Camilla's POV continues

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Bang! Bang!

I choke on my drool as I rise from my bed, rubbing my eyes to the beat of someone banging on my door. I stretch my arms and legs before stepping out of bed, reaching for the door. I twist the key and pull the handle.

I expected to see Santiago but it’s Martin, how he found my room I have no idea.

“Good morning sugar!” He smiles.

“Martin.”

“How are you still asleep? It's breakfast time.”

“Okay I will be down in an hour or so. ” I yawn.

“I'm waiting right here.” He smiles making his way in.

“Oh come in.” I snort to myself.

He makes himself comfortable on my bed. I get ready in the bathroom with him waiting for me. When done, I grab my phone and text Arielle and Tamina to know how they're doing and I text Nessa and Ashanti a motivational quote by Dr Martin Luther King and an 'I love you' to Mom and Dad.

“You never let me sleep.” I whine tucking my phone in my hoodie pocket. When we get downstairs everyone is sitting at the table, I smile at Michelle from the table she's at, I like to think we've established a relationship despite her brutal honesty breaking my heart.

Martin takes a seat in between Racheal and Mirabelle. “Come sit in my lap.” He smiles.

Mirabelle laughs, “Damn Camilla, you're just stealing hearts left and right.”

“Racheal grab a chair.” Alpha Adrian says looking straight at her, she doesn't complain, she gets up and drags a chair next to her.

“Sit there.” He tells me and like a dog following his master's order I do as he says.

“Moon move.” Martin says to Belle and she does, they switch seats so he's sitting next to me. I pour myself a glass of the grape juice sitting at my left and stick a straw in it. I take a sip and catch Martin eyeing my glass. I look up at him, “Don't even think about it.” I warn.

“Just one sip, besides I have my own straw.” He argues.

If I don't let him have his way, he'll bug me until he does. I've learned that the hard way and I'm not in the spirit’s for it this morning so I let him have his way.

He takes one long sip leaving my glass practically empty. I ignore this invitation to bicker because I'm hungry, I take small bites of my food to ensure I don't choke.

Alpha Adrian is watching me sternly from the corner of his eye, he instructed me to behave when I got here and now I'm wondering if bickering with his brother is considered misbehaving.

Everytime I look up from my plate I catch him watching me, right before he looks away. Santiago and Alpha Adrian leave with Mirabelle following behind them. I finally exhale.

“Your reaction to him amazes me everytime.” Racheal giggles. I think she knows about us, she just likes to mind her business.

“Martin, you're an asshole for this, poor Cami can't even eat her breakfast in peace with you bothering her and your psycho little brother staring into her soul.” She sneers.

“He'll get used to it.” Martin counters, okay so even though he knows about his brother and I even though there's not much to know, for something he wanted to keep a secret, it's not that secretive anymore, over three people know about it now. They begin to bicker the same way Alpha Adrian and Belle do as I watch them amused that they're not asking questions about Alpha and I.

“Cami, we're waiting for you.” Mirabelle says standing at the entryway.

“Me?” Why is she waiting for me?

“Yea, you come on or we'll be late.”

I get up from my seat. “Bye.” I tell the bickering adults at the table that don't acknowledge my departure.

“They'll notice you're gone when they're done arguing.” Mirabelle tells me.

I follow her outside, Santiago, Sandra and Apollo appear. “Ready to go girls?”

“Where?” I ask.

“Errands. Cami you can ride in this car, it's open and the driver will be coming soon. Belle you're with me.”

“Can't I ride with Cami?” She protests.

“If you want a good nagging, sure Moon knock yourself out.”

“No, I'm coming with you. Sorry Cami but I will see you there.” she says running off to Sandra and Apollo. Santiago opens the door of the car we were leaning on and I get in the passenger seat.

“See you.” He smiles mischievously.

When the door of the car opens, I realise I've been set up. Curse Santiago for trying to play matchmaker with fire and ice. He's startled to see me. “Umm, San-santi.. Santiago said I -” ditching the words that I can't seem to voice out I shake my head and get out of the car in record time.

“Get in.” He demands. Two little words holding all power over me, I get in and sit, putting on my seatbelt I tense in my seat.

He starts driving soon as he connects his phone to the car. “You can breathe, I won't eat you.”

“Mmm?”

“You act like I'm going to murder you and hide your remains in my basement.” That's because you can or worse, but of course I don't say it to him, instead I keep my head to the window and my mouth shut as I watch the people and buildings as we drive by. Trying not to look at him or breathe too loudly.

A song I’m familiar with, Hold on by Chord Overstreet bursts through the speakers.

This song breaks my heart because I feel every emotion and every word sung. It gives me a vivid memory of a tragedy I’m still trying to forget, one that gives me nightmares til this day. Before I know it, I am singing along to it.

“I can’t imagine a world with you gone, the joy and the chaos, the demon’s we’re made of. I'd be so lost if you left me alone..you locked yourself in your bathroom. Laying on the floor when I break through, I pull you in to feel your heartbeat. Can you hear me screaming please don’t leave me. Hold on, I still want you. Come back I still need you-” My voice cracks and the tears I didn’t notice roll down my cheeks as I silently sang along to the song have drenched my face, I bring my hands to my face to wipe them but it seems more tears grace my face faster than I can wipe them.

I close my eyes to prevent the tears from rolling down my cheeks but then I see her, her smile, her golden hair and baby blue eyes before I left the room, the memory is too raw to touch and I know what comes next. Scared to see it, the familiar feeling of hypoxia consumes me. I try to open my eyes but I can't, no Camilla you can’t have a breakdown now, pull yourself together, happy thoughts no sorrow. Words, I realise all these words are useless when I’m choking on plain air.

“Camilla?” A voice in the distance calls out but I ignore it, twisting the door to open.

“Open your eyes, fucking open your eyes!” He commands, I instantly recognize that voice and my eyes fly open.

Tears hazing my vision as I gasp for air. “Breathe! Come on deep breaths.” He orders brushing my back.

He directs his breathing to show me how and following his example, I succeed. I can breathe again without choking on air, I glance at him through my tears. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? Should I take you to a doctor?”

Too many questions for my brain to encompass in such a short time. “Answer me dammit!” He roars.

I startle, shaking my head. “No, I don’t.”

He snorts, maintaining my gaze. “Are you kidding me, you blacked up for ten whole minutes and you couldn’t breathe, you had some sort of extreme panic attack and almost died in my car and you’re saying you’re okay?”

I nod my answer and he punches the steering wheel, whispering something turning to me. “We are not moving until you tell me what the hell that was.”

Only now do I realise we’re parked in a no parking zone. I take a deep breath, chewing on my lip. “I- umm had a breakdown, it’s no…nothing happens. The song just triggered something and took me…took me to a place that crashes my soul. I’m sor-sorry.” I look down in my lap, “Now can we please go.”

“Yea, stop crying.” He says handing me a handkerchief from his pocket. I take it and wipe my tears with it. He begins to drive, his eyes coming to mine from time to time. He sounded concerned, does he care about me?

I take my phone out my hoodie and text Tamina, she’s my psychiatrist and she always knows what to do, as I await her reply my phone rings, she’s calling.

I ignore it, Alpha Adrian lets out a growl of frustration and I know he wants me to answer the phone. I slide to answer and bring it to my ear. “Hey Mina.”

“Are you okay, what happened exactly?”

“I’m A-O-K. It happened just like I explained in the-the text.”

“Do you need help for a full session?”

“No I’m good, I don’t nee-ed help yet I promise you’ll be the first one I call. I just felt a little guilty maybe? And I lost control of my -everything.” I sigh.

The line is silent for a few seconds, “Guilty?” she asks, her voice filled with worry.

I look at Alpha Adrian who seems not to be minding me anymore. “Yes, I’ve been happy these past few days and –”

“No baby, you don’t have to feel guilty for being happy, you deserve every ounce of happiness in the world and she’d want that for you her happiness was yours so don’t ever think that she’d be sad to see you happy without her because that couldn’t be further from the truth. She would have loved to see you happy. You have to live a happy and peaceful life for the both of you.” She pounders the last part but I hear it.

“But-”

“Nothing, do your breathing exercises repeat the mantra I taught you and call me if anything but please don’t go blaming yourself and guilt tripping yourself over things you had no control over.” She insists and I nod, forgetting she can’t see me..

“I can’t see you nodding but okay baby girl. I love you, everyone loves you, you’re beautiful, you're smart, full of compassion and worthy of happiness.” She remarks before the line goes dead on both ends. I clutch my phone to my chest and quietly repeat my mantra.

When the car finally stops at one destination, one of the Royal’s buildings, I'm familiar with it because I’ve been dragged here one or two times when I was younger. I step out of the car and search for Mirabelle but my eyes find Micheal first.

“Go on, say hi but meet me inside in five minutes.” He says walking away.