Chapter 37: I Can't Lose You

Chapter thirty-seven: I Can't Lose You

Elena

"Where is Elena?" His voice sounded so distant but I heard it.

"Please, Jana, bring Elena to me." He is asking for me. Bernard, my mate, is looking for me.

A few minutes later, Jana came to the door with a smile on her face.

"Elena?" She called.

"He is asking for you." She added.

"Coming." I whispered as I took a few short steps to his room.

With each step I took towards the door, I felt my heart thump heavily in my chest. His scent wafted into my nose and my wolf began jumping. I crossed the threshold and walked into his room. He was lying in the bed with his head turned towards the door. His eyes instantly found mine and I felt like the wind was knocked right out of me. His forest green eyes were like a mesmerizing pool that was calling to me. I felt my nerves short circuit as the spark traveled all over my body.

"Elena." My name never sounded so beautiful coming from his lips. I wanted him to say my name again and never stopped.

"I will leave you two." I vaguely registered Jana's voice as she left the room and shut the door behind her.

A loud silence fell upon the room, we stared at each other, drinking each other in. He looked better since the last time I saw him, some colours had returned to his face and the scratch marks on his arms seemed to have healed nicely. He was still on drip but other than that, he looked perfectly healthy.

"How are you feeling?" My voice was barely above a whisper but it filled the whole room. He didn't respond for a moment, he just stared at me in a trance. He stretched his arm out to me.

"Come here." His voice came out soft and gentle. It sends surges of pure ecstasy throughout my entire body. My legs moved on their own accord towards my mate. I stretched my hand out and placed it into his.

His eyes moved from my face to our now connected hands. He threaded our fingers together and pulled me closer to the bed. Sparks fired from my hand and I instantly felt the last bit of chaos raging inside me.

"You are here." He whispered in disbelief and then looked at me as he stared into my eyes.

"You are here." He repeated and I nodded, squeezing his hand gently.

"Yes, I am here." I replied.

"I thought you might have run away again. I thought you had left….." His voice trailed off and I shook my head.

"I won't leave until you send me away. I will be right here, Bernard." The tension that was locked in his shoulder eased and I watched as relief took over his face. He reached his other hand and cupped my face, I leaned into his touch relishing in the warmth that it gave me.

"I will never send you away, Elena." His thumb brushed my cheek gently.

"I can't lose you, I would rather die than ever loosen you." His confession caught me off guard. So this was what shifted, I racked my brain trying to figure out why the mate pull felt so much stronger than it did before. I thought maybe it was just my acceptance that strengthened it but now, hearing his confession, I knew he had accepted me.

He may not have said the exact words but they were close enough. The joy I felt bubbled from, deep within me. I was wondering how I was going to fight for our love if Bernard didn't feel the same but I was wrong. He did care, I believe he cares so much about me but I wasn't in a rush to hear the words.

"I would rather die than lose you too." This was as close to telling him that I love you. I didn't know if his feelings were there yet and I didn't want to scare him away. A breathtaking smile formed on his face and he tugged my hand so that I would come onto the bed but I shook my head.

There was no way I was going to get onto his bed. He is still healing and I didn't want to hurt him. He tugged at my hand again but I refused which made him sigh.

"Elena, I want to hold you. Please come onto the bed." He tugged again but I refused.

"You are still healing, Bernard. I don't want to hurt you." I responded but he had the audacity to put on puppy dog eyes that had me feeling weak in the knees.

"What is hurting me is the fact that my mate refuses to come and cuddle me. Do I have to beg, Elena? Because I am not above it when it comes to you." I couldn't believe hearing those words from him. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my chest.

I loved how at ease he is with me now, it was refreshing from the constant serious and guarded man I had been experiencing since the day I had met him.

"What?" He smiled and I shrugged.

"Nothing, it is just that I have never seen you so at ease with me before." A look of guilt flashed over his face before he wiped it away. His eyes gazed into mine before he made up something in his hand and unthreaded our fingers. I whimpered at the loss of contact but then his arms came around me and he scooped me up. He brought me on top of him.

"Bernard." I squealed, looking up at him from where my head was placed. He gazed down at me, releasing one of his hands around me. He brought his other hand to caress my cheek and I leaned into his touch. I am getting used to the warmth that filled me whenever Bernard and I were close like this. He felt safe to me, he felt at home.

"This is so beautiful." I could feel his hot breath on my face.

"I can't believe I almost lost this, I almost lost us. This feeling is everything." I gulped.

He was talking about the incident, it was like the large elephant in the room that we were yet to address. The last time we had a proper conversation was when he passed out on me and that conversation had not been the most pleasant one. I cleared my throat.

"I am sorry for running away, Bernard. I know I have said it before but I just wanted you to hear it again. I never meant to put you in danger in any sort of way at all. You getting hurt was the last thing I wanted to happen, please forgive me." His lips tilted into a gentle smile.

"Elena, one thing I always want you to remember is that I will always come after you. There is no way I am just going to let you go and leave me behind like it was nothing. I….I care a lot about you." For a split second, I thought he was going to tell me that he loved me. It was a big step but it felt right. If he had told me that he loved me, I would have responded to it.

"When I leave this hospital and we get home, I am going to make up for the lost time. For all the time Iost when I was foolish enough to think that I could fight this pull." He gestured between the two of us with his other hand.

The intensity in his eyes had me feeling dizzy. Our breaths mingled together, our faces just inches apart. All I needed to do was learn forward and my lips would be connected to his. Then his words said we registered to me. I am not going back to that house, ever.

"I can't go back to your house, Bernard." And just like that, our trance was broken. He furrowed his brows as he looked at me in confusion.

"What do you mean?" I pushed myself up and off his bed, carefully not to hurt him. I stood beside his bed and bit down on my lips as I tried to organize my thoughts.

"Elena?" He called, I threw my hand up in the air in defeat.

"I can't go back to your house, Bernard. I am not welcome there."

"Don't be ridiculous, you are welcome in my house, Elena. It is your home, what is yours is mine, and what's mine is yours." I shook my head.

"I can't stay in your house, Bernard." I repeated.

"And why not? Do you not like the house? I can break it down and build whatever you want. We would have to move into the Packhouse for the time being although, there wouldn't be much privacy but….. "

"Bernard! You are not listening to me. I told you I can't live with you." I didn't allow him to finish his sentence.

"Why not?"

"You don't know why?" He furrowed his eyebrows and pushed himself up so he was sitting higher in his bed.

"No, actually I don't know why. We were mates, Elena. If you think this is some kind of big step, it is not. Mates move in together after a day of finding their mates. We are actually behind schedule right now." He uttered.