Chapter 176: Let It All Out
Chapter 176: Let It All Out
Elena
Depression is an emotion I was all too familiar with but I hadn't felt it in months now. Why would I? I have no reason to be sad. I had married the love of my life, I avenged my parents' death by killing their murderer and I had a pack that loved friends who were loyal to me. I had it all in the eyes of many.
That was possible until the possibility of carrying his pup came into the picture. I was a little anxious but I was also excited, I wanted to be a mother. I knew I had many roles to play already in my life but the one I wanted the most was the role of a mother.
It had been two days and I was filled with anxiety but also so much excitement and joy. I kept touching my flat stomach, wondering if there was a life inside me but then I was devastated remembering Bernard's reaction. Maybe it was my fault for expecting him to have a certain reaction. I remembered those agonizingly long minutes waiting for the pregnancy test results, they were the longest of my life and it broke my heart. I felt this emptiness take over me, the life that I had thought was growing inside me was not there and had never been there to begin with. As if I didn't need extra confirmation, my menstruation came out that very night.
My husband had tried to speak to me but I didn't want to talk to him, he had gotten what he wanted. He is happy but I was struggling to hold it together. I scheduled an appointment with one of the doctors because I didn't want Liam to do a fertility test on me. I knew Liam wouldn't share my medical information with anyone but Bernard is his Alpha and his best friend, I couldn't change it. The results came out this morning and everything was okay. I am fit to fall pregnant, so there was no barrier for me in terms of fertility. The only question was if Bernard wanted to try for a baby now as we had agreed at the wedding.
We had discussed it at length before the pregnancy scare but after that, we hadn't spoken about it again but I was avoiding him. I don't want to talk to him yet, the pain is still fresh and his words were still like daggers to my heart.
When Alisha told me that she was pregnant, I was happy for her but at the same time sad. I rejoiced for her but I mourned for myself, I wanted to be pregnant too. I wanted to grow a life inside me in the same way. I didn't tell her about my pregnancy scare or the emotions that I had felt because I didn't want to overshadow her moment. It was her time and I don't want to take it away from her. When she asked me to accompany her for her baby shopping, I said yes even though that was the last place I wanted to be and we were already at the mall.
"Oh my goodness," she gushed as she picked up a little onesie.
"Look how cute this is, he is going to look so adorable in this."
"He?" She patted her still flat stomach.
"I think it is a boy but Jack wants a girl. We don't want to find out the sex of the baby because we want to be a surprise."
"Why?" Looking at the rack of baby clothes.
"There are so few happy surprises in life and I wanted to experience one with this little one. I will be happy with either as long as they are happy and healthy." I nodded my head but didn't look at her.
It was killing me inside being here, I wanted to leave this place but I couldn't. I am going to support her in the same way she did for me.
"I didn't know that you and Jack were trying to have a baby, you never mentioned it before."
I was eyeing some of the onesies, imagining a little pup in them.
"We weren't, it just happened and came as a shock to both of us."
I turned around and faced her, she was looking at some of the baby accessories. I could even see in her eyes that this child had brought a new light to her. Jack had sparked something inside her but this baby brought a new level of sparkle to her aura.
"And he took it well?" She nodded, looking at me.
"He was shocked but happy. We always knew we wanted a family and life decided to speed up the process a little bit. Ever since he found out, he hasn't stopped smiling." I gulped and turned away.
That was the reaction I had wanted from my husband. I wanted him to be excited instead of having that look of dread on his face.
"Elena?" I gave her a quick glance over my shoulder.
"Yes,"
"Are you okay?" I plastered a fake smile on my face.
"Of course, why would you even ask that?"
"Because I can see it in your eyes." She walked over to me and stood beside me.
"You are smiling but it is not reaching your eyes. You know you can tell me what is going on, right?"
Every tear I had been holding back just decided to pool my eyes. I let out this broken sob and she wasted no time in gathering me into her arms. She held me and rubbed my back soothingly.
"What is going on?" She hugged me tight.
"You know you can tell me anything."
I pulled out from her hold and used the back of my hand to wipe away my tears. It was a good thing that I had decided to go without makeup today otherwise, I would have looked like some raccoon.
"I don't want to take away from you and this special moment you are going through right now. My problems can wait for another time." She took my hand into hers.
"No, they can't. We may not be blood related but you are my sister. I love you and protect you like you are my own. What hurts you also hurts me, so whatever you are going through you can tell me if you want to. I am always here and ready to listen to you." I sighed.
"I thought that I was pregnant but when I took the test, it turned out to be negative. I went for a fertility test and everything was normal."
"So, you are sad because you realized you weren't pregnant?"
"Yes and no," I sniffed.
"One of the major reasons why I am so upset is because Bernard and I aren't on the same page, we weren't reading the same book. He reacted badly to the possibility of me being pregnant."
"So, it was his reaction that is hurting you the most than you not being pregnant?" She squeezed my hands and I nodded.
"Firstly, I am so sorry that you have been going through this pain and I have just been dragging you to the baby shop again and again." I shook my head.
"Don't ever apologize for being excited about your child. This is a blessing and should be celebrated as one."
"Thank you but you also need my support just as much as I need yours. I know there is nothing that I can say that will make your pain go away but I just want you to know that I am here for you. I will walk with you hand in hand while you deal with all of this." Tears streamed down my face.
"I know that you and Bernard may not be seeing eye to eye right now but one thing I do know is that he loves you with his whole heart and soul. You are the literal air in his lungs, without you, he won't function. You two will get through this." She pulled me back into her arms again. I returned the hug as her words replayed in my mind.
She is right, Bernard and I would get through this because I had vowed that I would love him more than the bad days we would face. He is my everything and so I am. The pain would take a little more time to heal but I knew that once I am healed, I will be stronger like before again.
Bernard and I will talk about this again in the future and we will come back into alignment with one another.
Many had tried to break us and they didn't succeed and it would be the same story for this situation.
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