Chapter 169
Logan's POV
I look at the mirror one more time, watching my reflection. I have dreamt of this day when I would be dressed in a tailored suit, having that smile brushed on my face because I am going to finally have the woman, that I love but I know that it's just my fantasy, that will never come to reality. I wasn't born to dream but to live each day as it comes because tomorrow is not promising.
"Alpha, are you ready?" I heard my beta's voice behind the closed door.
"Almost, I will be out in a minute."
"Fine, I will wait on the down floor." I didn't reply to my beta, I wished I wouldn't go through this but I don't have a choice, I have to do this, for the Pack, for my people, none of this is for myself. I smirked at my last words, "myself," that word didn't exist for me. I was born to serve the pack, not the other way round, I told Katerina yesterday that I was going to do this, and I am not backing out.
'Do we have to do this?' my wolf whimpered in my head.
'Yes, we have to and this is what we must do. This is what is best for the Pack.'
'What about us? What about what is best for us?'
'There is no us.' I murmured before I walked towards the door, I pulled the door knob, only to find my beta standing there. I thought he told me that he would be downstairs. I parted my lips to say something, he was already stretching my phone to me. "What will I do with this?"
"Austin told me that you were searching for it last night, you left it at the boulder."
"Oh..." That was all I said before I grabbed it from him and slipped it into my back pocket.
"Don't you want to call Akira?" I stopped in my tracks without tilting my head to him. "Isn't that what you wanted to do last night." I swallow hard still not looking at him. "You know, she had been texting and calling, I guess you should call her."
"Meredith..." I called softly but I couldn't even find another word to use.
"Alpha, I am sorry but I know, you still love Akira with or without the bond..."
"I don't love her anymore we break up and I am happy with Katerina." He let out a mocking laughter.
"Love? Did I hear you say love? Who loves someone and gets drunk on the night of his union and as drunk as you are, you couldn't even bring yourself to touch the woman you claimed you love." I swallow hard, I was drunk last night and I know what that shit does to me if I don't bury myself inside a female.
I turned and looked at him, confused if I rejected Katerina while am I still conscious.
"Yeah, you wank all night while moaning Akira's name." I let out a long, shuddering breath before I turned taking a step.
"You know, it doesn't have to be your duty all the time..."
"Meredith stops, please not now, don't make me drown in self-pity, I don't want to think about that shit, I know I love Akira, but I love the..." I paused.
"More? You love the Pack more than her? Have you seen yourself lately, you are becoming the shadow of yourself."
"... Because I am dying," I growl, and he shakes his head.
"No, it's because you are losing the one, you love and couldn't stop loving. Logan, this is me talking to you as a friend not as your beta, as much as I hate to see you turn your back on the Pack, I also hate to see you turn your back on yourself, I don't want to watch my brother and friend, drown in this self-pity.”
I laughed dryly. “What else is there to do?”
Meredith studied me for a moment before shaking his head. “You have a choice, Logan. You can either wallow in this misery or change everything, you could claim Akira and still be the alpha everyone wants you to be."
"And leave them without an heir? When I am gone who will be their Alpha? And Akira? What would be left of her? I will leave my eighteen years to mate a window? No, that's not the life, I want for the woman, I love..." I pin my lips and shut my eyes when I said the last part.
"So you admit you love her." Meredith's voice came up.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I didn't throw an eye on my beta before I talked the remaining stairs, but that didn't stop my mind from wandering to Akira, the reason, she was calling and texting.
'open the damn phone and check.' My Wolf whimpered on my head. I shake my head, that will be a distraction. I murmured in my head, yet my hand had already slipped into my back pocket to reach for my phone.
"Logan..." Riley called appearing from one of the rooms on the third floor. I slipped my phone onto my pack before turning in his direction. "Why are you using the stairway?" I look it, and that was when I realized that I was supposed to take the elevator by my left immediately I took those few steps but I was so absent-minded. I parted my lips to say something, and his voice came up again. "are you planning on bailing out on the union?" I twitch my lips not giving an answer to his questions, ignoring him to continue, "You know, you don't have to marry Katerina, you could always denounce the Pack and resign as the alpha of the pack, that way you could be free..." I didn't hear the rest of his words, denounce the pack, resign as the Alpha. Those were the words playing on my head, as I walked down the stairs.
I wanted to turn around when I heard Uncle Lucas and Mother's voices, "Isn't my son as handsome male?" Mother said as she took two big strides towards me and pulled my hand, and my uncle's scent oozed off her, my brows furrowed.
"Mother, why are you..."
"We are getting late. We need to leave." She interrupted me.
"Sure..." I said giving a tight smile. It didn't take long before we arrived at the clearing, I stood under the full moon, waiting for my mate. My hands clenched at my sides, my pulse thundering in my ear and my head was aching badly, my wolf Thunder wasn't letting me breathe. "I am going through with this," I reassured myself but doubt was coiling in my chest. I watched Alpha Morgan walk his daughter into the clearing, she stood in front of me.
Her eyes brimming with expectation, but I couldn't shake the internal turmoil building me. The elder took his place in front of us, I could hear the murmuring, probably they felt sorry for me.
My mind raced. Was this what I truly wanted? Could I give the Pack what they wanted? Did I want this for my unborn pup? Live for just twenty years and die? Give an heir that will suffer the same fate and just like that? I felt trapped between duty and desire, between the past that haunted me and the future I couldn’t quite see. Katerina reached for my hand, her touch warm, steady but I felt disgusted. She caresses my arms, I should feel reassured, but instead, a sharp pang of hesitation gripped him. One word, just one, could change everything. Yet, I stood there like a wood before her voice came up again.
"Logan what are you waiting for, everyone is staring, answer the question." It was then I realized that the elder had asked a question, that I had no idea of and I didn't want to. "Logan..."
"I am sorry, I can't do this, I can't continue with this union."
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