Wednesday, October 24th
(Cole’s POV)
I sit upon the cold, hard, unforgiving tile floor as I struggle to recover. My stomach flips violently as I lean my back against the coolness of the tub. I pull my knees to my chest, knowing that my need to hurl is done, I lay my head upon my arms. The flood gates I was desperately trying to keep at bay finally break loose of their confinement and I can’t help but bawl. For the first time ever I regret the decision not to talk, to not take Alpha Black’s offer of sanctuary from the impending doom.
How could I have dismissed so easily the help Jamie could have provided me? How could I have been so careless to forget the help he has provided me over the last two years? Just because I’m not conscious enough to remember him being there doesn’t mean I haven’t been told. Olivia has repeatedly told me stories about Jamie bringing me back to my room. How he and his father have used glue to seal the worst of my wounds. She has even heard her father brag about the beatings he’s given Jamie and Mr. Jenkins for their refusal to abandon me. No matter how hard I try to separate from them Jamie simply won’t let go. I guess that’s what the fated beta is; fiercely loyal to his alpha.
It’s as I recover from my hard cry that I purposely start slowing my breathing, concentrating hard on going into the trace-like state that’s necessary to enter the channel that Jessa uses to communicate. During my stay with Dr. Pierce she was relaxed enough with my presence that she spoke of wanting to establish a connection with me. It’s ultimately what she wanted to start introducing to me when everything went wrong the first time I was alone with her.
While she doesn’t fully understand how it works, what she does know is that she can speak with any alpha that she has met as long as she initiated the conversation but the reverse doesn’t happen. She tried for weeks to teach me the way she taught Damian to create the channel needed to reach out to her. Unfortunately the pain it caused was too much for me to bare.
She calmed my fears of being unable to complete the connection by explaining it took Damian several months of trying to complete it and a week long migraine once he created it but in the end he’s the only one that can initiate contact without a phone.
I essentially fall asleep on my arms as I project myself into my consciousness. I immediately find myself walking in the astral plane I created long ago. It’s my sanctuary, my peace within my world of chaos and fear.
The grass beneath my feet is soft, the lake to my left is calm. I walk calmly through the sparsely wooded field towards the cave my wolf lives in. When I first created this space for him he would come bounding towards me like a pet dog greeting his owner after a long time away. It’s been years since he’s had such confidence.
Although Jessa was initially impressed by the details I gave her on my personal astral plane the more I described it the more concerned she became. The fact that I have to seek my wolf out, it doesn’t matter that I know exactly where he is, just the fact that I have to go to him instead of him instantly being there is a worrisome sign that we never merged. I’ve never been taught anything different.
I enter the mouth of the cave shortly after arriving and find my wolf the way he’s been for years, huddling against the far back wall. I approach the shy, underdeveloped gray and white wolf slowly. It’s easy to see that he’s feeling the same overwhelming sense of fear and dread that I am.
‘Hey there buddy. Do you think you can help me?’
I speak to him soft and encouragingly, much like the way I desire to be spoken to. He lifts his head so he’s looking at me instead of the ground.
‘I sorry. I not know.’
He responds as his body visibly shakes under his thinning coat of fur. All I can do is nod as I respond.
‘I know, so am I. I need your help to contact Jessa.’
‘Mate?’ He perks up for a moment before looking back to the cave floor.
‘No mate. We left.’ His voice is sad and submissive.
The biggest benefit to the astral plane is speaking to him telepathically without any pain.
‘She’s still our mate, buddy. They never rejected us.’ I try to encourage hope.
‘I need your help getting into the channel so we can connect with her. She’s our only way out of this mess.’ I lie in an effort to gain his cooperation.
‘Channel will hurt you.’ He speaks of his fear as every time we’ve tried has been excruciating.
‘I know but we need to try.’
He whines quietly not liking the idea of trying again. He’s been hesitant ever since the first try nearly knocked me out.
‘Don’t make me name you. We already act as if we’re two separate entities.’
He cocks his head briefly before walking towards me.
‘Name? No new name. I Buddy.’
I’m shocked that he’s confirmed the worst case scenario for any shifter, we never merged.
‘How long have you known?’ I whisper as he climbs into my lap.
‘Always been separate.’ I sigh not knowing how else to respond.
I wrap my wolf into a hug as he places his head upon my shoulder. His body trembles in my arms as I close my eyes.
We enter the secondary plane easily, this place reminds me of a cloudless night sky. The black and navy background surrounds me with the only visible light coming from the bright white dots above me. Even the ground beneath my feet is black as I move along looking for the literal door that allows me to cross into the channel that exists separately from the astral plane.
It’s as the white door comes into view that my migraine starts. Jessa doesn’t understand why it hurt Damian like it did for him to step into the channel which makes it even more perplexing as to why my level of pain is so much higher. Even accounting for my heightened sense of pain doesn’t quite explain the intensity that I feel but I keep going. All I want is my Luna, nothing else matters to me.
My walk slows as the pain intensifies. My wolf cries loudly as he feels the pressure inside our head increase, yet he refuses to leave my side, taking each agonizingly slow step towards the door with me. Somehow we make it to the door, my hand twists the knob and pulls it open. My eyes are blinded by the pure white light as my head simultaneously explodes with pain. I have no clue what’s going on with my physical body as everything fades into absolute darkness.
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