Friday, December 20th
(Cole’s POV)
It’s been nearly two months since I was reunited with my mate and everything crashed from around us. While there was no way to know that my back was injured in such a way to leave me paralyzed at least it wasn’t permanent. While it took nearly a week to get me mentally well enough to take me off the sedatives, I am grateful for the intervention Deven and Demetri put together.
The epidural was a success and having it placed while asleep was the least traumatic experience I’ve had in the hospital wing. It feels weird to say it that way considering my lack of memory but something tells me that most of my hospital stays are hellacious at best. They ran several tests on me including sedating me for both a CAT scan and a MRI. It was frustrating that the radiologist didn’t speak to me directly about what was found but Alpha Demetri did sit down with the two of us to explain the results.
He apologized to begin with as he felt that the doctor jargon would overwhelm me. Simply put, something happened to me years ago that resulted in multiple cuts into my spinal cord and now that I’m allowed to actually relax the lack of adrenaline in my body has made the damage done rear its ugly head. While the doctors at Shadowlands University and Demetri himself promised to do everything they can to keep me on my feet they also expressed concern that this likely wasn’t the first time that it happened and it won’t be the last.
Within days of my diagnosis of having a spinal cord injury and intermittent paralysis they started taking me to physical therapy. I was measured and a custom wheelchair was manufactured to my specific measurements and needs. After two weeks of intensive daily therapy I received custom braces that provided me with the strength I was missing in my legs and started getting around on crutches. I’ve built up enough strength and coordination over the last two months that I’m finally able to get around using just the braces that support my ankles but they insisted that I keep everything that I was given to get me through the issue so I don’t have to wait to get new.
While being disabled for such a long time felt new and terrifying somehow it wasn’t the actual paralysis that bothered me. Oddly, it was the attention I constantly received that upset me. It was as if I had a sudden realization that I wasn’t allowed to be vulnerable even though I had no choice. While I did manage to push my fears down enough to cooperate in my care, it still took two weeks before Alpha Demetri was comfortable with my ability to overcome my fears and make appropriate decisions for myself.
Jessa has made steady progress after her initial scares. She was so close to death that her second cash rattled her worse than the first. Once her test results started coming back showing what she was dealing with they were able to give her the best care imaginable. She spent the majority of the two weeks Demetri stayed heavily sedated. It wasn’t until her bacterial load and the highest purity of silver came down to half of where she started that they allowed her to stay awake for longer periods of time.
I have gotten to know all the doctors working with both of us at a more personal level which has calmed most of my fears towards them. We stayed in the hospital an additional two weeks beyond Demetri leaving for Crimson Dawn, returning to the pack house just a few days before Thanksgiving.
Cassius and his family put together a wonderful feast for the entire pack. A huge undertaking but part of a tradition that was started by his great grandfather decades ago. Thanksgiving was about sharing and being grateful for the work going into making the pack function as a singular unit where no one was in need of anything.
We’ve been told that Christmas is celebrated individually as not all families are comfortable celebrating. Many werewolves see Christmas as a human holiday that they don’t wish to participate in. Cassius, just like his fathers before him, continues the compromise of simply giving everyone in the pack two weeks off. It’s the only time that pack members truly need money as they have to travel into the city for groceries if they run out of something. Even the medical wing is closed with the exception of minor emergencies bringing me back to where we are now.
I can hear Jessa losing the breakfast she just ate to the porcelain god that didn’t ask for it. I’m at a loss as she woke up ravenously hungry but lost most of her appetite once she started eating. I sit silently on our bed, lost as to how to help her as she hasn’t been sick like this since leaving the hospital. It only takes a minute of silence before I can hear her move from the toilet to the sink. Turning the water on, I know that she’s brushing her teeth before coming out.
“I’m sorry.” She apologizes meekly as I look up.
“Don’t be.” I shake my head as I stand.
I can tell by her voice, eyes and general body posture that she’s afraid but I don’t know why.
“What’s going on Jess. You’re afraid right now.” I approach her slowly as I attempt to communicate my concerns.
“I can’t do this. I can’t be in heat here. I don’t know them. I don’t know how they will react. I’m not marked and the pain. The cramps. They cripple me.”
She starts to cry as she finishes her fear-filled rambling. I slide my arms around her, pulling her gently into me as I rub her back. It’s difficult for me to judge if getting sick is from the anxiety she’s experiencing or if it’s from the heat itself.
“Come lay with me.” I strongly suggest as I attempt to guide her towards the bed.
“Noooo.” She cries out while pulling away. “I can’t be around anyone when I’m in heat. No one can be trusted.”
She’s frantic as she attempts to get away from me. While my temporary paralysis left my body from the waist down weak my upper body has gained the strength needed to care for myself.
“You know I would never hurt you.” I whisper in her ear as I place my cheek on her head.
Her struggle becomes even more intense as she shows me the painful side of what she’s enduring. She nearly collapses in my arms, whimpering hard as she wraps her arms around her abdomen.
“I can’t do this.” She cries again, quietly.
I again attempt to get her to the bed. This time her pain is much too intense for her to contemplate fighting, hobbling over to the bed. She’s bawling by the time we reach the bed. Coaxing her to lay down comes easily. While I cannot pinpoint how I know what to do there’s something about what’s happening to her that is familiar. I hunt down the heating pad Cassius gave to me and plug it into the bedside lamp. She fights my efforts to straighten her legs and remove her fists pressing into her abdomen but somehow I succeed in doing both allowing me to introduce the pad to her.
I work my way to the other side of the bed, sitting on the edge so I can remove the braces that are wrapped around my ankles. Although they are comfortable enough that I can easily sleep in them, the hard plastic on the outside makes it even more painful if I were to accidentally kick her while sleeping. I work my way over to her, lying down with my chest and abdomen nearly touching her back.
“Lean into me,Jessa. Let me touch your belly.”
I encourage her as I pull her towards me. She whimpers and cries incoherently as she pulls away from me.
“Jessa please. Come to me. I know you’re afraid and that’s okay. I won’t touch if you don’t want me to. I just really believe that I can relieve the cramping if I do.”
At some point during my attempt to reassure her she switched from fear driven refusal to pain driven need, grabbing both my hands in hers. I cuddle her closely as she pulls her legs into her abdomen. I remain calm but silent hoping that the worst of it will end soon.
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