Ours
Go to Hell ~ Letdown
Adea
The silence was deafening. It was so still, you could hear a pin drop. Just an arm’s length away, his slow breaths filled the silence as Shane hovered behind me. I refused to look at him just yet. My emotions waged war within me. Did I want to yell or cry? I needed a moment. Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths, trying and failing to calm myself down.
Breathe in.
1…
2…
3…
4…
Hold.
1…
2…
3…
4…
Exhale.
1…
2…
3…
4…
The damn breathing thing thing wasn’t working. Back when Gabe and I first came here, he taught me this breathing technique to help with my panic attacks. Instead of pushing thoughts of him away, it did the opposite. Every time I inhaled, I got lungfuls of Shane, his presence surrounded me. Demolishing the wall of safety I tried so hard to build up. As if he heard the wall come tumbling down, he stepped closer. The heat came off of him in waves, cutting through the short distance and caressed me. It was so hard to be mad at him, but my mind and wolf couldn’t let this go. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.
I wanted to yell at him.
I wanted to cuss him out.
I wanted to hit him for letting her in here.
This thing growing between us felt like more to me.
Seeing her here in our space was a slap in the face.
Almost like a reality check.
I wanted to hate him for fucking her because I didn’t need him to confirm it to know he had.
I wanted him to lie to me as soon as the door closed.
If he’d rushed to me and told me he’d never been with her… I would have lied to myself.
Goddess, I wanted to lock him away where his stupid dick couldn’t dip into other women.
…
…
I… I wish he had waited for me.
I didn’t care if I was being hypocritical.
I could feel the anger multiplying. I’m ready to go off on him when he gently placed his hand on my hip. He pressed his nose to the top of my head and my anger wavers. A stupid tear escaped, rolling down my cheek. Betraying the emotion for what it really is: pain. Warmth dragged up my cheek, lapping it up, and then he pressed one kiss on my cheek. And then another on my temple. I tried to step out of his grasp, but arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me in until my back was flushed with his front. The outline of his body hard against mine.
“I’m sorry, baby.” The words were whispered against my hair. I shook my head.
“For what? Tell me. I want to hear what you’re sorry for,” I asked, my breath hitching between each sob.
“This isn’t our first life and yet here I am, still making the same fucking mistakes,” he murmured, sounding apologetic. I tilted my head back and laughed. It isn’t hearty or warm: it’s bitter and leaves me feeling cold.
“So you’ve got a habit of fucking others. Why am I not surprised?” Another tear escapes, but I swiped it away before he could claim it for himself. I moved to take a step away from him, but his grip tightened and I don’t get anywhere.
“Careful now. I like it when you’re mean,” he murmured.
“No, you need to watch yourself. You hurt me.”
“She wasn’t supposed to be here.” I looked over my shoulder, lifted my chin, and let my eyes slowly trail up his neck, lips, and eyes until our eyes met. I kept taking deep breaths and exhaling. Only when I could breathe in and out without ugly sobbing did I respond.
“But she was. She was still here when you brought me home. After you fucked me against my apartment, after you killed Donny because you’re a jealous piece of shit, and after you bought me out for a year. She was still here. Wasn’t she?” My voice cracked and I hated that I couldn’t keep my emotions in check.
“She’s nothing,” he promised.
“Is she?” I didn’t believe him. I wanted to, but how could I?
“Yes.”
“Then why is she still alive?” I hissed.
“Did you want me to kill her?”
“Seriously?” I deadpanned.
“If you wanted her dead, I would have gladly ripped her heart out and offered it to you,” he answered seriously as he searched my face. For what, I have no idea.
“Of course I don’t want her dead! But the fact you can kill any man in my life that so much as looks in my direction, but won’t get rid of a woman you’ve been fucking for Goddess knows how long is so fucking unfair!”
“I never claimed to be a fair man, Princess.”
“Goddess! You make me want to scream,” I muttered as I once again shook my head.
“How many other women are you fucking? Because let’s face it, I’ve seen you fuck two now. How many more do you have hidden in your packhouse? Do you have any kids?” I was yelling now. My heart dropped at the thought of that.
“There’s no one else. I’m sorry about Starr, truly I am. I shouldn’t have done it. I regret it. But Beka is no one. I know you don’t want to hear this, but she was an easy lay. And that’s the truth. She’s not worth your anger or your insecurity. You’re so much more than her. You’re the reason I breathe.”
Again, I could hear the conviction in his voice. I could feel the way his fingers dug into my skin and his body trembling behind me.
“Until she came in, the time I’ve spent with you here have been a dream,” I whispered.
“They’ve been the best hours of my fucking life, baby,” he whined as his arms tighten around me.
“I marked you,” I reminded him.
“You did, and I’ve never been happier. Please, Princess…” Shane sounded desperate.
“Please, what, Shane? Please what?!” I shouted.
One second I’m being squeezed tightly, and the next, he’s gone. Stepping around me, he drops to his knees, and stares up at me. His curly hair falls back, and his obsidian eyes hold my gaze as the corners of his lips turned down. From where I’m standing, I can see my mark where it proudly sits on his neck.
“Wh-what are you doing?”
He reached out, and when I realized he was going to grab me, I moved back, dodging him. The pain in his eyes broke my heart, but I was also hurting. I had good reason to be mad.
“You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to get on your knees and think I’ll just pretend I didn’t just catch your whore in a space that’s supposed to be ours!” I hissed.
“It is ours. Everything I have is yours,” he murmured.
“Get up,” I huffed. He doesn’t.
“You looked at me like you used to, and I fucked it all up. I’m sorry, Princess. I don’t want to go back to how things were before. It’s never been like this between us. We’ve… progressed, and I don’t want to ruin that. I don’t want to lose you over someone that doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.”
He’s holding something back. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s there. Something’s off, but I can’t put my finger on it. But I do know one thing: The ball is in my court and what happens next is up to me.
But who am I kidding?
There’s no one but Shane for me.
He reaches out again, but this time, I don’t move out of the way. His arms cage me in, his head against my breasts, and I hug him back.
“You won’t lose me,” I promised.
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