Chapter 208
I looked at Roman as we lay in bed completely naked . Our bodies stuck to each other and the warmth was amazing. It was not just the warmth that felt great but the sparks -the sparks our bodies produced whenever they touched made the whole experience magical.
A few months ago I believed that the whole mate bond thing was so cliche and was some complete bullshit . I really thought it was all crap and that everyone had a choice to fuck whoever they wanted to fuck. Now it was all different...this was real. I wanted to avoid it ,to avoid him but it was almost impossible. I felt like he was everything ,Roman was perfect. He was the opposite of everything that I am-that I was and that is what made us perfect for each other.
Alexander loved me once but I betrayed him and because we were not fated to be together it was easy for him to lose me . It was easy for him to just throw me away, throw our history away and even the moments we once shared together. I still feel hurt I guess but now I kind if understood that Lucy wasn't just his choice. She 'is' his destiny and I can't imagine anyone coming between that.
"What are you thinking about so deeply" Roman asked
I smiled as he played with my red curls ,he really loved my hair. "I am not angel, sometimes I feel like you think I'm so pure and special but I'm not" I told him honestly. "Angel's don't hurt somebody they love and I have done that so many times. I have hurt somebody I used to love so deeply and I have hated myself for it."
"Talk to me my love. What really happened, whatever it is it's all in the past now and talking about it is part of a healing process. I will not judge you for it ,you are my mate and nothing will change that" Roman said brushing a few strands of hair off my face.
Sometimes I wondered how I got so lucky to have such a calm and loving mate. I expected Roman to be cold and to hate me for all the trouble I had caused plus for all the gubbage that I came with but he was so caring. He was the most understanding person I had ever met. It brought tears to my eyes because I didn't expect this. I didn't deserve him and his beautiful heart.
The weight of my regrets bore down on me, threatening to choke the words from my throat. "There are things in my past, choices I've made, that I've never shared with anyone. I was so afraid you would hate me and Judge me for it."
He gently squeezed my hand, encouraging me to continue. "I'm listening."
"I told you this before...I was once part of another pack," I confessed, my voice a mere whisper. "I loved an Alpha, Alexander, with a depth that consumed me. I would have done anything for him." I could feel his heart rate increase. I knew that he didn't like the idea of his mate loving another but I hoped he would understand that this was before him. I just prayed he would understand.
Roman's brow furrowed, sensing the gravity of the revelation. "What happened?"
Tears welled in my eyes as I unraveled the painful tapestry of my past. "Alexander was destined for another, a human named Lucy. I couldn't accept it. My love twisted into something dark and possessive. I hurt people, Roman, all because I couldn't bear the thought of losing him." I breathed in and continued "I tried to get rid of this girl Lucy in every possible way. Roman I was the devil and I literally wanted her dead. Anything for us to be together."
Roman's grip tightened, his eyes reflecting a mixture of empathy and concern. "Iris..."
"I became a monster, Roman," I continued, my voice laden with remorse. "I let my pain justify terrible actions. And in the end, Alexander nearly killed me to protect Lucy. I've carried the weight of those mistakes, those sins, ever since."
Now looking back I couldn't believe I had carried so much hatred and grief. It was like poison and if I was Roman I would hate me right now after hearing all this but I still hope he still cared for me.
The vulnerability in sharing my darkest truth with Roman felt like an admission of guilt. He remained silent, absorbing the depths of my pain.
"I'm terrified that history will repeat itself," I confessed, my voice trembling. "That I'll let my fears and insecurities turn me into the person I used to be. I don't want to hurt you, Roman. But the fear is always there, lurking."
Roman cupped my face, his thumb wiping away a stray tear. "Iris, you're not that person anymore. You've grown, changed. And I'm not Alexander. I won't let history repeat itself."
His words offered a fragile solace, but the fear persisted. "I want to believe that, Roman. But the fear is a constant companion. I don't want to be the cause of pain again."
He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. "You're not alone in this. We face our fears together, Iris. I won't let you be consumed by the shadows of the past."
I nodded, the weight on my shoulders momentarily eased by his comforting presence. "I don't want to lose you, Roman." I admitted. He was growing on me and I felt like he was not just my mate but my friend as well.
"You won't," he assured, his eyes unwavering. "We'll get through this, one step at a time. And I'm not going anywhere."
There was something soothing and comforting about Roman . He was an Alpha,yes but he was also a loving man. He cared about his pack,his sister and me. I trusted Roman and I was never going to let this go.
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