of my hand against her throat.
“No?” I slant my head, “So then what?”
Maya whispers something I can't quite hear, her eyes turning red from the lack of air. I loosen my grip, nodding for her to repeat herself, to give me just one reason why I shouldn't kill her.
“It was Beta, she ordered me not to do it, I didn't want to disobey you, I'm sorry Alpha.” she cries.
Goddamn, fucking Mirabelle!
My hand drops from Maya's throat, hers instantly caressing her neck as she gasps for adequate air. I walk past her, proceeding in the direction of Mirabelle's room.
I can't believe her, she had no right to alter my decision, I made my decision, she should have respected it and butted the fuck out of it because it was mine to make.
I didn't need anyone's opinion on it because I knew what I wanted but Mirabelle seemed to think otherwise of my decision making abilities.
Mirabelle's bedroom door is open when I enter, she's standing in the middle of the room, her attention solely focused on her phone with a smile. Gazing up from her phone she grins, “Cami, I was just about to come and see you.” she tells me, pocketing her phone instantly. I scowl at her phone but that's an issue for later. “What's wrong?” she adds.
“What's wrong? I too want to know what's wrong with you.”
“Me?” she frowns, gesturing at herself.
I hate this, she's the person I trust the most around here and she's lying to my face, acting like she doesn't know what she did.
I scoff, “Oh please didn't you think that I would notice? I'm not a fucking idiot Belle, I know what my body feels like when there's something foreign in it.”
Her jaw drops, “Umm, I just..” she trails.
“You just what, just didn't respect my decision?” I ask, the lump in my throat growing again. “You're supposed to be my best friend, Belle I fucking trust you with my life, and this is what you do to me? Fucking plot against me.”
“Plot against you?” she snorts, “Cami, your life was at risk, I didn't want you to bleed to death or die getting the abortion.”
“I wanted it done, you shouldn't have made decisions behind my back.” I counter.
Mirabelle raises her hands in defeat, “No, Camilla, I did what I thought was best for you.”
I shake my head, “No, you just want me to have, to ruin my life. Fine, you fucking win, I'll have this baby.”
“What?” she furrows.
“Yes,” I nod, my hand wiping the tear I didn't see fall. “Wasn't that the plan? I'll realize when it's too late and I'll have the baby and play perfect mommy to it right? Well, no, I'm still going to kill it. You should have let me do it when I wanted, now I will have to kill this baby with my own hands.”
“Camilla!” she gasps.
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