I couldn't control myself again
Sadie's pov
Why do I lose myself whenever I see anything related to Justin? Just a message from him and my legs, fingertips and heart would start trembling. I used to think that once I had made love with him for once, it would be over, but it seemed like it was just the beginning of my feelings for him. The next day, after Justin and I slept together, it became a struggle. Everyone seemed interested in knowing who I had been with. My mom, on one end, wanted to know about my new man. She even wanted to read Justin's apology letter if my new assumed boyfriend had broken my trust and love. She was so curious about it that I had to make up a story that wasn't true, and she still had her eyes on me before she left with her boyfriend.
I could recall Daisy calling me again after I mistook her for her dad and spoke angrily to her on the phone.
"Sadie, how was it? Isn't he the one?" Daisy asked.
"Daisy, please, no. He's not the one," I replied. I didn't understand why Daisy started laughing when she asked,
"How does your relationship with your new man affect your coming back to my city?"
I was still trying to figure out what to say to her when she added,
"Sadie, it's an opportunity. My dad is in your city. I just forgot to tell you. Please, come with me. I don't think he'll be happy if he doesn't see you at his house party and moreover, you have promised him you will go on a date with Eric."
"I'm not coming for now," I slowly laid these words into his ear.
"Why?" she asked, and that's when I felt like my lips were sealed. How could I tell her that I couldn't bear to lay my eyes on her dad anymore? The only way to keep those feelings at bay was to avoid seeing him altogether, and if our eyes were to meet, I knew I would fall for him again. Daisy, unaware of what I was going through, thought everything could be handled by me. She playfully said,
"I'm going to send my dad your house address. He'll come and pick you up so you can fulfill your promise. If the new guy didn't meet your expectations, why not come here and go out with Eric?" She waited for my response, and when I didn't say anything, she added,
"My dad is coming to your house this evening. He said he'll be here on Monday."
"Please don't give your dad my house address. Please," I pleaded.
"Why? Have you forgotten, your clothes are here," she said.
"I'll come and get them when I'm ready. I have other clothes here," I replied.
"Let me tell you a secret, and I shouldn't keep you in the dark. My dad has been asking for your house address. I was surprised when he said he stopped in your city to see a special old friend. I need your permission to give it to him. Wait, did I say I need your permission? No... I've already given it to him. This is an opportunity to show my dad around your town. He loves such a thing. It makes him happy," Daisy said with a rising voice and then, from the background, I heard…
"Sweetheart, I've been waiting for you," Douglas' voice came through the phone.
"Go and see your boyfriend. Bye, bye!" I intentionally ended the call.
I've been cooped up indoors since I returned from that hotel, and I remember my mum insisting that I have breakfast before she and Ben left the house again.
"Please don't do that," I muttered as I hit my legs against the bed, thinking about Daisy giving her dad my house address.
I didn't know where to focus my mind. Whenever I looked in the mirror, it felt like Justin was standing behind me. Every time my own hand touched my body, it was as if Justin's touch. It became especially difficult when I was taking a bath. I couldn't even caress my body after washing with soap and a sponge without it reminding me of Justin's hands. Each touch was a reminder of his presence.
It was clear—I was already in love with this man. I know it goes against my conscience, but my feelings are pulling me towards him. I couldn't lie to myself. Sometimes, I could still feel his touch in my intimate area. The nervous excitement lingered in my mind uncontrollably. Sometimes I wondered if it was because it was my first time, but that wasn't the case. I have had sex before. Even when I touched a solid object, I immediately remembered the hardness of Justin's body when he was reaching climax. It seemed pleasurable, as if his entire body should enter mine, and he exerted more energy on me. All these random things triggered memories of my encounter with Justin.
Around 4 pm, I received a call from my mom.
"Hi mom..." I greeted with a smile.
"How are you doing right now, Sadie? I have been thinking about you."
"I'm fine," I replied.
"I don't think I'll come home today. I'll be spending the night at Ben's place."
"Hmm… again?” I exclaimed.
"Please don't tell me you can't sleep alone in the house. I've already promised Ben. Please, I hope you're not angry.”
But I tried to pretend that everything was fine, and then a thought came into my mind.
"Mom, I'm thinking about something different, and it's been weighing on me recently since I came back."
"What is it, Sadie?" I could tell from her tone of voice that she cares a lot about me.
"Why can't you just settle down with Ben? The idea of loving someone and..."
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