Chapter 196- Smoke and Silence
Tarria
The camp was alive with motion, but around me, everything felt muted. I could hear warriors shouting orders, the clatter of supplies being moved, the rasp of steel being sharpened for the next fight—but it all seemed far away, as if I stood on the edge of two worlds. One real, one not.
The real one was here, with the alliance pushing forward, rebuilding strength, rallying after Adrian’s downfall. The other was inside me, a dark and shifting place, coiled tight with smoke that never quite dispersed.
My hand flexed, and tendrils of it curled lazily between my fingers before dissolving into the night air. I still wasn’t used to it—this power that had erupted from me like a storm I hadn’t asked for. It wasn’t the subtle, careful control I once believed I had. It was raw, alive, hungry.
And it had killed Kael.
I swallowed hard, my throat dry. His face still lingered in my mind, twisted in that final moment when the smoke enveloped him, when he realized too late that I was not the weak shadow he thought me to be. My power had swallowed his light and left nothing.
I had wanted revenge. I had wanted to protect Lexy, to protect what we were building. But when the smoke struck, when his body stilled under its weight, there had been no triumph. Only silence.
Only the memory of his eyes fading.
I drew in a shaky breath, pulling my cloak tighter around my shoulders. The night was cool, but it wasn’t the cold that made me tremble.
After the conference, I had slipped away from the gathering before anyone could notice how unsteady I was. I couldn’t bear their eyes—eyes that might see me as a weapon now, as something to wield. Or worse, eyes that might look at me with fear.
I didn’t even know how to look at myself.
The smoke swirled faintly around me again, reacting to my unease. It was as if it had a mind of its own, tethered to every thought I tried to bury. I clenched my fists until the tendrils faded.
“I didn’t want this,” I whispered to no one.
But a small, cruel voice in my head whispered back: Didn’t you?
Hadn’t I always wanted to be more than just a scout, more than just another wolf in the ranks? Hadn’t I envied Lexy’s fire, CJ’s bond with Xazul? Hadn’t I wanted my power to mean something?
And now it did.
It had ended Kael.
I found myself walking, my feet carrying me to the edge of the battlefield without thought. The ground here was still scarred, blackened by flames, pitted where claws and power had clashed. Ash drifted faintly on the wind, clinging to my boots as I stepped into the quiet.
I stopped where it had happened. Where I had unleashed everything.
The memory struck sharp—the roar of chaos, Kael’s sneer, my own fury spilling over as smoke surged from me in a wave that was unstoppable. I had felt it burn through my veins, choking the air, blotting out everything until there was only me and him.
And then… nothing.
I sank to my knees, pressing a hand against the ground. My breath hitched, and before I could stop it, the tears came. Silent, hot, unwelcome.
“I killed him,” I whispered to the earth. Saying it out loud made it real. “I killed him with my own hand.”
I had always thought killing would feel different. Cleaner, maybe. Righteous. He had been a traitor, a monster who had caused so much pain. I should have felt relief.
But all I felt was heavy. Heavy with smoke. Heavy with guilt. Heavy with the knowledge that I couldn’t go back to who I was before.
“Kael would have done the same to you,” a voice said behind me.
I stiffened, turning quickly, though I already recognized the calm weight in those words. Lexy stood a few paces away, her fire a soft glow around her even in stillness. She didn’t approach immediately—she gave me space, watching me with those sharp, understanding eyes.
I wiped at my face quickly, though it was pointless. “I didn’t hear you coming.”
“You were lost in your thoughts,” she said gently, stepping closer now. “I know the look.”
I laughed bitterly. “Do you? Do you know what it feels like to take a life like that? To feel something inside you… take control?”
Lexy’s eyes softened. “Yes, Tarria. I do.”
Her answer hit me harder than I expected. She knelt beside me, her hand brushing lightly against the ash. “I know what it’s like to unleash power you didn’t think you could control. To watch someone fall because of it. It doesn’t matter that they deserved it. The weight is still there.”
I turned away, choking back another sob. “I can’t stop seeing his face.”
“You will,” she said softly. “Not because you’ll forget, but because you’ll learn to carry it. That’s what power does—it changes us. But it doesn’t have to break us.”
Her words sank deep, but the smoke inside me still churned, restless.
“What if it breaks me anyway?” I whispered.
Lexy reached out, her hand firm on my shoulder. “Then you let us help you. You’re not alone, Tarria. You never were.”
For the first time since it happened, I let myself believe her.
Later that night, I returned to my room. The shadows inside greeted me like old friends, but they no longer felt suffocating. I sat cross-legged on the floor, letting the smoke pool faintly around me. For once, I didn’t fight it.
It was part of me now—dark, dangerous, but mine. Kael’s death had stained it, yes, but it wasn’t only death. It was protection. It was survival.
It was a burden I would carry.
Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply, letting the smoke rise and fall with my breath. Each inhale steadied me. Each exhale loosened the knot of guilt, if only slightly.
I wasn’t healed. I wasn’t sure I ever would be. But I was still here. And I had chosen Lexy, chosen the alliance, chose to fight for something greater than my fear.
The smoke swirled in response, curling gently before fading back into me. I opened my eyes to the silence of the night, and for the first time since the battle, I didn’t feel like I was drowning.
Kael was gone.
But I was still standing.
And I would not let this power destroy me.
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