Impossible
He was so frustrating. No, he was infuriating. I turned to fight him but when I locked eyes with him I knew now wasn’t the time. He was satisfied, he was done, and if I was careful I could get away from him. I could be rid of him for some time. I could have some time to myself even if only for a few hours.
“You’ve gotten what you wanted. Let me go,” I said.
“Mm… but I don’t want to let you go,” Ethan pouted. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths to steady me. “And… that’s not all I wanted, Adealine. That’s only a main part of it,” Ethan said.
The sound of buckles clacked together as he fumbled with his pants. I didn’t look at him. I refused to look at him. I wanted to get away from him. I wanted to get as far from him as possible. I’d hoped that the library would be my safe space from him, I already imaged coming here when I was alone but now I don’t think I could spend more than an hour in here. I wouldn’t be able to come here without reliving what had just happened. Maybe I was wrong for hoping for even that.
“What else do you want, Alpha?” I asked. I didn’t bother hiding the anger from my voice.
“I want you. All of you. I want your obedience. I want you to want to be by my side. I want you to want to service me. I want you to want to please me,” Ethan said.
“You disgust me. It isn’t enough having my body, you want the impossible. I’ll never be yours,” I spat.
“That’s where you’re wrong. That’s where you’re dead wrong. You already belong to me. Not just your body. Your body and soul belong to me. I just need to convince that mind of yours of this,” Ethan said.
I could smell him on me, in me, and I wanted to bathe. I needed to wash myself and rid myself of him. He stood to his feet and smoothed his hair back. I cringed with every step he took toward me. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me in until my back pressed against his front. His warmth felt wrong, it shouldn’t feel warm. His body should reflect his soul, cold.
“I do enjoy it when you fight me, but I look forward to the day you give me your obedience,” Ethan whispered into my ear. His breath tickled but I stayed still.
“Let me go,” I pleaded.
“Where? You don’t know where anything is. Don’t be like this,” Ethan teased. He stepped to my right but kept me tucked into his side. “I’ll show you to your room.”
Those words shouldn’t have made me hopeful but they did. Your means mine, only mine. It means I’ll have a room to myself. It means I don’t have to worry about him taking me at the drop of a hat. I won’t have to fear laying with him as much as I’d previously thought.
“I need to bathe,” I whispered.
Ethan guided us out of the library and across one of many stone bridges to another room. This one was like a hallway but with a staircase. He led me up the stairs and I focused on them in front of me as his thumb caressed lazy circles into my hip.
When we got to the top of the stairwell, the first room I saw held a piano and a tall lantern to the right of it. The walls were windows. The view was blocked by trees of green and flowers of different colors. It was beautiful, but felt cold despite the beauty outside.
We turned from this room and passed another that held a long black table that looked to be made of steel. This room didn’t hold any windows but lanterns were placed on the wall behind every chair placed around the table. It was dimly lit but the art on the walls and ceilings looked beautiful yet scary.
I didn’t have time to look as Ethan pulled me along with him. Some doors we passed were closed. We headed up another stairway, the wall on the right held lanterns to light the way at night. On the left where windows should have been had arched stone walls. I realized there was no glass and if I wanted to throw myself from the hallway to my death I could.
When we got to the top of the stairs to the third story four servants awaited us. Four warriors stood guard up here and there was only one door. A large black door that was similar to the one that I had for my room back home. This must be new. I wondered if he had done this on purpose to remind me of where I came from.
“Alpha,” the servants greeted. The warriors bowed respectfully.
“Draw her a bath. Your Luna wishes to bathe,” Ethan said.
The servants bowed. Two of them rushed forward to push the door open and the other two rushed in. Ethan led me and and I fought the gasp that bubbled up from slipping out as I got a view of the room. It was like mine but wasn’t. It was at least four times the size of the one I grew up in. The walls directly across from the door was like the room with the piano. It was all glass, but instead of greenery, I was on top of the trees. My view was of the treetops and the sky. The endless sky that stretched out in all directions. A large bed with black frames sat in front of the windows. The wall to my left was covered in bookshelves and was full of new books. If this was his way of apologizing it wouldn’t change anything. Not after what he’s done to me, but it didn’t change the fact that I couldn’t wait to read the books that stared back at me. The servants that had run in where at the wall on my right. Steam lifted out of a bronze tub and the smell of lavender wafted through the room.
“This is yours.”