Chapter 177: Saying Goodbye
Chapter 177: Saying Goodbye
Elena
Alisha is a great friend, one that I could rely on whenever I needed her and I am lucky in that regard, especially during this time. I had been keeping space between me and Bernard, I am not ready yet to confront the emotions at the forefront of my mind. They still wracked my body and caused exhaustion to drain my energy every time I caught a glimpse of my mate.
He was doing everything to ease my mind but it only brought to light how distant we truly had become. I knew that we would be okay in the end, I just wasn't quite sure how long it would take. I kept my distance and I wanted to make sure that I was healed so that my mind wouldn't constantly go back to blaming him every chance it got. It wasn't his fault, he wasn't ready nor was it mine for wanting a child so soon. It was simply bad timing for us and we weren't on the same wavelength. We needed some space before we came back together and tried to talk about it again, I knew that even though I was more understanding now, I would still end up getting angry at him and that wasn't fair to either of us.
My husband deserved a calm and understanding conversation, one fit for an Alpha and his Luna. We weren't children but this was not a small topic, it was something that would end up changing our lives for good. I cleared my throat and moved across our living room to the kitchen. Luckily, Bernard was still at work and I had some free time to sit and think about everything without the tension of having him at home. Although he wasn't forcing me to talk, it was still difficult to feel him so close physically, and yet our minds and hearts were so far away. I knew that it would be over soon but it was ripping off a band-aid.
A knock came at the door and I had to divert my attention towards the front door. I wasn't expecting any visitors yet the perks of being Luna meant I was needed constantly and with little to no choice. Before I could even reach for the door, it clicked and opened. Alisha barged in, almost taking me down to the ground.
"I am sorry, Elena."
We both steadied, my legs burning as I tried to hold up both of our weights. She pushed the door closed but it wasn't a strong push so the door remained open. She looked both exhausted and upset, there were bags under her eyes and a gauntness to her natural beauty. She shouldn't be neglecting herself, especially with a child on the way.
"Have you eaten today, Ali? You need to stay nourished for the baby."
I grabbed her wrist and tried to drag her into the kitchen but before we got more than a step, she pressed her feet firmly on the ground to stop us.
"What is it?"
I turned back to her but her brow was furrowed and she stared at the ground as though she were unsure of what to say.
"Alisha?"
"Elena, I am sorry. I didn't want to be the one to tell you but Veronica….she wants to talk to you.
I tried not to notice how my heart dropped at her words. I hadn't visited Veronica in a while because I had been so wrapped up in myself that I wasn't even paying attention to her. How could I be so selfish? Veronica is not young anymore and that fall had taken a lot out of her. I suppose I had assumed that because she was so strong and stubborn, she would quickly bounce back but that apparently wasn't the case.
"I need to go see her."
They were the only words that left my mouth but I had yet to move an inch. I simply stood there, staring at Alisha. I remembered the moment of my time with Veronica and how much she had taken care of me and had been a part of my life. She is one of the only people in the world that I truly care about. Bernard and Veronica were all I really had, I can't afford to lose her, not now I am having a hard time with Bernard.
Alisha nodded but waited until I was ready before she stepped back towards the cracked doorway. It took every inch of my willpower to release her wrist and allow her to lead me out of the house. I wasn't prepared for the day yet, I still had sweatpants on and a baggy t-shirt with my hair up in a crazy half-bun but my mind was elsewhere. Who cared if the Pack saw my unfit appearance? Veronica was what mattered right now, she was all that I could think about.
It felt like ages as Alisha led me through the town. I knew where Veronica was staying, of course, I did but I had to admit and berate myself. I knew she was there and I still hadn't visited, so I began to make excuses, I was too busy. Veronica deserved more respect than to be excused away, I should have visited her. I could have taken a few minutes out of my day to peep in and check how she was doing. I had to admit it had been a while since I even thought of her condition. If she had been healing enough, why was that such a dauntless task? Why was I so exhausted from my non-existent argument with Bernard that I couldn't visit her?
I don't want her to die yet, she had so much to live for. She had to see my children being born and raised to be the next Alpha. She had to care for them as she had done for me. If Veronica wasn't there to support me and the future of the Pack who would be? I didn't trust anyone with the potential training of my children as I would with her. She is trustworthy, a great mentor, and an exceptional woman.
As the building Veronica was staying in loomed up ahead, I dug my feet into the street and slowed my pace. Was I ready? How would she look? What if I had waited too long and it was already late?
"Elena," Alisha turned back and stopped in front of me.
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know if I can do it."
My voice came out as a whisper and I don't even know if it was my real voice. It sounded so foreign to me.
"Elena, she needs you. Veronica wanted to talk to you, she asked for you all night. I don't want to pressure you but I know you will regret it if you don't go see her now."
She is right, of course. I already regretted not seeing Veronica until now. If I waited and lost an opportunity to talk to her again, I wouldn't have been able to bear it.
"Do you want me to call Bernard?"
"No,"
I may have responded a bit too quickly but I wasn't sure I could stay composed with him there. My body was already boiling over with anguish and the anxiety of seeing Veronica. If I added Bernard to the mix, I wouldn't be able to keep my composure. I couldn't break down, not now, not like Luna.
"Okay," she nodded.
She didn't judge me, she never had. I wanted to smile, to thank her for her support but I couldn't muster the strength. My mind was filled to the brim with Veronica. I breathed in deeply and mustered every ounce of strength I could before I began to follow Alisha one more. It was as though we stepped into another world as we crossed the threshold of the house. It was a hospice center where a lot of the aged wolves were held or cared for.
We stopped as we approached what must be her room, Alisha paused with her hand on the doorknob and looked at me, she was waiting for my response to her that I was ready but what was truly difficult was when that door opened and I lay eyes on Veronica for the first time in what felt like years. My vision blurred and I thought I was going to faint, this was going to be goodbye.
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