Chapter 38: Wait For Me
Chapter thirty-eight: Wait For Me
Elena
"Can I ask you a question, Bernard?"
"Anything, my dear." He responded.
"Have you told Helen that I am your mate and you can't marry her anymore?" He was silent, his forest green eyes staring into mine. His silence was an answer in itself. I knew he hadn't spoken to her because if he had, he would have answered my question.
"That is exactly the reason why I can't move in with you, Bernard. Helen is technically your mate and I am simply a rogue you showed mercy in the eyes of your people."
"But you aren't that to me, isn't that what matters, Elena?" I shook my head.
"Not where your Pack is concerned. Your mother already made it very clear that she doesn't like me and Helen is definitely not my biggest fan right now. What do you think would happen if the three of us lived together, Bernard?" A flash of anger plastered on her face at the mention of Helen and his mother. But as quickly as it came, it vanished. That was odd but I didn't question it, it was none of my business. He sighed, looking very exhausted over our conversation.
"Elena, I can't just break my oath. I have to go about this the right way or I could insight a war. Is that what you want?"
"No way, that is not what I want, Bernard but what do you expect me to do?" I walked to the large window that had the blinds drawn. The moon was still high in the sky and the night was in full swing. It was probably the earliest hours of the morning but I didn't feel tired at all. I felt wide awake.
"Wait for me." He said that behind me and I hung my head.
Wait for him? It was almost comical what he was asking of me. How did he expect me to wait for him while watching him mating with another woman who wasn't his mate?
"How would you feel if I had to pretend to love another man in front of you, Bernard?" I turned around to face him. I needed to make him see how unfair the situation was for me. He clenched his jaw and balled his hands at his sides but he remained silent.
"You see." I pointed to his fist.
"You won't like that, right? That is exactly how I feel when I think about you with Helen. It is how I felt when I saw her hold your hand like you belonged together, Bernard. I didn't like those feelings and I don't want to feel that way again."
"Elena?" His voice sounded almost pleading.
"I am doing the best I can for the time being. A lot has happened in the short span of two weeks, I never expected to find you nor did I think I would ever accept you. I had a plan in place way before you came into the picture. Marrying Helen would strengthen my Pack's hold and have her as my Luna. Then you came along." My heart was thundering in my chest, I was feeling an array of different emotions all at the same time. His words angered and saddened me, he is right. He did have a plan before I ever came into the picture, I couldn't just expect him to drop everything for me now that I arrived.
Not to mention, he is an Alpha and a powerful one at that. He had to be careful with how he handled things because one false move could mean disaster not only for himself but his Pack as well. But my feelings and needs also mattered in all of this.
"Bernard, I have been human for just some days now and I am still trying to navigate life. I have lived on my own as a wolf for nearly a decade, I need my independence. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet and I need you to understand that." A deafening silence fell over us as my words hung in the air.
"Come here." He held his hand out to me.
On instinct, I began walking towards him and placed my hand in his. Instantly, I felt that wave of peace wash over me. He threaded our fingers together and brought the back of my hand to his lips. His lips on my skin sent a frenzy of emotion throughout my entire body.
"I know what I am asking for is too much, my love but I need you to give me some time. Not a lot of time but just enough so I can sort out my issues with Ronald. He is a difficult man to deal with and telling him that I don't want to marry his daughter after so much had gone into the prep and agreement will not be an easy conversation. I have to go about it the right way." I nodded in understanding.
How could I dispute his words when all he said was the truth? I am not an Alpha but from what I knew, treaties and alliances were as good as gold in our world. With Helen, he would have gained more Pack members and Pack land but with me, he gained nothing. No power, no land, and no alliance.
"It won't be too long, my love. I can promise you that." He brought my hand to his lips again and kissed it.
This was the second time he called me 'my love.' The sentiment caused a flurry of butterflies in my stomach, I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. Time didn't exist when I was with this man, he made everything feel alright even though everything was falling apart at the seams. But none of that changed the fact that Helen was still living in his house. I couldn't be where she was, it would be uncontrollable for the both of us, more so me than her. I am sure if Helen got the chance, she would suffocate me with my pillow in my sleep. There was something off about her but I just didn't know what it is
"I still can't live in your house, Bernard." A small smile slipped from his face.
"I know, I am trying to place myself in your shoes, Elena, and see your point of view. It is just hard for me, seeing as you are my mate and I want to spend every waking moment with you."
"Helen is living with you and I am not comfortable with her being close to you. I will give you the time that you need but you can't ask me to endure watching you with her." He opened his mouth to argue his point but when he looked at my face, he saw how deathly serious I was. This is not a topic that I am going to be swayed on.
"I can find you a place within my house." He suggested, looking displeased but I shook my head.
"No, I don't want to live on the same premise with you, Bernard. I need to be on my own, I need to gain some form of independence back." I responded.
"Independence? What are you talking about, Elena? I never took away your independence."
"But you did." I smiled sadly.
"My every move is watched, I am told where I can go and cannot go. I depend on you solely and wholly, I have lost more of myself in these past few days here than I have in the past years I have lived as a rogue. But the ironic thing is that I have never felt more whole than when I am by your side. Strange, isn't it?" He squeezed my hand, drawing me closer to him until I was at the edge of his bed. He did try to pull me on top of him again, probably realizing that it was not the time.
"I didn't know you had been feeling that way." I rolled my eyes at him.
"How could you have known?" I rubbed a soothing circle in the back of his hand with my thumb. I am getting used to his touch and the peace it brought to me. I wondered if my touch did the same for him that he did for me.
"So, where will you go?" He looked down at our joined hands sadly. I wanted nothing more than to wipe away the sadness from his face but this is something that needed to be done.
"I was thinking about getting a job somewhere within the Pack lands. Gaining some of my independence back, I could then find somewhere to live for the time being. Liam told me about a lodge close to the Pack center, I was thinking maybe I could find a room there." He flicked up to meet mine with a scowl etched on his face.
"That is almost a fifteen-minute drive from my house. I need you closer than that, Elena. We will find you something else." I gave him an exasperated look.
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