Seventy

****Dagen's POV


The sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows of the trees outside across the floor. I looked out the window for a very brief moment. The leaves that used to be so green, now looked pale, just like the feelings I have in my heart now.

Locked in my chambers, I looked at the dancing flames of the fireplace. But even the heat from the fire failed to melt the icy feeling that I’ve felt growing deeply inside of me for the last few days. Knowing that my child was dead and perhaps that Regina had sucked away every joy I had left in me. I could still hear the whispers of the pack members and the elders, their sympathetic glances just made me feel worse each time.

Kane, my wolf, had withdrawn into a shell, and I was not any different than him. He was a low buzz in the back of my thoughts – quiet, distant, and uncharacteristic of his loud, obnoxious personality. I shut my eyes and, failing to focus on any other picture inside my mind, all I could see was Regina. I was quite glad that Kane had been silent or else he would have teased me about it relentlessly.

Gentle tapping on the door interrupted my thoughts. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. Nydia had not stopped in her efforts to get me out of my state of sorrow. She walked silently towards me and then gave a small bow.

“Alpha Dagen,” she said formally and gently at the same time. “Do you have a moment?”

I looked at her and sighed. Her long hair fell over her shoulders. “I suppose so. What’s on your mind?” I tried to smile but the effort was weak at best.

Nydia moved a little, swinging her arms, and the hesitation reflected in her movements. “I thought we could talk. Maybe go for a walk? There is a beautiful scenery in the garden this season."

I sighed and looked out the window at the fast-growing dusk. “I do not think that a walk will make a difference, Nydia.”

"Maybe it will help to clear your thoughts. It’s high time you left this, uh, whatever it is and be outside in the fresh air for a few hours."

"Whatever it is?" I raised my brows at her in a questioning manner.

"The pack is concerned about you.”

“Let them worry,” I grumbled and looked back to the fire. “I don’t need their pity.”

“That is not it. They do not pity,” Nydia said confidently. “They respect you but this isn't you. They say they want to see you back to your old self.”

I shook my head, having a bitter feeling inside me. “Nydia just drop it."

Nydia got down on her knees beside me clutching my arm gently. “Alpha Dagen, you can no longer go on like this. If you continuously live in the past then the future will bury you.”

I made no answer but sat staring at the leaping flames. Her words did not touch me, they just annoyed me so I let it pass through one ear and out of the other ear.

“Alpha Dagen,” she asked quietly but assertively. “Well, you know you are in pain now, and you need to start recovering from it. You have responsibilities.”

“Responsibilities?” I repeated this to her, the bile in my tone nearly making me cringe on the inside. “How can I do my responsibilities here so soon while the environment constantly reminds me of my loss?”

Nydia’s eyes softened, and she sighed. “I understand your pain, but life must go on. You are the Alpha. Your duty is to the pack.”

“Duty,” I scoffed. “Is that all you see? A duty to the pack? What about my duty to my child? To have protected the woman that was carrying my heir?

“Your duty to the pack surpasses all. The best way to move forward is to birth another heir. Now that you have mated with your mate and conceived a child, it is possible for you to have another baby.”

“You think another child will replace the one I lost?”

“No,” she replied. “But it will give you something to hope for, something to live for. You need to heal, Alpha Dagen. The pack needs an heir.”

I shook my head, anger bubbling to the surface. “I cannot just forget my child and move on as if nothing happened.”

Nydia’s eyes flashed with frustration. “Is it the child you cannot forget, or is it Regina?”

“What are you implying?” I asked, my voice dangerously low.

“Dagen,” she said, her tone turning softer but no less intense. “You loved her, didn’t you? More than you cared to admit. And now, that love is clouding your judgment.”

“I don’t need this right now,” I snapped, my voice rising. “I don’t need to be told how I feel.”

“Then tell me,” she demanded, her voice rising. “Are you still going to marry me as you promised?”

“I’m not sure you are the same woman I fell in love with anymore.”

Nydia’s face contorted with pain, and she took a step back. “So, it’s true. You never intended to keep your promise. I knew it. You’re no different from the rest. You’re going to betray me.”

“This is not about betrayal. This is about a loss I cannot simply replace.”

She wiped at a stray tear, her voice trembling. “You don’t understand what this feels like for me. I’ve stood by you, waiting for you to heal, for you to find your way back to me. I thought we had a future together.”

“Don’t you think I want that too?” I shot back, frustration pouring out. “You think I enjoy this despair? This isolation?”

“Then why are you pushing me away?” Nydia asked. “I’m here for you. I want to help you.”

“But do you?” I said, searching her eyes. “Or do you want me to move on so you can birth an heir for me? Because you were jealous of Regina?"

She crossed her arms, her expression torn between anger and sorrow. “Time won’t bring her back, Dagen. It won’t change what happened.”

“I know that!” I shouted. “But how do you expect me to just forget her? She was carrying my goddamn child."

"Yes she carried your child but you were going to kill her after that, weren't you? You promised me that!" Nydia screeched tears spilling down her cheeks. “I can’t watch you drown in this grief. You have to let her go. Why are you acting like you love her instead of loving me?"

“Let her go?” I repeated incredulously. “You act like it’s that easy. She was my mate. She carried my child.”

“I thought you said you never loved her?"

"And I'm not saying I love her, damn you! I don't even know what love is anymore because things are clearly different with you! You have changed!"

“Love doesn’t have to be the same,” she said, her voice softening once more. “It can grow. It can change. Just like you have to.”

“Can it?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. “Or are you asking me to settle for a miserable life with you?"

Nydia stepped closer, desperation creeping into her voice. “I’m asking you to live, Dagen. Don’t let this grief consume you. I don't care if you don't love me even if it hurts, but I don't want you to keep mourning."

“I’m sorry, Nydia,” I said, my voice hollow. “But I can’t give you what you want.”

"Dagen—"

"Get out!"

"Dagen you—"

"I said get out!"