Only option
Shane
The first week
The sagging flesh on my back should have hurt, the open wounds that still had blood squirting from it. I should have felt the pain in my legs from all of the running we’d been doing. So why was it that I felt none of that? Why was it that despite knowing I’d made the right choice, all I wanted to do was turn around and rush back to her side? Why was it that dropping to my knees and begging for her to forgive me and take me back all that was on my mind?
I had left my heart behind and I didn’t know how I was going to keep functioning without her. I ran fast, imagining the warriors hot on our heels. Two days had passed since I ran from her and grabbed my sister. The look of betrayal in her eyes haunted me and when she told me to leave, her words felt like a knife in the chest.
I wanted to say that I didn’t regret my decision because i made it for her, for me, for us, but I did regret it. I regretted it the moment I turned my back on her. The more steps I took away from her, the more distance I put between me and Adea, the more I hated myself and the more I backtracked. The more I doubted, the more I wondered if we could have made it out of the territory together. The more I wondered if I had made a mistake and the more I wondered if I could have protected her, kept her safe, and housed her without any money or a roof over our heads.
The unknown wasn’t good enough for her. I couldn’t do that to her. It was my own fear that she would come to hate me that drove me. Even though my choices made her do just that. Still, I wondered if I should have made a different choice. The truth of the situation kept coming back to me. There’s no way that bastard Alpha would have just let her go. No, he wouldn’t have. He’s been so obsessed, so fixated on Adea. I needed to do this, I made the right choice. I reminded myself this as I searched for a safe spot for the two of us to crash. I followed my nose and two days letter it led us to water.
Miles and mile from the place I had called home for the past ten years of my life, we stumbled across a river. As we followed it, it led to a waterfall. I needed to wash, to drink, to rest. I looked around and stared into the darkness surrounding us, we couldn’t pass this opportunity up and keep running. I doubted we had much fight in us. We needed a place to lay our heads, if only for a day.
Mave didn’t look at me. We were covered in dried mud and we smelled worse than the barn animals. I was brought back to the first time we’d run away together. I watched as she sat down by the edge of the water and sighed as she put her legs into the water. I wondered if she remembered that time.
Did she remember what happened?
We never spoke of it.
I took a deep breath and prayed the memories of the past would stay away. I threw myself into the water, as the water covered me, I screamed beneath the surface. Letting all of my emotions out while I could, while I had this chance. I don’t know how long I drifted, I let the water pull and push me.
My mind wandered to her, it always went back to her. I couldn’t help but worry about her, even though, I knew, I had no right to. What was left of my heart broke for her. I prayed she was okay. The thoughts I’d pushed away on the run flooded my mind and all I could see now was him touch her, his hands on her. Anger. That’s all I felt. I had no one to hate or be angry with. The only one to blame was myself.
When I resurfaced, I didn’t bother wiping the water from my face. I looked around and found that the water had pushed me to the other side of the waterfall. Looking around I noticed a large cave that we could find shelter in for the rest of the night. With the waterfall acting as a barrier between my sister and I, I felt the burden on my shoulders weighing down on me.
The guilt was suffocating. It clawed and ate at my insides. I gripped the earth as I floated and pressed my head against dirt and rocks that poked out. I made this choice for her, for me, but it was hard. Every bone, every nerve in my body wanted to run back to her. The desperation that wrecked havoc on my soul felt as if it were ripping me up from the inside out.
What could I have done?
Was there ever a right choice?
Was it too late for me to go back?
…
Nothing…
This was the best choice.
It was too late.
This was the only option.
Continuing on without her wouldn’t be easy, but for her, for our future I could do this. The quicker I did what I needed to do, the quicker I would have her back in my arms. I grunted as I pulled myself up onto the dry ground. I walked around to the edge of the waterfall and peered out. My sister waded in the water and stopped when it hit her waist. The loud rushing of the waterfall drowned out all noise, other than my thoughts. Sensing my gaze, she looked up at me and I at her.
“We’ll rest here for the night,” I mouthed.
She said nothing, or made any sign of hearing me, but I knew she had. She looked away from me and dove into the water. Now that I knew we were safe, my shoulders drooped as I relaxed, and my body sagged. It was ready to give out. I stepped into the cave, thankful for the space to rest. I lay on my stomach and closed my eyes. My love’s name on my lips.
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