Chapter 102
"I always hated him, maybe because he got your favor while I didn't, he got your adoration while I didn't, he got your smile while I didn't. Hell, do you know how much I loved to see you smile, I still do, Daddy. Alexander was a jerk, but he protected me from your harsh treatment, always soliciting for me. Alexander was a jerk, but I loved him. He didn't deserve to die. I didn't deserve to be the one in his place." Alexander said.
"I'm glad you are." Jacqueline said coming in, her eyes were red and tears were making a habit of moving down her face.
"If you were murdered that night, what would happen to me? I would be lost, Alessandro." She said, settling in on the bed beside him.
"I'm the weak and pathetic son, why do I have to take on the burden of the strong son. You hated someone weak, I'm weak, dad. Do you want someone weak taking over your empire? Alexander should be there, but you killed him, papa. Isn't that what he called you? Papa or lovely dad? I used to stare at you and wonder if you missed being called that? I don't think you did, because deep down you knew you killed your favorite son that night."
Every word Alexander said while he was asleep hit Vincenzo hard, he felt like they kept firing bullets into his heart.
"I'm sorry." He kept repeating, crying in the process.
"Try countering every word he's saying." Jacqueline said, hoping he will snap out of it that way. Alessandro's brain is already wired, he sees himself as weak and pathetic, if Vincenzo tried telling him the opposite, it might work.
"I'll never forgive you, dad. I just want to be an artist, but you collected that dream from me."
"That's alright, you can be whoever you want. You never needed my permission then, you don't need it now. You are strong, Alessandro. You are the strongest person I know, sticking and having to put up with me for years, it wasn't easy, but you stayed with your old man. I might not be your mentor now, but I hope one day you wake up and see me as one again. I'll make things right, Alessandro." Vincenzo said, going closer to him. Alexander was no longer thrashing the bed, at least not as much as he was doing before he started talking.
"Alexander, the day you came home calling me that, I was standing over the real Alexander's body, I already cried my eyes out and I couldn't cry anymore. I looked up at you, I guess my eyes was void then that's why you were taken aback. Then you had faked your tears and cried for the wrong son. Alexander might have lost his life that day, but you know who else died? Me. I died because I didn't deserve all that. But you made it stronger? Yes it did. But, I didn't need to be strong, I needed to be safe. Safe from the monster that is my father. In a flash I took on my brother's name, his identity, his skills, his fvcking room! I helped you discard my painting, I listened on you speak ill of me, the son you ordered them to kill." Tears were still rolling down his face as he spoke.
His temperature was getting a little high, so Jacqueline had to dab his forehead as she cried.
"God!" She muttered, her hand over her mouth.
"I threw out my own clothes, my favorite hoodies. Of course I asked you if I could keep them, you had made a nasty remark 'why will you hold on to a dead and forgotten boy things' I remember, dad. Every single thing you said against me, I remember. Sometimes I spaced out, wondering the look you will have on when you finally knew that your dear sweet child was gone. I died long time ago, I have no idea why I'm still walking. I have no idea why I let you in my house to spend the holiday. I have no idea why I still let myself check on you everyday. I hate that I love you, dad. I hate that you still don't know that I know. I hate that you keep forcing the weak and pathetic son to succeed you. Bruno can do it, after all that's why his mom is fighting so hard to kill me." Alexander whimpered.
"I wish you can hear me. You might end up waving it off, saying I'm weak, because I let my emotions show. A real man isn't supposed to say what he feels, he should keep it down blah blah blah. You know the nonsense you do say. It's stupid by the way, because emotions are what make us stronger, makes us to be able face what life throws at us."
"Hey, you're the strongest person I know, baby. Your emotion doesn't make you weak, it's what makes you who you are. I'm lucky that I have you in my life, you will probably wake up and not remember this, but I love you son. I might not show it and I might have screwed up one way or the other, but I'm sorry. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I'll just show you. I never threw out the painting, your painting. After you brought them out, I took a moment to look at them and it was all me. While I hated it, I loved it in my own twisted way. I'm sorry, Alessandro." Vincenzo said, placing his hand on his son's head.
"Your family is messed up. You are messed up." Jacqueline muttered, wiping the sweat on Alexander's forehead.
"What family isn't messed up?" Vincenzo asked back.
"Goodnight world, don't miss me when I'm gone." Alexander muttered.
"Don't you dare die on me, Alexander or Alessandro. I have no idea what to call you, but don't you dare die on me or I will follow you to wherever you are going and kill you myself."
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