Chapter 171: Wave Of Despair
Chapter 171: Wave Of Despair
Elena
Bernard was gone when I finally woke up, it wasn't unusual; very far from it. He had duties he had to attend especially with the threat of our enemies still out there. Alpha Richard is dead but there was always going to be someone that wished revenge on us for what we had done. Even my own pack still had difficulty coexisting with Bernard's.
My family, my Pack, I was outcast by Richard and my parents killed, my life ruined. I knew my pack was loyal as much as they could be, given the circumstances. Their life here with us is far from what it was with Richard but it was still nowhere near the ideal. They were still segregated but it has been slowly getting better. Some of the wolves were mingling, hanging out but it is going to take some time before anything resembles normal again.
I stretched, my muscles sore and still asleep. They strained as I groaned and released the rest of my night off. Instinctively, my hand moved up to my stomach where there was a possibility that a pup was growing. The very thought had butterflies hatching in my chest and a forced giggle caught in my throat. We would be a family, Bernard, me, and our child. We could become stronger and our Pack as well. With this union, I am now the Luna of Bernard's Pack but also the leader of my own Pack. Together we ruled, our marriage and mating had sealed the deal. This way, if there truly was a pup inside me, both packs would forever be bonded.
I threw off the sheets and laughed, unable to hold down my excitement. This is exactly what I wanted, what we talked about after the wedding,w
what we wanted our future to be.
But as I stood up, the memory of his face, the crumpled features, and the simple shock and stress that lined his face when I told him about the possibility of being pregnant, he had me back on the edge of the matter where a heavy boulder weighed me down. My heart was tied up with an anchor and emotions tightened in my chest. He wasn't excited, hadn't even pretended to be. This was what we talked about yet he made it very clear that he wasn't ready. Had I been rushing things? Had I pushed too hard when we were talking about it?
No, I hadn't. Bernard wanted this as much as I did. Maybe he wasn't expecting it to happen soon but what else could be done? If I am pregnant, there is no other way around it, we would have the child. Bernard would grow to be happy and I know he would love the child as much as I already did. He is stressed about the territorial lines and the tensions between the mix of Packs. Of course, he was, that's why he is acting like this. That's why he reacted so horribly.
Before he comes back, I need to know for sure if I am really pregnant. I had been having these symptoms for a while, it should have been long enough to warrant a test, right? My menstruation was a week late and that should help with the result. I was lucky to have anticipated needing the test kits but I wasn't actually expecting to need them so soon. The memory of Bernard's reaction had my body as tight as a knot and my heart a bundle of angry thumps.
I had to dig through the bags underneath the bathroom sink and hide the test in the very recess of my bathroom supplies not wanting him to accidentally come upon it. I bought it a while back, intending to use it for a day like this. I knew we would begin trying soon but I wasn't expecting to have to use it so quickly or that tears would be blinding me as I tried to navigate my way through the cupboard. This is a good thing, this should be what we want, and we would be happy. My husband would come around.
I continued to repeat these phrases over and over inside my mind as I found the box and ripped it open. A tear escaped but I didn't even try to wipe it away before it landed on my hand. I had to know, I needed to know.
With no experience in this area, I read the instructions very carefully before opening the package and going through the steps. The box said to wait three minutes but no longer than ten minutes. So maybe if I waited just ten minutes, it would be an absolute answer?
The test had the cap back on firmly and was lying flat on the counter taunting me. No, I can't watch, I would be crazy if I stood there staring at the strip as the control line appeared. It won't help if I do nothing but stare down at it. So instead, I paced back and forth, side to side all over the bathroom. I almost tripped over the rug, my heart thundering to the point that I couldn't even hear my own thoughts. Shit, I hadn't even started a timer, I grabbed my phone and looked at the time, I still had five minutes more. I couldn't hold back the grunt that escaped my throat as I tossed my phone onto the counter as well, using every ounce of willpower not to look down at the strip.
I went back to pacing back and forth, side to side. My husband is going to be back soon and I had to be ready with an answer. Four minutes passed, and it was close enough. I sucked in a breath and even though it pounded in my head, I looked over the counter, hovering over the strip 'NEGATIVE."
The blood drained from my body, sucked into the test strip itself as my head spun and I toppled back against the wall. No matter how strong my willpower was, my walls came crashing down. There was no stopping the tears as they hit me over and over like a tidal wave getting ready for a tsunami. Through my pained sobs, I heard the door open and close to the house, he was back. I must have been out of my mind, no I wasn't myself.
As my entire body was pushed towards the back of my mind, anger took over. I watched like a bystander at my hand that wasn't my own but it was as I grabbed the strip and threw open the door, allowing it to slam against the wall. Bernard was standing in the hallway outside our room, his eyes wide and his body frozen. I could almost see my anger reflected in his eyes as my body stormed up to him. The wade of anguish that came from knowing the reality of it all was what caused me to throw the strip at him. He caught it with his graceful movement and the sight of him had nausea bubbling up.
"I hope you are happy!"
The statement was more like a scream that escaped my clutches, echoing against the narrow walls before I pivoted and ran back to the bedroom, slamming the door. He would try to ease me later, of course, he would. This is one reason I loved him but right now, I hated him, I hated myself and I hated the world.
All I had wanted was to be with Bernard, to have a Pack, to have a family, a family with my mate. Was that too much to ask? Had I possibly not been deserving of this? Now all I wanted was to be alone, wished I didn't have a mate or hadn't been found by the ground of Omegas. I wished I was still alone in the forest where I only had myself to rely on.
All that I had hoped for had come crashing down around me and I wasn't sure I could make it out the other side. A nauseating sickness filled my throat and burned its way through my chest. I could barely breathe without fear that I would throw up, it hadn't occurred to me how badly I had wanted this until it was taken away from me. My hopes and future dreams were crushed and stomped on. There was always next time but what if Bernard reacted the same? What if he had lied and never wanted kids?
The thought alone had my entire body going cold. A numbness began to take hold of the back of my neck and I wondered how I could get through this. If it was even possible to do so. Bernard's shocked and disappointed expression was all that I could see when I closed my eyes and that little line that proved I wasn't pregnant. A wave of despair washed over me once more.
What did my future hold?
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