Chapter 188
Rachel
When Massimo left I stayed in bed thinking about everything that happened the past few days and how I’m going to get over it. I knew it will take time but I don’t want to loose this awesome intimacy I have with Massimo. I know he won’t push me and I also know he will help me through it but I have this urgency in me to sort it out now and move on with my life. I thought of a therapist but, been there done that, I’m not eager in doing that again. Then I started to think of the sex club we went to in Paris and how sexy I felt and how protected I felt with Massimo and the rigger with the ropes. It’s weird but the ropes made me feel safe, yes it’s a turn on but I also felt safe. Maybe I should convince Massimo to take me to a club in the city. The one he visited frequently. Problem with that we’ll need to wait until I’m all healed up. Maybe I can asked Massimo to make love to me, softly that will take “him” out of me and replaced by Massimo, my husband. I also know it’s going to take a lot of convincing. I decided what my course of action will be and got up. I was in the mood for a Starbucks Ice Latte but I want to walk to Starbucks. I need to go out and I need to not be afraid. I went to shower dressed in a warm tracksuit with some sneakers and called Marco. The phone only rang once “Something wrong Rachel?” “No Marco, I want to go out. Walk to the Starbucks.” It was quiet for a few seconds “You sure?” “Yes Marco, I need to get out.” “Okay Rachel, I’m ready when ever you are.” “I’m on my way Marco.” I put the phone down took my sling bag and got Marco at the lift. “Morning Marco.” “Morning Rachel. Are you ready to go out alone?” “Marco I’m not alone you with me.” “I mean without boss?” “Is there something else Massimo will do that you wouldn’t if there is danger?” “No Rachel just making sure.” We got out of the lift and walk onto a very busy and cold New York street. Marco was walking next to me, I was looking all around me looking for someone who will attack me at any minute, I started to work myself up. “Rachel” Marco tried to get my attention, but I was still looking for danger. He touch my shoulder and I almost jumped. “Sorry Rachel. You safe there is no threat I promise.” I sort of relaxed. “Thank you Marco.” We walked the 2 blocks to Starbucks and the last block felt good. It felt good to be around people out in the cold I could feel my cheeks where probable red from the cold but I loved it, it meant I was alive. I bought Marco an espresso, these men with their espresso’s and ordered a decaf hazelnut ice latte for me, the barista looked at me like I was crazy drinking a cold drink in this cold but that was what I wanted. We got a small table at the back and drank our coffee. “Marco, I think we should start running again next week.” “Sorry I’m asking again Rachel, but are you sure? You where a bit scared when we got out of the building? And the babies?” “I will be scared for a while Marco as long as you with me I think I’ll be okay and I need to get my running shoes on again it’s been way to long. And for the babies they are snug as bugs in here.” I rubbed my belly. But if it makes you feel better I have a appointment with the OBGYN next week, I’ll ask her then we can start after my appointment.” “That will make me feel better. Thank you Rachel.” “No worries Marco.” I knew all off them will be overprotective after what happened so I didn’t get upset or throw a tantrum. We finished our coffee and started to walk back to the apartment building. Everything was going well I didn’t look over my shoulder I didn’t look for danger until we where infront of the apartment building a huge man bumped into me he was very apologetic, but I could feel how the panic started in my stomach, Marco could obviously also see I was starting to panic. He talk to the man I couldn’t hear what he was saying then he took my hand and pulled me into the building. As soon as we where in the lift he took both my shoulders “Look at me Rachel.” I tried to lift my head but it was difficult as soon as our eyes met “Breath do what I do, In hold it and out. Come on Rachel you can’t pass out on me not again. Another one in hold it and out.” By the 4th in and out I could feel myself becoming calmer. I could also see the fear in Marco’s face. “Rachel don’t stop breathing In and out, in and out.” The lift doors open, again he took my hand and walked me to the kitchen where he made me a glass of sugar water. “Drink” I downed the glass put both hands on the counter and did the breathing exercise. I could feel my whole body relaxing. Marco didn’t leave the kitchen at all he waited until I was better. “You okay Rachel?” “Thank you Marco, I’m better, I don’t know why that guy gave me such a fright.” He just looked at me probable to make sure I’m talking the truth. “I’m really okay Marco, I just panicked myself into a headache so I’m going to take a tablet and get back in bed.” “You sure, I don’t have to call a doctor or Massimo?” “You know Massimo is busy and no I don’t need a doctor. I’ll drink a painkiller and sleep a while I’m sure that will help.” “Okay Rachel but I’m going to work on my laptop in the lounge just scream if you need me.” “Thank you Marco.” I took a pain killer and went to our room as soon as I closed the doors the tears started to roll. How am I going to get through this, do I really need to see a therapist? I really didn’t want to. With that thought and tears running down my cheeks I fell asleep.
Massimo
When I got home and found Marco in the lounge I knew something wasn’t right. “What’s going on Marco?” “Rachel had a panic attack, so I decided to sit here to make sure I hear her if she screams.” “Where is she know?” “She’s taking a nap the anxiety cause a headache.” “What happened?” “She wanted to walk to Starbucks, I asked her a few times if she was sure, but she insisted.” “Cazzo” “The first block she was scared and kept on looking over her shoulder the second block went better I told her there was no danger. But when we got back just in front of the building a big man accidentally bumped into her and that’s when it happened.” “Cazzo! Cazzo!” “Sorry boss she insisted. She made a good case for herself.” “I’m sure she did.” “She wants to start running next week after you went to the OBGYN.” “And what case did she made for herself about that?” “She needed to start and live her life again without being scared.” “I probable can’t argue with that.” “Probable not boss, I’m going back to the office.” “Thank you, Marco.” When Marco left, I went into the bedroom to check on Rachel, I saw immediately something wasn’t right.
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