Chapter 183

Logan's POV
It was already late in the night but the party had just started, the little friends we invited were already gone, just left with close friends that had turned to family and Akira's family, her mother, and Grandpa didn't want to leave yet. 
They seem to be finding it difficult to let go of their little girl, and when we think the party is coming to an end, it's just getting started. 
Akira's stepmother and father didn't attend the party, I don't even think they knew just as I didn't want to inform my mother and uncle, so was Akira, she didn't want to invite those two. After the vows and the passionate kiss, I wanted the party to end so I could rest but I couldn't let my little rose, union end like some sad funeral, so when she asked that we dance, I gave in and I didn't complain. She was dancing and twirling in my arms. 
Akira had always been the energetic type, it seems recognizing her power makes how more of a handful and this is kind of contagious. "Akira..." I heard Vida's voice from the other side of the garden, and I knew she wanted to dance with Akira and the rest of the family without hesitation, she pressed a soft kiss on my lips and excused herself. 
I smirked as I grabbed a non-alcoholic wine, and moved to the other side of the garage, where the ceremony was held standing in a direction where I could see my mate. 
As I watched her, I could see the excitement on her face, as she showed the diamond ring I got her, she was happy with it and I could feel she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me but unfortunately, I do not have that forever. It crushed my heart that soon, I would be gone and leaving my baby all alone, I wondered if she would be able to survive it without me. 
My eyes squint as they fall on her tummy, I wish it was a girl, that way the pain will end with me and only me. 
Before I knew it tears were already trailing down my cheeks, "care to share your thoughts..." I hear footsteps and voices, I swallow hard and wipe my tears before I tilt my body slightly and look at the ones with those footsteps. 
"Just thinking, nothing serious..." I said raising my glass and pulling it to my lips. 
"It's not bad to think but it's bad to wallow in self-pity..." Austin said. 
"I am not wallowing in self-pity just scared of the life that awaits my mate and pup..." I take a deep breath. "I am scared, yes, I wanted the pup and my mate. But isn't I being selfish, and being unfair to my pup for wanting another pup from me to suffer the same cruel fate as me? Another son to born into this pain. Every day, since I found out that Akira is carrying a pup, I wish it's a female, because I want this to end with me, and me wishing it end with me, is me wishing not to have a son. But I badly wanted that little thing growing inside of her and the fucking thing, I wouldn't even be here when the pup arrive, I wouldn't even know if it's a female or a male."
"We can never decide our fate or choose the kind of pup to be born..."
"That is the painful thing, did you know when I had my first attack? I couldn't even move my limbs, I couldn't feel my body and this mark on my chest spread too fast, like wildfire. The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt in my sixteen years on Earth. It gnawed at my bones, burning beneath my skin like fire and ice. My bones ached so badly like it was being crushed with a metal. My wolf went silent for days. I couldn't shift without my inside feeling like it was going to explode." My eyes were already crowded with tears, I didn't tell anyone about my first experience up until this day. "At first, I ignore it. I told myself I could take it, it's nothing worse than a wolfsbane, but as the day faded away and darkness came crawling, I could no longer pretend, I pleaded for mercy. My knees dripped to the floor, and gasping as pain ripped my entire being, my claws couldn't even dig into the earth, and my strength was slipping away. I tried to shift, but my wolf whimpered in my head like a lost pup. I was dying slowly and every day. Now you understand, the reason, I wanted a female pup or even nothing at all. I would die every day, if I found out, that it's a son and he is going to suffer just like me. Face with pain, passing out now and then, being faced with uncertainty and the reality that on his twentieth birthday, he will be gone." I inhale deeply because I can’t hold back the tears streaming from my eyes, remembering the pains of the past and the ones yet to come, "don't you think a female could be the best? For Akira, for the female I love."
"We know, we understand, it as always be painful and you are a fighter, it would not be selfish on your part if you wanted a pup but you know, everything in life is risky but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take risk." Austin's arms fall on my shoulder trying to reassure me. 
"What about my pup and Akira?" They look at me lost. "what will happen to them when I am gone?"
"Logan..." Meredith called in frustration, his eyes were already welled with tears, Meredith had always been with me, we were much closer than Austin. "C'mon Logan, don't make me cry now, we have gone passed this conversation. You have Akira now, her blood..." I shake my head. 
"How long did you think her blood will sustain me? One year? Two years? C’mon, let's not try to deny the fact, that I am still sick and I am still going to die. It would happen one day."
"Let's try first, don't leave Akira like that, without trying, she might die, if you didn't fight to live."
My shoulder shook, as I finally broke down, those tears that I had been holding inside kept falling from my eyes, "you think I don't want to try? You think I don't want to jump at this opportunity but it's too fucking risky and yes, I am a coward, I couldn’t be strong for Akira. She should forgive me for being a coward."
"No, I don't see you as that, if there is any brave one among the three of us, it's you and you are the strongest alpha around here. Sometimes, you should give yourself some credit."
"But how can I when I am losing everything, including the most important thing in my life? I will be leaving Akira behind."
"Stop beating yourself, we will always be here for you and her when you are gone and your pup will have the best life ever and we make sure he knows how brave you are." Meredith threw his arms around me, as he too sobbed on my shoulder. 
"But I don't think that will be necessary because I know you would be here when the pup arrives but if ever it turned out the other way round, know that Meredith will not be the only father to your pup, I will be here, and the rest of the male in the pack will be here as well and you see that female standing beside her, wouldn't leave her side." I tilted my head in their direction before I averted it to Meredith, he had that beaming smile on his face and eyes, I couldn't help but feel guilty that I might one day hurt my beta if I decide to drink from Akira, my mate. 
"C'mon Logan, you are stronger than this, don't let the fear of tomorrow spoil the happiness of today. Your family had us and we are not going to abandon them." I inhaled deeply before I wiped my tears. 
"Thank you... I need to fix myself before Akira finds out..." Austin chuckled as I tried to act cheerful. 
"Shit... Now you are going to make me wish I had a mate, that will put me in a good mood when I am sad..." Meredith rolled his eyes at him. 
"Like you haven't found your mate." My eyes snapped to him. 
"Don't give this naughty man, a thought I haven't found..." Before his words could finish, I heard Akira's soothing voice. 
"Hey guys, can I borrow my mate." 
"Sure, he is dying to get laid," Meredith murmured and I glared at him, they didn't even wait for another word before they left us, Akira walked up to me, and stood on her toe, before pressing a soft kiss on my lips. 
"Is it true that you are dying to get laid?" My eyes bulged wanting to shake my head, she cupped my face and pressed a soft kiss on my lips. "I for one, am dying to get laid, it's a good thing we are thinking alike, because I am dying to scream out my lungs, and dig my fingers on your shoulder while you groan in pleasure."
“Akira…” I let out a groan. 
“Easy, we are still outside unless you want to give everyone a show.” I giggled at her words. 
“Who is spoiling you?”
“The big bad Alpha.” She murmured before she pulled me for a passionate kiss.