Chapter 174: Child-lock

Chapter 174: Child-lock

Jasper

I threw my head back and downed the remainder of my drink. The cool liquor burned my throat as it traveled down to my stomach. When it all poled into my belly, the warmth spread from my abdomen pushing out to spend all over my body.

"Kelly," I called for the bartender.

"I want another one, please."

He gave me a look that read 'Haven't you had enough for today?' he was judging me but I didn't care. Screw what everyone else thought, I was a paying customer and he needed to get me what I wanted.

"Kelly, I am fine, I promise that this is the last one."

He took the empty glass from my hand and went to pour me some more grin. I was usually a bourbon man but I needed something grittier tonight. It wasn't that I was trying to drink her away because I knew that wasn't possible but I just wanted to numb the stupid throbbing in my chest. It was like she was everywhere I looked, every corner I turned. I would see her from a far-off distance, it was even worse when boot camp came for the recruits. We had to work side by side and what made matters worse was that she pretended that what happened a few weeks ago meant nothing.

I understood avoiding me because she was dealing with her emotions but for her to pretend that it meant nothing was just low. I knew what I had felt in that kiss and I was sure that she had felt it too. She was just too damn stubborn to admit it. Kelly placed the glass in front of me and I thanked him. I probably should have stopped at the sixth glass or even the fourth but the alcohol was helping to numb the pain. I felt a hand touch my shoulder before someone sat down beside me.

"Hey, buddy."

I turned to Liam who had a smile on his face but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He eyed the drink in my hand wearily before his eyes cut to the bartender who was watching us. He had tattled on me?

"Really, Kelly? You snitched me out?"

He raised his hand in surrender and disappeared into the kitchen. The tavern wasn't packed but it also wasn't empty, there was a live band playing in the distance and everyone seemed to be going about their business. There was a mixture of humans and wolves alike in the area which meant that I was within my right to be here enjoying a few drinks on a casual Saturday evening. I wasn't hurting anyone apart from my liver.

"I think maybe you have had enough." Liam reached for my glass but I turned quickly as I downed the drink.

I was almost done but he snatched it away, getting some of the gin on my shirt. I glared at him, mad that he had just wasted perfectly good alcohol.

"Are you here to be a bore or are you here to join me?"

"I am here because I am worried about you." I cocked an eyebrow.

"You are worried about me? Well you don't need to worry, I am fine. In fact, I am better than fine, I am over the moon happy."

"No, you are intoxicated and I think that it is time I get you home, buddy."

He stood from his seat and helped me to my feet. My legs felt like gelatin and I found myself tumbling to the ground but he held me up and helped support me. I leaned against him as we walked out of the tavern, I looked over my shoulder to Kelly, who was watching us leave from the kitchen door.

"You such, Kelly!"

I yelled loud enough for some heads to turn in our direction. Maybe I was a little intoxicated but I knew that it would fade quickly. Wolves never stayed drunk for long. I was sure the rumors would spread like wildfire come morning. I could hear them now, Beta Jasper goes wild and crazy at Benji's.

Everyone knew me as the reserved and serious Beta who was no-nonsense because that is what my job had called me to be but here I was getting wasted in a dingy tavern all because of a woman who wouldn't love me back the way I loved her. Wow! My inner voice screamed.

Had I said love? No, that can't be right. There was no way that I loved Doris, I would accept liking her because I definitely knew that I liked the woman but love? There was no way that I had fallen in love, right?

Liam helped me into his truck, he buckled me in like some kind of child and locked the door. As he rounded the car, I took the chance to unbuckle myself and reach for the handle but as I tried to pull the door, it wouldn't open. I tried again and again but had no such luck. He got into the car, he looked at me with a little smug smile on his face that made me want to punch him.

"Child-lock?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Child-lock, I knew you would try something stupid like jumping out of the car so I took the necessary precautions."

He got in the engine and drove off, I leaned my head against the window, loving the coolness of the air. A thick silence filled the car, it wasn't an awkward silence but it was tense. I knew that he wanted to ask the question.

"Ask," I said as I looked out to the forest trees that we passed.

"Is it because of Doris?"

"No," I snapped.

"Yes…..I….I don't want to talk about it."

"It is okay to care about the girl, she is the first girl that has truly made you feel something real and it is understandable why you fell for her." Silence fell on us, I looked at the moon.

"I always thought that I would find a mate that I would be blessed to have someone like you and Bernard have, but then that never happened for me. I came of age and I didn't find her, then I aged further and lost hope." He was silent.

"I had known Doris all my life but something shifted a few months ago. I couldn't put my finger on it then but the night of Elena's engagement party, I finally understood what it was. She ignited this flame inside me that I couldn't put out even if I tried. Believe me, I had tried." I let out a sad laugh.

"I thought that maybe one day she would allow it to happen. That she would just let what has taken root grow into more but the woman is more stubborn than a sailor during a storm. She is fighting it, she is fighting us, and….it is hurting me, man. It is killing me and I don't know what the heck I am meant to do. I can't function, she has invaded every aspect of my life and I can't….I am not….I am not functioning."

My words hung in the air like a pungent smell. I had said it, I had said the words that I had been holding in for far too long. He was the first person I admitted all of this to. I waited for the shame to overcome me but it never did. The only feeling I felt was this lightness in my chest, it didn't feel so heavy anymore.

"I am sorry," he whispered.

"I don't even know what to say to all of this. I want to tell you that it will get better and easier but this love thing is so unpredictable. I do want you to know that sharing your emotions and being vulnerable is strength, especially when it comes to matters of the heart." I just nodded.

I don't have the energy for words anymore, all I wanted to do now was sleep. After a few more minutes, Liam pulled up my driveway, he helped me out of the car and into my house. When he was sure that I was fine and not drunk anymore, he left me in my bed in a fresh pair of pajama pants, a glass of water, and Tylenol by my bedside.

The tiredness I had felt in the car had faded and all that remained was a gnawing feeling that I couldn't shake, I could feel my wolf pacing inside me, he was restless too. I stared up at my ceiling. I should stay in my bed right where I am. There was no need for me to cross that street and head over to her house. My inner voice was trying to reason with me but my wolf had other ideas.

I found myself on my feet, heading down the stairs. I was only in pajama pants and nothing else, I crossed the deserted street and made my way over to her house. All the lights were out and I knew that she loved to read until the late hours. I also knew that her parents weren't home so knocking on the front door wasn't out of the question. Besides, there was no way to get to the backyard, her father had planted wolfsbane all along the walls. It was great for security but there was no way I was about to burn my skin. I walked up to her door, banged on it three times, and waited.

When I pulled the door open, she was in an oversized t-shirt and some biker shorts. I gulped, I could already feel my wolf's excitement.

"Jasper? What are you doing here so late at night?"

I opened my mouth but no words came out. I had crossed the streets in the middle of the night wanting to speak with her but now that I am here, I was mute.

"Look," she signed.

"Whatever it is, can it just wait until tomorrow? I have already had a rough day and seeing you doesn't make things any easier for me."

She was about to close the door but my hand shot out and stopped her.

"If you aren't going to speak then please leave, Jasper." She was getting irritated and I was still mute like a damn idiot.

It was then that I decided that words were useless at the moment. So I did the only thing that I knew she would understand, I kissed her. She went rigid for a moment but she soon melted into me. Her arms came around my neck and she pulled me in close. I grabbed both her thighs and hoisted her up, so her legs circled my waist. With her in my arms, I walked us into the house and closed the door.

That night we used no words but we communicated clearly with one another with no misunderstanding. But these actions all took place under cover of the night. Reality would soon sink in when morning came and neither of us was ready to face it.