Friday, December 20th Pt. 2
I wake to the sounds of footsteps outside my door. While this is a common occurrence that I’ve gotten used to, something about Jessa has me on high alert as I’ve never been awakened by them. I have no idea when the two of us fell asleep but looking at the clock I can tell it’s been a while. I slowly pry myself away from Jessa. I don’t wish to wake her but I know I need some advice and I decided while lying with her that I would seek out Deven or Cassius. One of them should know something and I trust them not to hurt her even if she doesn’t.
I reach between the nightstand and bed for my forearm crutches. I actively choose between the two of them and right now I feel I don’t have the time for putting on the braces that assist me in walking without them. I slip my hands through the cuffs at the top and move swiftly towards the door. I open it wide enough to get through without causing it to hit the wall just as Deven walks by.
“Dr. Leroux.” I call in the hopes that he will stop.
“Are you okay, Cole?” He stops and asks as I struggle to shut the door.
“I need to talk to you.”
“I was heading to my office but I have time to talk. Would you like to go grab your braces and meet me there?”
“It would be easier than trying to figure out how to shut this door with crutches.” He nods as I stop.
“You know which one is my office. I’ll leave the door open for you.”
I nod this time as I head back to the bed. I had forgotten how difficult things could be with the crutches and why I preferred the braces instead. I take my time this time getting the braces on and strapping them down. I stand slowly to ensure I have my balance before walking back to the door. While everything has improved drastically over the last two months I still lose my balance easily.
I make my way carefully to Deven’s office and walk in without a sound. He’s walking between his desk and filing cabinet making space for me to comfortably sit and conversate.
“What’s going on?”
He asks easily as I sit in the chair in front of his desk. I look back at the door before opening my mouth just to close it without saying anything. I sigh hard as I look at the door. It still takes a lot of effort for me to walk even short distances without my crutches and I’m frustrated that I forgot to shut it.
“I see.” Deven whispers as he walks by.
Even though I didn’t ask for privacy he takes the extra step of placing a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door before closing and locking it.
“Thank you.” I can barely get out as I try to remember if I locked my bedroom door.
“You’re afraid Cole. I haven’t felt this level of fear from you since you discovered you were paralyzed in the tub.”
He speaks now with great concern. All I can do is nod.
“Jessa is in heat.”
I whisper nervously to the floor wishing he didn’t hear me as hard as I need him to.
“This is a sound proof room when the door is shut. You sound terrified to admit that your mate is in heat but that’s a good thing. It means that her wolf is feeling well enough that she could possibly carry a child.”
All I can do is shake my head as I have no clue what to think or do for her.
“She’s scared, Deven, and in a lot of pain. It’s familiar to me in a bad way.”
“What do you mean the familiarity is in a bad way?”
“If someone evil finds out they will rape her.”
It’s a struggle to get the words out of my mouth. They’ve been stuck in my head for hours and saying them has decreased my ability to breathe tenfold.
“Do you have your inhaler on you?”
The concern in his voice has grown even more. I shake my head as I feel myself start to spiral.
“I’d like to do this a different way. Cassius is next door. He has one of your inhalers on his desk.”
He reaches his hand out to me, helping me to stand before ushering me next door. I’ve been in Cassius’s office several times. The room is twice the size of Deven’s. I was told that it was a guest room converted to an office but there are several things that he kept, one was a bedroom.
Deven ushers me silently past Cassius’s desk straight to the room I’ve only seen in passing. I can barely see him as he leaves his desk and heads for his door shutting it just as I sit on his bed.
“I’ve gotten to know the signs of you starting into a flashback or are trying to hold back one you’re already in. I need you to talk to us because Jessa being in heat has affected you more than you think.”
I nod my head, agreeing with his assessment. I whine hard as I cover my ears. Somehow I didn’t fully realize what Deven had already picked up on until that moment, the moment her screams echo through my head.
I curl into a ball as the panic sets in. The taste of blood creeping into my mouth makes me wretch repeatedly until my body has no choice but to give something up only I’m in no condition to make my way to the bathroom. It’s only as I’m forced to stay still, vomiting stomach acid into the bucket on my lap that I come back into contact with reality. It takes several minutes for everything to slow down enough to fully realize what has happened. They remain silent as Cassius gently wipes my mouth.
“Are you done?” It’s only when I look at his face that I can see the level of his concern.
“I think so.” I manage to whisper despite still being halfway between the flashback and reality.
“That was one of the most intense flashbacks I have seen you go through.”
He comments as he takes the bucket from my lap.
“As much as you hate this. I need you to talk. The standard that we’ve been doing. We need to record what you’re seeing in this flashback.”
I shake my head hard but it’s only when I lean back that I realize that Deven is behind me.
“Breathe Cole.” I whimper as he speaks gently near my ear. “We’ve done this multiple times over the last two months. We need to know what’s going on in this memory so we know why Jessa being in heat has triggered it.”
He takes the time to explain what has been explained at least a dozen times before. I whine as I attempt to regulate my breathing.
“I’m somewhere else. A bedroom I don’t remember but feels familiar. I’m surrounded by littles.”
“Can you tell me anything about their gender or age?” Cassius tries to lead me towards the details.
“Boys and girls. Ages are mixed. Most are children and preteens but I can see really little ones, like preschoolers.”
I try to base my information off the kids I’ve seen around the pack.
“Do you know why they are there?” I know it’s Cassius asking the questions based on his voice even with my eyes closed.
“No. There’s air and memory foam mattresses all over the floor. There’s barely anywhere to walk except for a single path. It looks like it leads to a bathroom. I’m sitting on my bed, there’s a child in my arms whimpering. She’s wrapped in a heavy blanket. Another one approaches me from the bathroom. Her hair is wet as if she just finished bathing. She’s frightened. Her voice shakes as she tells me she’s ready to be marked. The one I’m holding climbs off my lap, taking the blanket with her but I have another one behind me as if I was prepared for this. She climbs willingly into my lap but her entire body shakes as she wraps her arms around me. I can feel my mouth is different but I’m not certain how. I give her directions but I can’t hear what they are. I open my mouth and place it on her shoulder, breathing in deeply through my mouth. I don’t understand. What am I doing? No, no, noooo!” I scream as I bite down.
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