Chapter 093
Logan's POV
"I want to see it if it is not going to hurt me," my lips hang before I shake my head, I didn't expect that request from her. Her words had left me shocked and I was studying her expression, I couldn't even read her. I couldn't tell if she despised me, all I heard was that she wanted to see Thunder my wolf. "go on, do we have to get out of here first before you can do it, I want to see everything," she said
"Not today Akira, I can't show you today,'" I murmured, I know I can't shift, Thunder is too weak to shift, if I tried to force him out, then I would end up unconscious for days, I can't risk it, my wolf is still in a bad position.
"Why? Is he going to hurt me?"
"No, you have seen him before, and he didn't hurt you, so he is never going to hurt you,"
"Then why can't you shift? I am not going to freak out, I just want to see him, everything about him, I want to know his name, and..."
"His name is Thunder but I can't shift..."
Is there something wrong?"
"It's just that, Thunder is..." I shut my lips almost immediately.
"Wolfie, if he is not going to hurt me, then what is the reason, you not letting it out, I don't understand why you don't want to let it out?" she said, her voice trembling slightly despite her attempt to sound firm. "You just said it's part of you and I watch you shift from your human form to your wolf form and then back to your human form, so it should be easy for you,"
I shifted uncomfortably from the bed, my eyes darting away from her, focusing on anything in the room but not on Akira, "I know, Akira, he is part of me. But... I can't do it today."
Akira hugged her legs but her eyes not leaving me. "Why not? What's stopping you? It's not difficult to do that, I saw it, the transformation was in a blink, I want to see him,"
I swallowed hard, my throat tight with the words I wanted to say but couldn’t bring myself to voice it. How could I tell her? How could I explain that my wolf, the other part of me, is dying slowly? Every day that passes, Thunder is growing weaker, and that includes me, growing weaker as well and close to my death, next year, I will no longer be here, I must have been gone and forgotten. Because I am dying, we can't be together, I needed a breeder, not love, not this rollercoaster I am riding and hoping I wasn't going to throw up after everything.
Thunder whimpered in my head, for me to tell her, I couldn't. Not when she is just getting to know me. Not when she might be probably having a second thought about us.
"I just can't," I said, my voice barely above a whisper
"That's not an answer, Wolfie, I want to see it. I want to know what I am getting into, and if you are not showing me, you should give me a valid reason for that. If there's something wrong, you need to tell me. You can trust me."
I looked at her but in a blink, I averted my gaze, I couldn't even stare at her for so long, all I could do was shake my head.
"It's nothing, Akira," I lied. "I'm just... tired."
Her brow furrowed, suspicion clouding her features. "Tired? Wolfie, I am not stupid, from those book Vida gave to me, werewolves don't get tired, they are strong, so if you are one, you will never get tired, don't play me for a fool."
I wanted to tell her. I wanted to hold her hands, fall to my knees, and admit everything that, I am a dying werewolf and that there was no Future for me, but I was terrified of what that meant. The fear of losing her was stronger. First, I was scared that she might not accept me as a wolf now, I was scared that she might be heartbroken when she found out, I was dying, I couldn’t bear the thought of her looking at me with pity or, worse, with the same terror I saw in her eyes when she noticed that I am a wolf.
"Wolfie..." She yelled I know she is getting aggregated. I swallow hard, forcing a smile, "I'm fine, my Luna. There is nothing wrong my wolf, I just can't shift today and I am sorry that I marked you without letting you know who I am. If you don't want the mark on your neck, you could let me know..."
"Is there a way, you could take it off?" She asked suddenly, her eyes searching my face, I nodded to her, what is it?" She asked, this time my heart squeeze, she wanted the mark off her neck, maybe, it was for the best. "Wolfie, you don't want to tell me that too? What more lies are you keeping from..." she started, but I cut her off.
"Please, Akira, I am not," I said, my voice cracking and pain reek my heart. "Just this once, trust me. I'll make it up to you. I promise, I am not going to keep a secret from you, but I can't shift."
I saw her gnaw her lips, and the urge to push further to get her answer was there but she shook her head, "Fine, I am not going to ask you to shift but can you tell me, how the mark on my neck could fade away?"
"Do you want the mark gone? You don't love me anymore?" I asked and she averted her gaze, "C'mon Akira please look at me, tell me, you don't want the mark anymore because I am a werewolf?" She fell her face on her palm, "please tell me Akira, if you want me to give you space, if you want to break up with me and you don't want to see again, just tell me," I said moving closer to her and my palm touch her forearms, she shakes her body and I drop my hand.
"I don't know, Wolfie, I want to stop loving you, I want to push you away but I don't think I can because I love you, and I am going to miss you but I know we can't be together, I don't want anything to do with wolves. After finding out that you are a wolf, I was supposed to hate you, push you away, those wolves almost killed me, wait." Her hand went to her lips, "Your girlfriend is a wolf, is she the one that attacked me?" I shake my head, I don't know, I don't think Alpha Morgan will do that. "She is your girlfriend, you will defend her," I raised my head and looked at her, I could see the anger in her. "Wolfie, maybe, you should leave, I don't want to get hurt." Her words stabbed my heart, I parted my lips to speak. I wanted to tell her that I was not going to hurt her but my body was aching, my wounds were opening again, those openings in my skin, left by the rogue wolves and those wolves that attacked Akira. "Wolfie..." Akira called suddenly I wanted to turn to her but I didn't have the power to turn, I was fading away, "you are bleeding."
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