He doesn't deserve me
Ella’s pov
Sadie’s question tore at my heart, and I felt the tears well up, spilling out despite my attempts to keep them in. There I was, crying in front of my daughter. Seeing her face crumple in response broke me even more.
“I’m so sorry, Mum,” Sadie whispered, her own tears glistening as she wiped mine away. This was the sight I never wanted to witness—my daughter crying, not because of her own sadness, but because of the pain I was revealing. She looked up at me with those pained eyes and said, “Mom, please stop. I don’t want to hear it again.” Her hands found my lap, rubbing it softly as if to soothe me.
But I shook my head, feeling the weight of years pressing down. “Sadie, please, let me finish. This isn’t easy for me, but it’s important for you to understand, to know the truth.” I took a shaky breath. “The origin of your birth, it caused me so much hurt. I brought it upon myself, but still…” I trailed off, gathering the strength to continue. “When I returned home, I tried to cover it all up, hiding everything despite my stepmother’s efforts to expose me. My father believed me—he trusted me deeply. But that didn’t stop me from hiding, from carrying the loss of my most precious gift as a woman.”
Sadie’s hand tightened on mine as I continued. “Six weeks later, I couldn’t hide it any longer. My pregnancy was evident. There was no way out. That’s when I lost my father’s support. His love… it just disappeared. I could still hear my stepmother’s words, cutting through everything. And in a moment, all the love my father had for me was gone. He even ordered me to leave the house.” The memory made my chest tighten, and I clutched Sadie’s hand for support.
“I remember it so clearly. I left that night. It was such a great shame for my dad. I was his only daughter, and I had disappointed him in the worst way. I cried my heart out that night. I left, losing my dad’s favor, my innocence, and the financial support I needed for college. I moved in with Grandma in another state, hiding out of shame. I couldn’t even face my friends or tell them the truth. I lost everyone. Including… him.”
“Sebastian?” Sadie whispered, and I nodded.
“Yes. His picture was on my wall… and I don’t even have his contact information anymore. Not being his girlfriend was one of my biggest regrets. If I had just agreed to be with him, he wouldn’t have brought his neighbor to the party as his date. He would have been by my side, and I wouldn’t have ended up talking to strangers, or worse. Maybe if he’d been there, even if we’d been together… I would have known the father of my child.” I paused, choking on the memory, shaking my head as I tried to shake off the pain.
Sadie’s grip on my hand didn’t loosen, and tears continued streaming down both our faces. We sat together, mother and daughter, both caught in a storm of emotions. And then, after a long silence, Sadie spoke up.
“So… does that mean… my father hurt you?” she asked and added, “Is that why you don’t want to look for him?”
I nodded slowly. “Yes, Sadie. I hate him for what he did to me, for changing my life forever. But even so, in the midst of all that pain, I still felt grateful for you. I’m thankful I didn’t go through with the abortion, even though there were moments… so many times when I thought about it. I could have gone home. I think that’s what my dad wanted, or at least my stepmother did. But I refused. I wasn’t going to lose everything.”
Sadie stared at me, her face resolute despite her tears. “Mum, you don’t have to look for him. He doesn’t deserve to meet me,” she said firmly, surprising me with the strength in her voice.
“Sadie, don’t say that. You have a right to know him,” I replied, my heart aching at the thought of keeping her from that part of her life, painful as it was.
But Sadie shook her head, wiping her tears away with a finality that left me speechless. “No, Mum. You’re both my mother and my father. I’m perfectly happy with just you. I don’t ever want him in my life. He doesn’t deserve the chance to see me.”
We sat there in silence, each of us trying to come to terms with the truth. But before we could say more, we heard Ben calling.
“Hey, love! Are you okay? You said you’d only be a minute, but it’s been nearly an hour.” His voice was soft, full of concern.
I looked at Sadie and nodded. “I’m okay,” I called back, though my voice was down. Ben had been so patient, waiting for me.
Sadie gave me a small smile, her sincerity cutting through the tension. “Go to him, Mum. I used to resent Ben, thinking he was the reason you weren’t interested in finding my father. But… I understand now.” Her eyes softened.
“Oh, sweetheart, no.” I pulled her into a hug, but her phone buzzed on the bed beside her, interrupting us. She reached for it and read the message, her face lighting up briefly before she glanced back at me.
“Go, Mum. Ben’s waiting for you. I’m fine, really,” she insisted, giving me a gentle nudge.
I nodded, standing up to leave her room. But halfway to the living room, I realized I’d left my phone on her nightstand. I went back to retrieve it, opening the door without thinking. Sadie looked up, quickly putting down her phone as if she’d been caught doing something secretive. My curiosity got the better of me.
“What are you reading?” I asked with a smile on my face. What is she hiding?
Sadie looked down, clearly flustered. “Oh, it’s nothing, just a text,” she mumbled, trying to evade my question.
I laughed softly, a mother’s instinct kicking in. “Who’s it from? I’d like to know who’s texting my girl. I just don’t want him breaking your heart the way… well, the way Leo did.” The name slipped out, and Sadie’s face softened as she remembered her first heartbreak.
“Oh, Mum.” She sighed, shaking her head, though a small smile touched her lips. “It’s okay. I’ll be careful, I promise.”
Leaving her room with my heart feeling lighter, I returned to Ben, who stood patiently in the living room. He looked up, relief filling his face as I approached. But my thoughts lingered on Sadie, on the girl who was wise beyond her years, who had forgiven me, loved me, and chosen to stand by me without question. For the first time in years, I felt like we both had a chance to start anew.
Log in with Google Account
Chapters
Favorite
Settings
