Chapter 208- Journey of Enlightenment
Tarria
The meadow had always felt like Lexy’s domain, not mine. It was a place of light, a place where fire could dance without fear of smothering. I had always thought my smoke would feel out of place here, curling heavy and strange against the bright grass and golden horizon. But when Lexy asked me to join her and the children tonight, I couldn’t say no.
Not to her. Not to them.
Still, I was hesitant. The triplets had already learned so much, their bond with their mother a thing of brilliance and awe. What was I compared to that? Just a girl who carried darkness she never asked for, who had lost too much, who had stood between Kael’s destruction and her own heart and watched him fall. His death clung to me like ash on my skin. I told myself I had made peace with it, but deep down, I hadn’t.
I didn’t think I ever could.
When I sat in the circle with them, my hands resting awkwardly on my knees, I felt like a shadow trespassing on light. But Lexy’s voice was calm, steady, and the children welcomed me without hesitation, as if they’d been waiting for this moment all along. Their trust was a weight and a gift at once.
I closed my eyes.
At first, there was nothing but the usual hum of my own smoke, restless and unsure. I tried to keep it close, small, so it wouldn’t spill out and drown the fire that the children carried. But Lexy’s flame brushed against it—gentle, insistent. She didn’t retreat. She didn’t fear it.
Show me who you are, her presence whispered in my mind, though her lips never moved.
The smoke shifted, trembling. I had kept it hidden for so long, believing it was nothing but a curse, a reminder of Kael’s influence and everything I had endured. But at that moment, something within me loosened. The smoke unfurled, spreading through the circle. And instead of smothering, it embraced. Instead of destroying, it shaped.
I gasped quietly, realization sparking in my chest like a lantern lit for the first time.
The children didn’t draw back. They laughed, their fire dancing happily within the shelter of my smoke, as if it belonged there all along. Lexy’s flame rose higher, steadier, as though my presence gave it form. For the first time, I didn’t feel like an intruder. I felt necessary.
Then the meadow shifted.
The air grew thick with power, humming through the ground, through the marrow of my bones. My smoke stilled, as if waiting. The children’s eyes widened, their flames rising tall, bright as stars. Above us, the sky split open with light.
I looked up—and saw her.
Wings of fire stretched across the heavens, each feather a blaze of living flame. Her body shone brighter than the sun yet softer than moonlight, impossible to look away from. Heat rolled across the meadow, but it was not a burning heat. It was cleansing, like standing in a storm of warmth that stripped away everything false and left only truth.
Abellona. The Great Phoenix.
I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. All I could do was tremble beneath her gaze, feeling as though she could see every corner of me, every scar, every doubt, every hidden piece I had tried to bury.
Her voice entered me, not as sound, but as resonance. It filled my chest, shaking loose the walls I had built around myself.
Tarria.
My name on her tongue was like fire and wind, smoke and shadow, all woven into one. My eyes stung with tears.
“You… you know me,” I whispered, though I hadn’t spoken aloud.
I have always known you, Abellona’s voice replied, warm and infinite. Child of shadow, you were never meant to carry your gift as a burden. You were meant to be balance. Smoke does not destroy fire. It gives it shape; it tempers its fury, it shields what must endure. Without shadow, flame consumes. Without flame, shadow suffocates. Together, they become something greater.
Her words struck through me like lightning. I had never thought of myself that way. All this time, I believed I had been marked by Kael, shaped by his darkness, doomed to carry it forever. But Abellona’s gaze told me otherwise. My smoke was not his. It was mine.
Her voice softened, but its weight was undeniable.
You grieve Kael still. You carry his death as though it were your fault, as though you were not forced to stand against him when he chose ruin. Release him, child. His path ended with his own hand, not yours. You must stop looking back at the ash and begin walking into the firelight ahead. Let go, and you will see who you were always meant to be.
I broke then. The tears I had refused to shed for so long spilled hot down my face, each one loosening the iron grip around my chest.
Kael’s face rose in my mind—the boy I had once trusted, the man who had become twisted by ambition and fury. His death had felt like a chain around my throat, like I had betrayed him even when I had only done what was necessary.
But now, as Abellona’s fire bathed me, I saw him clearly. I knew him as a child and had forgotten him. But Abellona reminded me that he had chosen his fate. His end was not my sin to carry. My smoke was not his shadow.
For the first time, I let him go.
The ache did not vanish, but it changed. It became lighter, no longer chains but memory. I breathed deep, my smoke curling upward, free of weight, free of shame. It mingled with the children’s flames, swirling with Lexy’s fire, rising toward Abellona’s wings in offering.
The Phoenix’s eyes softened, and I felt her pride wash over me like sunlight breaking a storm.
You are not broken, Tarria. You are becoming.
The words rooted themselves deep in me, unshakable. My heart steadied. My mind cleared. For the first time since Kael’s death, I felt whole.
I bowed my head, not in shame, but in reverence. “Thank you,” I whispered, my voice trembling but strong.
The Phoenix’s wings stretched wide, her body blazing against the night. Rise in your truth, she said. For the days ahead will demand it.
And then she was gone—dissolving into a rain of sparks that drifted across the meadow, settling on our skin like blessings. The children laughed in wonder, chasing the sparks with outstretched hands. Lexy’s eyes shone brightly, fixed on me, though she said nothing. She didn’t have to. She knew what this meant.
I wiped my tears, though I felt no shame for them. My smoke hovered steadily around me, no longer a cage but a cloak. I inhaled, exhaled, and for the first time in a long time, I believed in myself.
Abellona had seen me. Named me. Freed me.
And I would never carry Kael’s death as my burden again.
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