Saturday, December 21st Pt. 2
(Cole’s POV)
I hold my mate gently. Even when she wanted to push away, I held on without hurting her. The rejection she felt when she thought that I didn’t want to have sex with her is heartbreaking but so is her belief that all alphas are the same. My wolf has just barely woken up from his own coma a few months ago. He is still very weak and spends the majority of his time sleeping but at least his presence is strong enough for me to know what I am; an alpha werewolf.
Only I’m not just any alpha, I am one of the three sons of Red Fang. While I still have no real memories of what happened I have concluded that the many different dreams I’ve had of the young boy must be some of the things that have happened during my childhood. I still shake violently every time I wake from such dreams.
The hardest thing I’ve had to come to terms with so far is the conversation I had with Alpha Black over the phone. While conversing about Jessa’s journey to the Shadowlands pack he felt it was time to let me know what was going on; my father and brother have been arrested by the council for my attempted murder. I’ve been told that’s just the beginning as the council is still building its case against him, my mom and one of my brothers. It’s odd to think of such things as I try to prepare myself for having sex for the first time with my very frightened mate but I guess that’s why I’m thinking of it. My father and brother tried to kill me, came damn close to succeeding yet my only desire is the exact opposite. All I want is to protect others from the very pain I struggle to remember enduring, from the pain my mate is setting herself up to accept in the name of a mating she’s not ready for.
I hold her silently after explaining the rules I will not negotiate on, waiting for her shaking body to relax within my hold.
“The tub!”
She suddenly shouts as she pushes away from me. I release her immediately, allowing her to run back to the bathroom to check on the water. I’m surprised when she emerges but the water is still running.
“I thought it was close to overflowing but all it needs is some cold to run into it. You go in the bath first. The cramping has started and it will continue to get worse if I don’t start taking something for it.”
I nod my head but I can’t be certain that she even sees it considering she’s speaking towards the ground.
“Jess, I need you to promise me something.” I place my hand under her chin, rubbing the tears from her cheek with my thumb.
“What’s that?” She whispers.
“No Valium or Ativan. Please, no sedatives. Having sex while under the influence of a sedative is rape. I won’t do it.”
“Not when I’m telling you now that I want it.”
“You don’t want it Jess. You’re shaking harder than a leaf blowing around in a blizzard. The pain and hormones are making you believe that you need it.” I pause as I continue my gentle caressing of her cheek.
“I do need it.” She whispers, shame and guilt lacing her voice.
“Please, no sedatives. Alpha Cassius put me in several different sex education classes, both high school and adult learning based, in an effort to help ease me out of the negative emotions I have surrounding it. I have lots of ideas on how to help you relax with me. Please, Jessa.”
She slowly nods silently before she turns away from my touch and heads towards her kitchen. I can’t be certain that she’ll listen to my request but trust has to start somewhere. I take several deep breaths before finally making my own moves. I remove my shirt slowly, taking the time to look around the room for what might be a basket for dirty clothes. I sigh as I don’t immediately see anything. I fold my shirt instead, placing it neatly on the closest nightstand to me. I slide my pants off next, folding them like my shirt. I had forgotten that I will have to go outside to get at least one of the two duffel bags that I bought back from Shadowlands. I sit on the bed to remove my braces and socks, placing them neatly on the floor before using my crutches to head to the bathroom. I know it’s just the two of us in the apartment and we fully plan to have sex despite the very early morning hour that we’re in but I’m simply not comfortable removing my remaining piece of apparel in her room.
Turning off the water, I use one crutch to maintain my balance as I lean towards the tub and dip my hand into it. I’m surprised at the size of the bath and despite the ten or fifteen minutes that the water has run it still has a foot before it overflows. The water is warmer than I was expecting but my back is tight enough that it could certainly benefit from it.
I stand, preparing to remove my boxers when I feel her hands on mine. I hold my breath briefly before letting it out slowly. I can feel my own body shake with the nervousness of what I’m about to do with the only person I can remember ever loving me. I have wanted this with her ever since she arrived at Shadowlands yet I’m completely terrified. I know neither of us are ready. I close my eyes and remain completely still as I feel the tips of her fingers roam my back. I’ve had the most horrid time allowing anyone to touch my back yet, at this moment, I will not refuse her. She traces the numerous scars that are scattered around my back into the center. I tense and shake even more when she ever so gently traces her fingers completely down my spine where the highest concentration of scaring is. She changes her position so she stands beside me and places her hand in mine, rubbing the top gently.
“As bad as the timing may seem, this is truly the best time to see if I can figure out this injury. I can tell that the first pass hurt. You are extremely sensitive in your lower back. In order to get a sense of what’s going on I either have to increase my pressure or my time in the location.” She explains softly what she’s doing.
There’s a quivering to her voice alerting me to her own ill feeling.
“Are you okay?” I can’t help but change the subject.
“As you saw in Shadowlands, being in heat causes me a lot of pain. The one cycle I had outside of pack living I dealt with by locking myself away. Do you understand why I need to have sex?” I can tell that she’s hesitating to ask.
“One of the adult level classes I attended touched on it briefly. It was a gynecological class for nurses that Alpha Deven convinced the school to allow me to attend. They explained the medical reasons behind how the heat becomes painful and how sex helped it.
There was mention of multiple chemical releases occurring during the act of sex and orgasm. They explained that male werewolves can be violent and unpredictable in the presence of a female in heat due to the smell releasing chemicals in their brains. While the modern werewolf should not have such a problem, the body of a female werewolf has yet to evolve out of the natural protections that they developed.”
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